Teenage Pregnancy

[one_mad_cow]

I am a pregnant teenager and quite frankly I'm sick of the dirty looks I get from people on the street.  Why do so many people judge on how good a parent you will be by the years you have been alive?  I have a good, stable job, a steady boyfriend and my own house.  NOT council.  Why is it so important to people to look down upon the next generation?

[andy hughes]

On behalf of my generation, I must apologise for the instant moralising that goes on around people in your situation. My personal credo is live and let live, and i try really hard not to judge anyone for their actions or appearence.

If people stare condescendingly at you, stare right back and say something like "Can I help you?" or "Is there a problem?" politely, and watch them squirm away - you will find that the moral high ground is a crowded place, but almost no-one has the courage to confront another verbally with their predjudices. Of course, if they are rude, you are perfectly within your rights to be rude right back, if the mood takes you.

Be secure in your success as an individual, a partner, and soon, a mum! Maybe some people just envy you your youth and the cnahces you have that they wasted? It's a thought.

[one_mad_cow]

Thank you Andy it is nice to see that some people still know of consideration and how to take it on the chin.  I have never been one to stay shtum about anything.  I don't want my child growing up to think of itself as a bad thing.

[Le Chat]

I certainly don't agree with people giving you dirty looks or indeed judging you. My thought though would be that people make assumptions for two reasons. Firstly, statistically speaking, there is much less chance of you and your partner staying together as you are so young and having a baby is a very stressful, therefore, you are much more likely to end up as a single parent and statistically speaking, this leads to increased poverty, which can lead to lots of other problems. Secondly, you should be seeing the world, enjoying freedom and generally having not much responsibility until you are oh, at least 30!! I could be wrong of course and good luck with the baby.

I had my first at 32 and my second at 39 but boy, did I live before I settled down!

[landie]

Take no notice of them, give them a big smile and forget them.

[smudge]

Hi one_mad_cow, I was married at 17 & had our first daughter at 17 (well nearly 18). I don't remember getting any dirty looks from people, however, I did look very young for my age & it used to embarrass me when people assumed she was my baby sister. Three years later, we had another daughter & the same thing happened - people assuming she was also my baby sister.

Over the years I began to quite like it, especially when they were in their teens & we started going shopping or swimming together. We are a very close family & have a very good relationship. I am now in my fifties & they in their thirties. They are both as very proud of their 'young' Mum & Dad, as we are of them.

We have always worked very hard to give them the best education, taught them good morals, politeness, kindness, etc. We also own our own home too, but it wouldn't matter if we didn't. I know people from council house backgrounds who are very nice, clean & friendly people. In fact everything that some people with private homes aren't.

Just because you are a teenager, doesn't mean that you are any less of a person. Hold your head high & ignore the dirty looks or critisms. The people who do this, have probably got more skeletons in the cupboard than you & I put together. Good luck & enjoy your little family.

[smudge]

P.S. When we married, there were one or two people who gave it six months - but we celebrated our Ruby last year.

We've had the most fantastic holidays far & wide, together with 'our girls' & later when they flew the nest.

Not all young marriages or relationships are doomed for failure - you just have to work at it, like everything else in life!

[Robinia]

Just like smudge I was married & had my two sons at a young age so I have some idea of how you might be feeling.  Unfortunately though there will always be judgemental people & no matter what your age & status you'll probably always feel frowned upon by someone. I sometimes still do & I'm 50!  What I do realise is that whatever I am & however people 'see' me it makes no difference to their lives or mine, so long as I'm not breaking any laws or hurting anyone. Live your life as you want,  & enjoy your baby when he/she arrives.

May I suggest that if someone stares - smile and mean it. Much better than a sharp word which will make them judge you even more & you just might find out that it wasn't a dirty look after all.   Recently I unintentionally stared at a young girl coming towards me, but only because she had the most beautiful hair & clothes. As she passed she hissed something at me & all my admiration disappeared & I was too shocked to say anything. We oldies aren't all bad are we smudge?!!

[smudge]

I totally agree noddy! I think we are very nice people!

Also, to be honest, I know some people who are envious of the relationship we have with our daughters, especially when we're all having a mad half hour & having fun.

Also, when we're out with our Grandchildren, people often assume we are their parents. We usually just smile, but then our little ones usually let them kow that we are their Nanny & Grandad. You can't win 'em all.

