Is it ok to share a room with step children on visitation siuations?

[suzyangel]

As a 'step'mum I have been with my partner for 2 years. His children live 5hours away and were only introduced to me after us being together for 18mths. I thought that this made sense so we knew that it was a long term, stable relationship. As he has the children once a month so far away he has a hotel. We were going to all share a family hotel room but the kids mother has stopped visitation rights unless I have my own room. I think it is fine for me to sleep in the same room when we are in this holiday situation but when they stay with us in our home they will have their own rooms. It mirrors normal family life...holidays are fine to share but home equals their own room. Any views?

[Hazel104]

Has the ex met you, if not it might help reassure her if you do?
To be honest I think she is being unfair, has she given an actual reason why she is not happy with the idea?

[ummmm]

She's being petty.

[madmaggot]

I think you should go along with what she wants for the time being. She is bound to be unsure about you until she has met you, knows you better, the children have 'reported back' that they like you, etc. I really think it's not worth rocking the boat at this stage. Assuming that you want to get on with her in the long run.

[zzxxee]

she cannot stop visitation rights unless she has reasons to believe you are an axe murderer she is behaveing totally unreasonable like hazel said maybe if she met you it would put her mind at ease x

[daffy654]

Her kids,her rules.
I have to admit I would be uncomfortable if my children shared a room with someone that neither I nor them knew.

[Bbbananas]

No No No.... a throwback to the 70's that is.

[Bbbananas]

Sorry - ignore that suzy - got entirely the wrong thread here! :-(

[suzyangel]

I have met the kids who said in their own honest and childlike way that they liked me...I then met her and she went nuts!!! She was more than happy for them to stay with us for extra nights when she wanted a break...as were we. But she was rude and aggressive. I tried to be pleasant and reasonable...I have an ex and know how vulnerable you can feel (me and my ex's partner get on great as a result of being civil on first meeting).

I don't expect she will ever be 'nice' to me and take the normal way of wanting to get to know me so she could make an informed judgement...the irony is that she left my partner over 4 years ago. I suspect this is about control rather than genuine concerns.

[suzyangel]

Daffy: What about my partner..his kids too? He has not rushed in to me meeting them...i am his first serious relationship since their break 4 years a go and he is a good dad...how many men would travel 5hours to se their children..knowing he can quite often arrive and her not be in?

[bednobs]

in my opinion it wuld be k, but clearly nt in hers. And as they are hers and his kids and not mine .....

[lauralane]

I really don't see how this is a problem at all. How old are the children by the way?

[suzyangel]

They are 8 and 7.