The K M Links Game - November 2024 Week...
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pnd
i dont really quite know how i am feeling, i can be so happy then all of a sudden feel angry and want to just cry! im the sort of person who wants there house to be so clean and tidy all the time but it seems latley i have no time to tidy up and when i do within a few hours its a mess again and i just cry, i can get angry or upset over silly things! i dont get angry at my baby but she is teething and she sits there moaning i cant do anything with her apart from stand up holding her thats all she wants to do! she sits fake crying all day so i will look at her then when i do she smile and crys at me until i pick her up! i cant put her down at all! my partner does so much to help me, he feels no matter what he does its not good enough! the only person i trust to look after her is my mum who works full time so i cant get her to take her for a few hours! do you think i have PND?, i hate my body so i cry when i look in the mirror i look like im ill im that skiny i try to put weight on i eat 4meals aday and i snack but still cant get over 7stone. i go to my friends who have babies and there houses are spotless they have the tea on for there partners and i get so depressed becus i feel a bad mum not being able to do that. i give my baby sooo uch attention and i love her soo much but i cant cope and i feel if it goes on any longer i may stop giving her attention and become one of those mums you see walking down the street ignoring there children and shouting at them! i dont want to be like that with my baby!
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Hi carliex
Big hugs to you. I was diagnosed with PND and have been successfully treated.
The problem with PND is that can have so many symptoms and vary from person to person.
If you have the courage, please go and speak to your GP. Your GP is the only person who can tell you if you have PND.
As for the housework, if you can, just let it go. You are not a bad mum for having an untidy house. Your friends are probably killing themselves to keep their houses tidy. My house used to be tidy before becoming a mum. Now it is far from tidy, but the most important thing is that my baby is safe and happy.
Nobody tells you at antenatal classes how hard being a mum is and how your body takes so long to recover.
IF your GP diagnoses you with PND there is alot they can do. Please go and speak to them ASAP.
xxxxxxxx
Big hugs to you. I was diagnosed with PND and have been successfully treated.
The problem with PND is that can have so many symptoms and vary from person to person.
If you have the courage, please go and speak to your GP. Your GP is the only person who can tell you if you have PND.
As for the housework, if you can, just let it go. You are not a bad mum for having an untidy house. Your friends are probably killing themselves to keep their houses tidy. My house used to be tidy before becoming a mum. Now it is far from tidy, but the most important thing is that my baby is safe and happy.
Nobody tells you at antenatal classes how hard being a mum is and how your body takes so long to recover.
IF your GP diagnoses you with PND there is alot they can do. Please go and speak to them ASAP.
xxxxxxxx
Hi carliex
I agree - go and see your GP. And also remember that having a tidy home does not make you a good mom. It is not the end of the world if your house is untidy at the moment. You do , however, sound as though you might be mildly depressed - and there is no shame in that. I was after the birth of my son for a period and I had a full time domestic worker to assist me in my home. So don't be hard on yourself.
I agree - go and see your GP. And also remember that having a tidy home does not make you a good mom. It is not the end of the world if your house is untidy at the moment. You do , however, sound as though you might be mildly depressed - and there is no shame in that. I was after the birth of my son for a period and I had a full time domestic worker to assist me in my home. So don't be hard on yourself.
Hi carliex, please go and see your GP, if only to be able to off-load onto him.
As has been said, no-one tells you how difficult it can be being a mum. I used to try and keep my house tidy but then I just gave up, I do what I have to and no more. A tidy house means nothing, what is more important is a happy, clean, fed baby and a happy mummy, sod the house work it will keep.
Wishing you all the best
warpig
As has been said, no-one tells you how difficult it can be being a mum. I used to try and keep my house tidy but then I just gave up, I do what I have to and no more. A tidy house means nothing, what is more important is a happy, clean, fed baby and a happy mummy, sod the house work it will keep.
Wishing you all the best
warpig
have you not thought that perhaps your friends tidy like crazy before your visit and they dont really keep on top of a spotless house?
all mums get snowed under, lack of sleep doesnt help and Im sure that every one of us has been so tired that we've had a weep a few times. We all have days where the washings piling up, the house is a tip and we dont feel we can cope.
