partners daughter

[Barney68]

hello ........... im am writing with hope that some of you people can offer me advice to a very delicate situation .
i am dating a wonderful woman who has a daughter of 17, the thing is this the daughter is very spoilt and as much as she is dong A Levels has the emotional attitude of a 10 year old, talks with a wimper when she can get what she wants, talks in one word answers to all adults and talks in an aggressive manner to her mum, unless of course she needs her to buy her something...... has very high demands from everyone. recently got a pet cat to which she cried and sobbed to have yet now she just ignores it. i know this comes across as very selfish, i really trying to see teenage years and all the moods that go with that .... HELP Please

[woofgang]

I would say that its your partner's problem....presumable she brought her up to be like that?

[B00]

Agree with woofgang, unless you come back and tell us why this is a problem for you?

[anneasquith]

she does sound like a normal cheeky teenager, and its her mothers responsibility,

[Barney68]

my partner and i are looking to get married ...... next year, i have so far not got involved which at times has been difficult when i watch my partner end up in tears due to the manner in which her daughter speaks to her ........ it has been openly said she was spoilt by other family members .

[ummmm]

she does sound like a normal cheeky teenager

^^ No she doesn't...she sounds like a spoilt brat. Not much you can do to be honest. She's a bit old for the naughty step..

[milly143]

This is a difficult situation for you. When I was 17 my Mum remarried and although I really liked the guy and we got on well, he never tried to dicipline (sp) me because he knew if he tried to I would tell him in no uncertain terms where to go and probably run back to Daddy and tell him what a horrible man my stepdad was. I think you should leave it to your partner but it doesn't mean you couldn't give her advice about how you think the daughter should be treated and be supportive. If the father is around it would be worth seeing if she is like that with him too. she might just be trying to play everyone off against each other and if that's the case you all have to make sure she knows it isn't going to work.

[ummmm]

But at 17??? Ridiculous...

[carmalee]

I would just support your partner - at the same time I would make it perfectly clear to 'the princess' that you will not be manipulated by her. Unfortunately the normal good manners expected between people seem to go out of the window in some families. Best keep a low profile, she's going to come a cropper when she goes out into the big wide world and tries it on.

[ummmm]

I think some families are so use to this sort of behaviour that they barely notice it. Maybe you should tell your partner how it comes across from an outsiders point of view.

[Barney68]

bit more of a picture ............... her dad is very distant, rarely see's him, i do try to not get involved inc offering advice to my partner, but the strain is showing and all i can think of is this child is in need of professional help, its not the strops that bring me to this, its the very immature behaviour and the extreme childish tantrums ...... but hen my partner can never say no, E.G, 8 kids staying over on school night, (partner stayed at mine) house upside down and yet behind on ALevels to the point a Tutor has been brought in to help.

[carmalee]

maybe it's not just the daughter that needs a wake up call (or help) maybe Mum does too. Cannot understand the 'little emperer(ess)' culture of allowing children to rule the roost. Having said that you've certainly got your work cut out to move the goalposts now she's 17.
If you are seriously worried about daughter's mental health, then have a serious chat with your partner and get something done.

[NOX]

I can't imagine that she's mentally in trouble she's just been allowed to get away with behaving like a little witch and has now grown used to it. Her mother is the only one who can halt this and she might need your back up but she is the one who has to first appreciate exactly how foul her child is- does she feel this, or is that just your perspective? If the mother isn't prepared to do something about it then there is absolutely nothing you can do I'm afraid.

[ummmm]

It's the 'my little darlings' culture coming back to bite ya on the bum...

[Sqad]

I suppose that you could give her (the daughter, not the mother;-) a good thrashing.

[mike11111]

Good to see you're bang up to date with modern child psychology, Sqad.

[Sqad]

mike....;-)

[sandyRoe]

Why stop at just the daughter? If he gave both a good thrashing the mother might learn that she sometimes needs to be cruel to be kind. The daughter would see that her role of pampered princess is over.

[mike11111]

And why stop at the mother? Kick the cat as well and show 'em all who's boss! :-)

[Barney68]

and it was going so well ........ lol

[Sqad]

LOL...EXACTLY.