Programmes about unruly children

[Octavius]

There are so many nanny programmes now.

What sort of molly-coddled tantrum throwing wasters are we going to end up with in a few years when these TV "specialists" all say that when children are naughty they should be sent to the "naughty rug" and when they are good we should award them "sticky stars"?  For frigs sake isn't this just getting ridiclous?  I know I'm old fashioned and there are limitations, but a good slap around the back of the legs and being sent up the garden was all I needed to grow into a wonderful, helpful, polite, outgoing professional person.

[Top totty]

I can't bare any more of these programmes, I wish they would film bedtime in our house. I never have a problem and as for taking 3 plus hours to put 1 child to bed and get it to stay there................ well it beggers belief.

 

I had the misfortune to watch that dreadful things on ITV last night and was completly horrified (again) about some of the dreadful children that are around and the weak willed, push over parents that are bringing them up.

I really do despair and I also despair that it seems to be the norm in most houses to have children that behave this way and that some people seem to think its one big joke.

[netibiza]

Same here Octavius - do we have the same mother???

[smudge]

When our daughters were little, it was teeth brushed, bath, bed, story, kisses, nite, nite, sweet dreams, we love you, see you in the morning, lights off. That was it until the next day, unless of course they weren't well, or there was a bad storm in the night.

[andy hughes]

This has been debated previously, and I have responded by saying that not everyone either knows instinctively, or has learned, basic parenting skills.

The thread that runs through these programmes is the parents' lack of ability to establish who'se who, and who is in charge. This is usually done from babyhood onwards, and by the time the children are the ages seen in these programmes, the lines are drawn, and everyone knows where they are.

The problems occur when mixed messages are given, and no control is enforced - with punishment if required.

To those of us who do this instictively (my wife) or those who have learned from others (me - from my wife) it seems ludicrous that such behaviour can go on, but these are ingrained relationships where the children have taken control, but are not happy. The good thing is, with a few simple changes, a proper pattern can be established quite quickly, a learning process for those taking part, a sigh of relief for us watching.

Children respond to rules, boundaries, firmness, and lots of love. If you think 'a good slap' is the answer, then fine, but as these programmes show, there are other ways to establish a good relationship with children.

[SGKelloe32]

What always amazes me is that im pretty sure they only show an hour of the child behaving in an unruly manner,when in truth, they have probablyfilmed for about a month, they dontshow you the times where the child actuallybehaves, because, lets face it, everychild wil misbehave for at least a totalof an hour in a month, i know my daughterdoes, but apart from the odd outburst sheis an angel!!

[Octavius]

Especially if the production crew is saying, 'go on be naughty for the cameraman'!!

[morg_monster]

i think you are being a bit harsh!  it is just more obvious now because they are making tv programmes out of it - but that can be a good thing if other parents with problems see it and learn.

I am 24 and remember plenty of 'naughty' children in our school who drove their parents up the wall. 

i think andy is right (as usual) that some people are instinctively 'good parents' and some aren't. i think the social fabric of the country is changing, lone parents are bringing up children, teenagers are having their own kids very young while other social classes are waiting later and later to have kids.  I think because of all this, parenting skills just aren't getting passed down through the generations like they used to be, and this is leading to problems like you see in little angels and similar progs.

Another point - the fact that most of these programs DO manage to alter the behaviour of these children by altering the parent's behaviour goes to show that the children are not 'problem kids' but just that their parents need some guidance.  I can imagine that situations can get out of hand pretty quick with a few kids - and where can parents go for help? If you're a mum with 4 kids, how can you admit that you think you're not being a great parent, where do you get some help?  People don't get taught how to be a good parent.

I think the 'naughty rug' or chair or stair fulfils exactly the same purpose as being sent out into the garden - excluding the child from whatever is going on, giving time to think and calm down.  Parenting will always involve reward and punishment but the form this takes just changes as time moves on.

[Top totty]

Smudge.  I had to laugh as thats exactly what happens in our house with our 2 small children. Once in bed thats it until the morning and a nice peaceful evening for their Father and I hopefully avoiding all these programmes with children still running around at 10pm.

 

And by the way I have never had to hit, smack, tap or belt (whatever word you care to use) any of them.

[smudge]

Top totty - thanks for that.

I was hoping my answer didn't too sound to smug, especially for anyone having problems with children at bedtime. 

I always had a good routine with our two - right from when they were babies. I think some of the problems 'can' start, if parents allow their children to go to bed with them, or get in during the night. If this becomes the 'norm' then they are bound to kick up, if suddenly, they are no longer allowed to do so. That's only my guess, as it's something we never encouraged.

A story, kiss, cuddle, I love you & nite nite!

[nrmatth]

I actually read an article a child phsycologist wrote that pointed out how in the long term, these practices were actually hurting our children more than protecting them. He pointed out that firm discipline and clear rules actually help children understand their boundaries better and gave them a better sense of control and security. It's sad to say, but the parents out their that don't have a clear thought of when it's too much or cross the line when discipline turns into abuse, are the ones that have made a simple spanking such an issue. some people were badly beaten as children or know people who were and vow never to lay a hand on their kid or raise their voice or whatever, but in the end they'll increase their chances of having a child with self-esteem issues, no understanding of how to deal with anger and problems knowing boundaries of right and wrong. not that every kid will be like that, but if all parents had a good head on their shoulders and supported each other's parenting desicions and followed through consistantly, than each parent and child would have the right to decide what works on an individual basis. Unfortunately, many bad parents or good parents who've had bad accidents, have made this impossible. And in a society where everyone's business is governed that's the consequence.

[padders]

Yes and have you noticed that all these children whose parents say they are at their wits end because they won't behave have colour TVs and Playstations in their bedrooms.  Why not take away some of these 'privileges' when they misbehave.  Food, warmth and love are necessities but Playstations aren't!

[milly143]

The funny thing is that it seems blindingly obvious to me why these kids are being so naughty all the time (well, for the whole of the program at least). Perhaps if the parents took the TV's out of the toddlers rooms, stopped swearing at them so much and actually made them go outside and play rather then sitting on their backsides indoors that might have an impacy. Worked for us when we were kids. As for a slap on the back of the legs, I don't see where the harm lies in that. If we were naughty enough we would get a little slap on the legs or hands and it worked. You soon find out not to push your parents too much.