But pnd is more than that, it requires diagnosing and the right support put in place to help the mother. Its not always drug related help, counselling is a good option too.
Please speak to your HV or GP and be honest about how you feel.
all mums get snowed under, lack of sleep doesnt help and Im sure that every one of us has been so tired that we've had a weep a few times. We all have days where the washings piling up, the house is a tip and we dont feel we can cope.
But pnd is more than that, it requires diagnosing and the right support put in place to help the mother. Its not always drug related help, counselling is a good option too.
Please speak to your HV or GP and be honest about how you feel.
honey please speak to you GP or your health visitor, your health visitor can come to your home and see you.
your friends homes proberbly arent spotles under the surfaces, i thought the same when i had my 1st however when i asked my friends how they managed it they all said they only did what you can see, some had cubards were they shoved things some whole rooms!
sometimes when a baby crys there is not much you can do to console them as specialy when they are tired. your baby is totally safe in its cot.
have you tried bonjela and if the teething is really painfull then liquid nurofen for children or calpol.
my bible when i had my 1st was a book by mirium stoppard "baby and childcare".
i was a cleaning mad women before children, but when you are a mum there are that many other things to do that something has to slide, it doesnt make you a bad mum infact the opposite you would rather spend time with your child than anything else.
you need to let your partner look after your baby more, it is a learning process for him it doesnt come as naturally to men but he probably wants to learn. i wrote our babys routine down step by step for my partner with a list of do's, don'ts and why's. he said that really helped him understand. it also helped me feel more confident to leave him with our son for an hour whilst i went for a drive or a walk or to see a friend.
please call your GP or health visitor
x x x x x x
your friends homes proberbly arent spotles under the surfaces, i thought the same when i had my 1st however when i asked my friends how they managed it they all said they only did what you can see, some had cubards were they shoved things some whole rooms!
sometimes when a baby crys there is not much you can do to console them as specialy when they are tired. your baby is totally safe in its cot.
have you tried bonjela and if the teething is really painfull then liquid nurofen for children or calpol.
my bible when i had my 1st was a book by mirium stoppard "baby and childcare".
i was a cleaning mad women before children, but when you are a mum there are that many other things to do that something has to slide, it doesnt make you a bad mum infact the opposite you would rather spend time with your child than anything else.
you need to let your partner look after your baby more, it is a learning process for him it doesnt come as naturally to men but he probably wants to learn. i wrote our babys routine down step by step for my partner with a list of do's, don'ts and why's. he said that really helped him understand. it also helped me feel more confident to leave him with our son for an hour whilst i went for a drive or a walk or to see a friend.
please call your GP or health visitor
x x x x x x
All the previous posts are right, but the most important thing is Go To the Doctors. My PND was left un diagnosed and un-treated for 9 months. I ended up in a terrible way, and now 30 years on I remember it vividly. It took years before I felt confident again. I am taking great care to make sure my daughter will not suffer the same. It is the worst feeling because you cannot put your finger on what is wrong. Please sweetheart, forget the housework, enjoy your baby, and see your doctor. good luck
carliex
Please get back to us and let us know how things are.
I too had PND and left it untreated. Not good.
Deal with it now. Don't compare yourself to anyone else.
Be strong and accept that you were made the way you are.
It's good enough for your partner, so it's good enough for you!
I've been into the tidiest houses where the unhappiest kids grew up. Best advice my mother in law gave me?
get some big cupboards and keep only three rooms in the house tidy - living room, kitchen and bathroom. Your visitors won't see the rest if you keep the doors shut.
Good Luck!
Please get back to us and let us know how things are.
I too had PND and left it untreated. Not good.
Deal with it now. Don't compare yourself to anyone else.
Be strong and accept that you were made the way you are.
It's good enough for your partner, so it's good enough for you!
I've been into the tidiest houses where the unhappiest kids grew up. Best advice my mother in law gave me?
get some big cupboards and keep only three rooms in the house tidy - living room, kitchen and bathroom. Your visitors won't see the rest if you keep the doors shut.
