He Who Saves His Country Does Not...
Society & Culture5 mins ago
pnd
My health visitor is coming tomora to talk about how i have been feeling but i just want to ask people that have had it before how do u get your partner to understad? he is making me feel worse!last nite he stayed up til 3 playing his xbox as he does every night then i asked him to feed my baby at 7 this morning as we normaly take turns and he started stressing and banging becus he didnt want to do it cus he was tired! sometimes i want to put baby to bed have a bath and jst go to bed but he starts gettin arsy with me cus he wants me to stay up watching films till midnight! he is stressing out becus i have left him with baby for 15mins rest! why does he not understand that i feel so bad! i honistly feel like i just want to run away but i no i couldnt ever leave me baby and i couldnt look after her on my own! not at the moment anyway! i feel like locking the bedroom door and shuting curtains and staying in bed for ever!
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I'm no expert but it doesn't sound like you have PND to me, rather you have a lazy arse of a partner who doesn't feel that a baby shouild impact on his life.
If he's on his Xbox until 3am, how on earth is he getting up for work the day after? Or doesn't he have a job supporting his partner and child either?
If he's on his Xbox until 3am, how on earth is he getting up for work the day after? Or doesn't he have a job supporting his partner and child either?
when i've read your post through carliex, it seemed at first like your partner is being really selfish, not taking into consideration how hard it is for you at the moment. having said that, it can take a new dad a while to adjust to parenthood too. out of interest, how old is your baby? i won't pretend i know exactly how you're feeling, but my son
is just under 4 weeks and i'm absolutely knackered, especially since my husband had gone back to work.
i think you should explain you NEED him to help you...it would be good he could take the night shift one night, you the next etc, that's what we've been doing for a week or so and it's really been working. it's easier said than done, i know.
i'm not too great at giving advice but i hope this helped somehow...if not, your health visitor should be able to suggest something x
is just under 4 weeks and i'm absolutely knackered, especially since my husband had gone back to work.
i think you should explain you NEED him to help you...it would be good he could take the night shift one night, you the next etc, that's what we've been doing for a week or so and it's really been working. it's easier said than done, i know.
i'm not too great at giving advice but i hope this helped somehow...if not, your health visitor should be able to suggest something x
ive been following your posts and i do think you have PND carliex. Its so common and your not alone, speak to your health visitor or gp there thre to help. Also does your partner KNOW how you feel? have you sat him down and told exactly how down your feeling. It does sound to me that your partner needs to grow up though, i mean you cant sit on your arse playing games when you have the demands of a new baby! Hes taking advantage of the fact that your there, afterall it takes two parents to make a baby so he should step up to the plate and do his share of the upbringing. Its discusting that he kicks off if you ask him to look after the child so that you can have a bath too. speak to your health visitor or ask if she can do a home visit, and ask your partner to be there with you so that he can hear fromsomeone else too how bad PND can be. good luck x
get rid of the xbox.......leave babe with him for 20mins or so - get yourself away even if only the park so he has full responsibility. He wont know how long you'll be out so that will worry him.
Repeat above frequently & longer; he'll soon bond with babe.
He wont hurt his son - so dont worry, he's just as concerned for the babes welfare.
Repeat above frequently & longer; he'll soon bond with babe.
He wont hurt his son - so dont worry, he's just as concerned for the babes welfare.
Are you both quite young Carli? Sounds like your partner is very immature and doesn't understand when a baby comes into your life things inevitably change.
It's unreasonable of him to think he can still stay up until 3am playing X Box, like a teenage boy and he should be offering you support. I take it he's not working considering he can stay up until 3am?
You need to make him aware of how you are feeling and how down you're feeling. Perhaps you should ensure he's there when you see your Health Visitor, so he can appreciate the severity of the situation.
If he isn't willing to understand, sympathise and support you, then I don't see the point of you having him around!
It's unreasonable of him to think he can still stay up until 3am playing X Box, like a teenage boy and he should be offering you support. I take it he's not working considering he can stay up until 3am?
You need to make him aware of how you are feeling and how down you're feeling. Perhaps you should ensure he's there when you see your Health Visitor, so he can appreciate the severity of the situation.
If he isn't willing to understand, sympathise and support you, then I don't see the point of you having him around!
no he got sacked about a month ago for playing games at work! he is 25 i am 22 so yea we are young but not teenagers which is what he is acting like! i feel oike i have 2 children telling him what time to go to bed making him have a shower telling him not to swear in frount of my family! spesh infrount of my daughter! she is 6months nearly! he had 2 weeks off work when i had my csection and he didnt even get up with her then i was breast feeding but he could have got her back to sleep for me or got up at 7 with her so i could sleep!
oh and i have told him how i feel loads of times and he still doesnt understand! im so scared of telling my health visitor she is always comenting to people about how well im doing and i feel like im just goin to let everyone down! told mum tonight she just said "you have no reason to be depressed you have a beautiful baby girl some people would kill to be in you position"
oh and i have told him how i feel loads of times and he still doesnt understand! im so scared of telling my health visitor she is always comenting to people about how well im doing and i feel like im just goin to let everyone down! told mum tonight she just said "you have no reason to be depressed you have a beautiful baby girl some people would kill to be in you position" my mum is very striked person!
