HELP needed with a teenage son not going to school!!

[lauraking72]

My son is 15 and in yr 11, for the past few months we have had problems gettin our him to school, he keeps saying he feels sick so we caled his bluff and took him to the docs a few weeks ago and nothng was found!! He is not being bullied and he is quite well liked with lots of friends at school, we had started punishing him by removing his ipod,mobile and new xbox, now hes got to the stage where he dont care if he no longer has these luxuries. His dad works full time and shift work, i only work 4 hours a day 4 days a week so he is home on his own, i am really at the end of my teather with this and any help or advise will be greatly appreciated.

[NazNomad]

Is he smoking anything?

[woofgang]

Have you asked him why going to school makes him feel sick?

[andy-hughes]

Teenage boys are masters at hiding the dreadful insecurities and problems that plague them through this time.

You need to ease up on the punishments, and pedal down on the support.

There must be a reason why he doesn;t want to go to school - not necessarily a valid one, or one you can allow him to exercise, but it wouold help if you could find out what it is.

Reassure him that you love him, and that you have his interests at heart, and you want to help with this issue - could be a step towards getting to the bottom of the problem.

[supersuezy24]

Maybe he is afraid to admit he is been bullied?

[ummmm]

I would guess that there is something going on that he's not telling you.

[LoftyLottie]

It's a weird age especially for teenage boys, and it could be a form of depression, especially if he doesn't care what you take away from him. It sounds like anxiety and depression of some sort. Is he the sort that will open out to you, or if not to you to someone outside the family. He is in his GCSE year, has the pressure got to him?

[LoftyLottie]

Andy and I obviously agree about the age thing. My son went through acute depression and anxiety in his teens and boys are not encouraged to show their feelings. He needs a lot of support from you.

[Sqad]

One of mine was like that and we went through all the psychological "techniques"

Nothing will change.

You have got one of life´s losers.

Accept this.

[cupid04]

Is everything ok with you and his father? Any underlying atmospheres for example.
If he cant talk to you, is there another close relative he might confide in?

[supersuezy24]

That's nice Sqad...

[Snafu03]

he must be leaving school soon then? GCSEs coming up. My guess is its 'rabbit in a headlight' reaction to exam stress.

Is he academic? Is he expected good grades?

Reason I ask is because what you have said is exactly what we're going through with step-daughter. Any excuse to be off school. She's poorly prepared for her exams and she knows it. We've tried and tried but she's just not academic or motivated to do anything but stay in her room and play xbox, ipod etc.

Andy is certainly giving good advice with ease up on the punishment, it will only cause more stress. What will be, will be - he's only got 6 weeks of learning time left - its exams after Easter. Is he off to college?

[LoftyLottie]

Sqad. Sometimes you make me so angry. That comment is ridiculous and unhelpful.
We went through great problems with my son at this age and he is certainly not one of life's losers. He went through a massive period of insecurity and worried us (and himself) to bits. He almost had a complete breakdown.

You don't know anything about laura's son and to say he is one of life's losers is just awful.

[cupid04]

Sqad, that is very harsh and not at all helpful?

[NazNomad]

Sqad, 'like father, like son' might not apply in this case, as it did in yours ...

[Sqad]

Lofty/cupid.......but is it the truth?

[supersuezy24]

No

[cupid04]

I disagree sqad, you know very little about Laura and her son to make such a
judgement.

[Jemisa]

Have you told him that YOU can go to Jail for him constantly being off school? ITS YOUR FAULT< thats how the authorities see it anyhow.

jem

[LoftyLottie]

I would not label any child of 15 as one of life's loser's Sqad.

Have you ever had dealings with school refusers, because I have. (Not my own son). Many, many, of them have real problems with confidence and insecurity and they get over it and flourish with the right treatment.

[fairycakes69]

One of mine was the same, we both work full time and as far as we knew he was at school, he was leaving to go. It wasn't until his teacher phoned to say he hadn'd been in for over a month that we found out. He had just turned 16 the teacher asked why he was staying on at school, I said he either got a job, went to college or stay at school. In the end we let him leave, took a year to get a job, he is now 20 and working for himself and working very hard, we're very proud of him.
Maybe your son has had enough of school, some do. In Scotland kids can do a linked course with college at 15, this works really well for the ones that have had enough of school but need to stay for their age. This may be the way to go. Ask him.
Good luck never give up, just try a different course.