Should I Stay or Should I Go?

[jw71121]

My family lives in MD, me and my son are WA. We hardly hear from them & when we do, it's a holiday and my alcoholic mom will send a card to my ex husband's house for my son. I send letters and pics frequently to try and open communication to no avail. Phone calls are strained and I end up feeling like a pile of **** afterward.
I practically raised my little brother, ten years younger - and my little sister - nine years younger - because my mom would lock herself in her room with a gallon of vodka and Atari. I had to be/all star sports player/get all A's/hold down a job to feed, clothe & drive sis & bro around. My dad was in the Navy and always gone. Asking for help or telling anyone how it really was would have ruined his career.
Back to the future - got a call from my little bro who said he was getting married and could his nephew (13yo) fly out to be an usher - " oh, and Mom and Dad would pay for both of you to fly out". We were excited and said yes.....but then I got the "save the date" post card that had a website on it with all the couple's history & who was in the wedding party. My little sis is a bridesmaid - same "bride" asked me how to deal with my sister because she is bi-polar and the bride just wishes sis was never born into our family. The groomsmen include our half-brother; who three years ago made the announcement that we were all disowned by him because Mom and Dad won't get help 4 drinking & pills and us siblings have let him down. When my little bro stood up to that, he got kicked out of the car; had to hitchhike two hours home in snow.
The ISSUE: I immediately felt my heart sink, felt used and unimportant as usual because basically the only reason I was invited was so I can bring my beloved "perfect" son so they can brag about him as he ushers, as if they had any part to do with who he's become. And I'll be put in a corner, reminding all too many people who I am, be the dumbass outcast (because I was the whistleblower)

[mrs_overall]

Hi there.
I don't know where MD and WA are as I guess you are in the US and this is a UK site.

I'd suggest you put aside the past and ongoing issues with your family, apart from your brother. It's your brother's "big day" and you have to ask yourself if you want you and your son to be there for him. Would he be disappointed if you didn't go?
If you do go, hold your head high and be proud of the son you have raised. It sounds as if you are a far better parent than your parents were.
Good luck.

[Lil O'lady]

You can't choose your family but you can choose how you react to them.
If they wind you up so much, find a convenient excuse for the day in question and don't go. There's no law that says you have to, and while you can hold your head up in the knowledge that you did the best you could for the people who needed you, they are grown-ups now and must look after themselves. Make an especial effort on the day to surround yourself with positive activities and people you like, and forget the rest.
The past only exists as a memory and what matters is now, and the future.

[thugulike]

I'd go and be proud of your son. Try not to get sucked into any issues. Be serene if possible and let them see you happy.

[jw71121]

Thank you for the great advice - the pro's and con's....if one or two words over the phone from my mother sends me into a week long anxiety attack, how am I going to survive being three thousand miles away from home surrounded by negativity, fakeness, being talked about and stabbed behind the back; all the while protecting my son from all of it?! Let alone the fact that I'm not even there yet and freaking out!!