Your partner just sounds plain selfish. If he really cared about you, he'd go out of his way to lessen the pressure you are feeling. I expect you're feeling very resentful towards him and it sounds like he's having an easy time, doing exactly what he wants, when he wants. He'll need to change for you to start feeling better.
As others have said, you need to be honest with your Health Visitor. I'm sure you are a very, very good mum, but even the best mums' in the world need help from time to time. Maybe the Health Visitor could speak with your partner too, often hearing the truth from an outsider has more impact.
As others have said, you need to be honest with your Health Visitor. I'm sure you are a very, very good mum, but even the best mums' in the world need help from time to time. Maybe the Health Visitor could speak with your partner too, often hearing the truth from an outsider has more impact.
Hi Carliex - How did it go with your HV?
I said this on your last PND post, but your situation, sounds so much like my life was a couple of months ago, right down to the xbox & unsupportive mother.
I really hope that you managed to be open and honest with your HV, who has hopefully been supportive and pointed you in the direction of your GP so that you get some councelling or if needs be, medication. But having said that, all the councelling and medication in the world won't fix the problem with your partner. He really does need to take some responsibility - did you try getting the HV to speak to him?
I'm sure that you are a fantastic mum - needing some help doesn't make you a bad mum. Please please keep trying to get some help. (((cyber - hug!)))) I'm thinking of you and hope you feel better soon! Take care x
I said this on your last PND post, but your situation, sounds so much like my life was a couple of months ago, right down to the xbox & unsupportive mother.
I really hope that you managed to be open and honest with your HV, who has hopefully been supportive and pointed you in the direction of your GP so that you get some councelling or if needs be, medication. But having said that, all the councelling and medication in the world won't fix the problem with your partner. He really does need to take some responsibility - did you try getting the HV to speak to him?
I'm sure that you are a fantastic mum - needing some help doesn't make you a bad mum. Please please keep trying to get some help. (((cyber - hug!)))) I'm thinking of you and hope you feel better soon! Take care x
hey thankyou for all your support :) i have spoken to my HV and she has got me straight in with my doctor tomoro and she is going to come with me she said it sounds like i have an anxiety sort of depriession which is part for PND and thinks i need medication, she is goin to come and see me every week she was alot of help and im so glad i have told someone who actuly listened to me i feel better just knowing im going forward now instead of backwards and gettin more and more depressed.
Carliex good you are getting the professional help you need and things will improve - but did you everthing of busting the X box when yer man is not around? If he's not working it will be hard for him to fork out for a new one! & as Razzle says, You are dealing with the wee baby on your own and looking after the big kid also! & You think you can't do it all on your own? - You are - so, you see how much stronger you are than what you thought you were? Don't feel bad about Your Mum not understanding how down you are, not all women have to put up with crap and not all women understand. Maybe Mum was lucky when she had all her kids and someone to support her? All the best, and keep your pecker up girl, try to relax a bit in yourself more - your entitled too!
Well done you! It takes a lot to open up and tell someone that you feel like that, when the whole world tells you that your life is perfect and you must be happy because you are a mum - I know.
I hope that your Dr is as good as your HV has been, so that you can start feeling a bit better, but remeber that it won't be instant. Maybe now your partner will realise how bad all this has been for you. Mine did once I'd spoken to the HV. I managed to tell him how he could help and what he was doing wrong. Things still aren't perfect between us but I no longer think he's totally useless and want to leave him.
Things will get better - take lots of photos of your little girl, and try to get out for a little fresh air every day, find something that makes you feel good, a bath, a book etc just make time for your self (mine is painting my nails, something I can do without thinking and then I have to sit still for 20 mins doing nothing, while it dries - bliss!!! Makes me feel better anyway) Also have a really long think about all the things your partner does wrong, pick just the most important ones and tell him - men aren't psychick they need telling (in my experince!)
I never went to see my GP - I chickened out! So I really do take my hat off to you for being so strong, stronger that I was/am. Take care xxx
I hope that your Dr is as good as your HV has been, so that you can start feeling a bit better, but remeber that it won't be instant. Maybe now your partner will realise how bad all this has been for you. Mine did once I'd spoken to the HV. I managed to tell him how he could help and what he was doing wrong. Things still aren't perfect between us but I no longer think he's totally useless and want to leave him.
Things will get better - take lots of photos of your little girl, and try to get out for a little fresh air every day, find something that makes you feel good, a bath, a book etc just make time for your self (mine is painting my nails, something I can do without thinking and then I have to sit still for 20 mins doing nothing, while it dries - bliss!!! Makes me feel better anyway) Also have a really long think about all the things your partner does wrong, pick just the most important ones and tell him - men aren't psychick they need telling (in my experince!)
I never went to see my GP - I chickened out! So I really do take my hat off to you for being so strong, stronger that I was/am. Take care xxx
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