Good Luck!
I agree with all these answers carliex, and let me tell you that if I was to come round to your house and find it all spick and span, with no toys lying around or things out of place, I'd think there was something wrong! Babies are demanding, and they rightly come first.
I don't know how old your daughter is, but once you've seen your doctor or HV, try and get out every day for a walk with your baby. Fresh air often tires them out, and you'll also feel better yourself. Then make some time to read and play with your little girl - and forget about housework until you're feeling stronger and more confidant. best of luck. x
I don't know how old your daughter is, but once you've seen your doctor or HV, try and get out every day for a walk with your baby. Fresh air often tires them out, and you'll also feel better yourself. Then make some time to read and play with your little girl - and forget about housework until you're feeling stronger and more confidant. best of luck. x
i am currently sitting on my computer chair with baby asleep on my lap (also teething and whinges alot so thankful for the peace!) typing with one hand. the dishes need done, as does washing hoovering and general cleaning which is going to be done after babys breakfast tomorrow before my mam comes round...
you will always find time to do house work if it absolutely needs done but finding time for yourself is so much more important. and if the little one gets too much with the crying just le her down in her cot, and go to a quiet room and take a few deep breaths. this time in her life is so short in comparison to the rest of her and your life.
plus most mothers worry about their body, whether its your being too skinny, or my sil stretch marks and scars, or my baby tummy which makes me feel like im still pregnant when i sit down..
dont worry about it so much, if you dont want to be a mam that ignores her child and shouts all the time then you probably wont, and the fact you care so much makes you a good mam anyway
you will always find time to do house work if it absolutely needs done but finding time for yourself is so much more important. and if the little one gets too much with the crying just le her down in her cot, and go to a quiet room and take a few deep breaths. this time in her life is so short in comparison to the rest of her and your life.
plus most mothers worry about their body, whether its your being too skinny, or my sil stretch marks and scars, or my baby tummy which makes me feel like im still pregnant when i sit down..
dont worry about it so much, if you dont want to be a mam that ignores her child and shouts all the time then you probably wont, and the fact you care so much makes you a good mam anyway
I feel so much empathy for you! I have a 5 week old baby & I have an infected cesarean wound & can't get out & about/drive. My friends & family are not local & I get stressed when we have visitors because the house is a mess (I'm limited in what I can do due to wound...and lack of time!). I'm sleeping with the baby downstairs (my partner gets a full night's sleep) & do all the feeds because I am breastfeeding. I can't find the time to rest or snooze during the day or express some milk so my partner can help with the night feeds (which are every 2/3 hours). I am knackered, irritable, I look a mess (and feel fat & horrid) and I don't get much sympathy or hands on help from my partner. I've said some horrible things to him (which I regret) & I resent him for going out & basically carrying on with his life as normal. I wondered if I had PND but I think what I am feeling is normal under the circumstances!! I keep telling myself that it will get better & that if my partner does not want to help with the baby then I can at least pride myself in knowing that I'm a good Mum :o) It is hard to spend lots of quality time with baby but I'm learning to take a deep breath & ignore the housework & mess because there is only limited time to enjoy your baby before they grow up. Anyway, I'm off now to ignore the laundry/dirty plates/dust etc to play with baby! Hope you feel better soon.
I was searching for something else when I came across this and was wondering not only how you are, but also how DJJO is too. I had bad PND. I didn't recognise it for the first 4 months. I hope by now that you have got some help. And to DJJO, if your partner is getting a full night's sleep, then he should be helping with the chores. If he did a bit more you may find you get better quicker and get back to 'your old self'. I don't mean in terms of baby weight, but in terms of outlook and how happy you are. I breastfed for the first 6 weeks, virtually every hour, then realised that it just wasn't working and went on to bottles. If I had a 2nd one I doubt I would breastfeed at all. Yes, breast milk is best, but not if ou are feeding every 3 to 3 hours and are exhausted. Babies can sleep longer on bottles, so try one and give yourself a break. x
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