[Dark Angel]

Noddy is right. If you project a friendly front, people's prefudices will soon disappear, and they will have positive thoughts of you. Once I lost my temper with two of the ground staff at a airport. It was no fault of theirs and after I walked off I felt bad and went back and apologised. The lady concerned was so nice about it. I stood in front of her, feeling small, and she looked up at me, ever so politely and asked, "yes, madam?" Thats something that I'll never forget. Graciousness in the face of adversity....

[one_mad_cow]

It's good to know there are people out there who know some common ground.  Me and my boyfriend have been together for 18 months and maybe it isn't very long compared to some couples having babies, but we didn't plan this.  That doesn't necessarily make it a "mistake" I'll never feel that this baby is a mistake and know I can provide a good life.  The only thing I am worried about is my craving for Dog biscuits =s while some people walk down the street with a bag of Quavers, I have mine in a bag of Bakers Complete!!!

[woofgang]

I think the big smile thing is the best response. No offence but honestly honestly sometimes it is easy to think that "people" are approving or disapproving of you when all they are is really fed up with the weather on a miserable january day. Good wishes to all three of you

[lukey121]

People are giving you dirty looks because almost every teenager that has a baby is by mistake and then they expect to get a council house and given money by the government. How many teenagers can you think of that actually planed to have a baby? Probably none!! 

[one_mad_cow]

Actually Lukey I disagree, some teenagers do plan on getting pregnant, by one night stands, just so they can get their own place because they are too lazy to go out and find a job.  Maybe I wasn't planning this baby but other people do not know this when I walk down the street, they have no right to judge and put me down.  This life is hard enough without all the extra hassle strangers give to you.

[lukey121]

With all the widely available forms of contraception on the market today I find it unbelievable that someone could fall pregnant by accident.    Maybe it comes down to a lack of education. Don�t get me wrong I�m sure you will be a great mum and love this child very much. I just find it a shame this child was not planned.  I have just had a son at 25 and he was very much planned for. I was with my wife for 4 years and she never fell pregnant until the time was right. 

[one_mad_cow]

Just because I got pregnant does not mean I wasn't using contraception, I have been on the depot injection for 3 years and have never missed one, I also use condoms as I know all about the STI's that are going round in today's world.  It was a shock to the system when I first found out I was pregnant but now both me and my man are ecstatic about it =)

[smudge]

one_mad_cow, see you're doing it again, worrying about what people think. You have every right to defend yourself, but if neither of you are 'sponging' of the state, or should I say from the income tax we pay, then hold your head up & soldier on. :0)

[jills]

one mad cow.......just let the looks sail past you babes, and smile through it all.  Just enjoy every second of this pregnancy, especially now you've got over the intital shock.   I absolutely loved being pregnant, but I have to say, I found everyone was just so nice to me;  folk at work, family and  friends, even strangers on a bus would ask about my bump.  Maybe it was because I was 32 (and probably looked it:-D) but I do believe in the inherent niceness of people, so give them a smile and you might be surprised at the response you get.  Folk don't always mean to stare, or are lost in their own thoughts and worries, perhaps at this turbulent, exciting and hormonal time, you're just a little bit more sensitive than you would be normally.

Enjoy your expanding tummy, think happy thoughts and direct them towards your little one (happy mummy equals happy baby).  Good luck to you all....xxxx P.S. how far on are you?

[SGKelloe32]

I can sympathise one_mad_cow, I was pregnant at 18 also, but I had a coyle in when I fell pregnant. I had only been with my boyfriend for 5 months at the time, but these things happen and im a firm believer that things happen for a reason!

I nearly lost my baby when the coyle had to be removed and I was beside myself until the day she arrived. I live in a small village and had to put up with people giving me odd looks and whispers, but at the end of the day, I didn’t care, because like you, I went out and bought my own house and have a steady job. People are too obsessed with the Chavs that have kids to get a council house and I was horrified to be associated with people like them, especially now I am a single mam as me and my partner split a few months ago, but ive got my house, my beautiful daughter and my job, honest work for everything ive got!!

Good luck with the birth and give two fingers to people that stare at you, if they are too narrow minded to think that young people cant be responsible to look after themselves and their children then that’s their problem – all you have to worry about is yourself and your baby!! Hope everything goes well! x

[PunkDaddy]

People feel the need to judge you by their own standards, and by prejudice. Take no notice love, you know how good a mother you will be, and if you know you are gonna make a good life then don't let them get to you.

When you have a happy healthy little baby that loves it's mum you will be laughing at them, trust me.

[smudge]

What excellent replies! One of the people who judged us & said it wouldn't last, has three children, two of whom are now divorced, one of them twice over! So, it doesn't pay to be too critical of us 'young' Mums & Dads, as it can backfire & leave you with egg on your face!