Positive Thinking Help Required Please

[beckersjay]

Ever since New Year, every time I open the paper or watch the TV, someone seems to be talking about the awful survival statistics for lung cancer. It seems I have already passed the average sell-by date but up until now have been able to keep fairly positive and motivated most of the time. I'm now really down in the dumps despite the fact that my chemo seems to be holding things stable at the moment. Every time I get any sort of symptom or even just feel a bit tired I start imagining the worst and feel really depressed. Maybe it's worse because it's New Year, a time when most people look forward.
I hate feeling like this. Would welcome any words of help.

[woofgang]

I really understand how you feel. I still avoid reading about cancer survival rates, treatments and so on and have done since my late husband was first diagnosed. Its worse when you feel vulnerable. Chemo itself can make you feel depressed, rather like the flu. Have you got a Macmillan nurse or someone similar to talk to?

[vakayu]

As you say beckersjay it is a new year and time for reflection as well as the future,you are stable just now so long may that continue even though the chemo is gruelling to say the least. Remeber always that statistics can and often are broken,so you can just go forward and prove that point,chin up and have a good 2013!!!

[beckersjay]

I have a Macmillan nurse Woofgang. She is a truly lovely person but is relentlessly upbeat (which I find difficult just at present), not to mention vastly overworked.

[weecalf]

Remember you are important and what happens to you is important .Every kind wish to you at this time .

[albaqwerty]

Beckersjay, I understand about the constantly upbeat person, when there are times that you want to sit and reflect or do nothing at all, it's a bit over-whelming.
Wishing you a good 2013 xxxx

[woofgang]

I think its what many health care professionals believe that people want and its often easier for them to give. It takes a strong and special kind of person to be able to share grief, fear and despair.

[Robinia]

Try not to dwell on statistics beckersjay, they're not helpful, even when they're in your favour there are days when you doubt them.
Well done on getting this far with your chemo, it's a very hard slog. Don't think too far ahead, take each day or week as it comes...set yourself little goals and if you're still having chemo buy a small treat and put it aside as a reward until that cycle is done. Allow yourself to feel down, depressed or bloomin angry if you need to, you have every right to have bad days, but don't let the bad days take over, better times will come. Take care and wishing you all the best for 2013. x

[shaneystar2]

Cancer is a word not a sentence .
My husband is a cancer survivor atm .We won't really know until five years are up and it's a constant worry so I know how you feel .Try to take each day as it comes and keep trucking .Try not to read so much gloom and doom ,turn over and read the cartoons or switch channels and find something to laugh at .
Chin up ,here's to a positive 2013 for you x

[beckersjay]

Thank you all! Since I posted, I have been ruminating on some things I said and some of you said. I do have difficulty expressing negative feelings - it took me 5 days to pluck up courage to write this post! Maybe I should arrange some time with a counsellor and just let myself cry and stamp my feet and say how unfair it all is. Worth a try? Seems the negative thoughts are in there with a vengeance so I need to let them rip for a bit....

[daisya]

Think you might have the right idea there beckersjay...get the negative thoughts out and let the positive ones in...difficult I know because of personal circs that I am going through at the moment....BUT, I'm sure you will be right on track getting it out of your system as much as you can. Lots of luck and gentle hugs - you will get there in the end.

[Robinia]

Oh yes beckersjay, let it all out...a good friend/support worker will let you do that, it's all part of the process, no one can be upbeat and positive all the time. Come on here and have a rant if you want, there's bound to be someone around who understands.

[albaqwerty]

As Robinia says, you're always welcome to come on here and rant, kick, shout, laugh, cry, whatever your mood might take you.

[Sqad]

beckers....you are going to die.......we are all going to die.........you will most likely outlive many of the posters who have already contributed to your thread.

Statistics on cancer are important ....very important.....they, compared with the same statistics over a certain period will tell us if out treatments are effective .....a very important function. The basically answer the question....what are my chances. However, statistics are made up of averages....some will not reach the survival rate, some will and some will exceed the 5year survival rate.

You have just started your treatment, I do not have the details of your disease, just your previous posts.

I am not very good at the "touchy feely" bit of medicine, never have been and never will be .........I have distanced myself from personal involvement.

You have lung cancer....you are having treatment for it, so try and focus on the positive things in life. Easy to say and i don't know if i could do it.

All the posts above are given in good faith.

[beckersjay]

Sorry for the silence - went away to give my long-suffering husband some quality time over a cup of tea. Thank you all, and thank you sqad for the down-to-earth comments - I suspect, though,you may have more of a soft centre than you let on... I am feeling sorry for myself at the moment and logic about mortality statistics goes out of the window at times like this so it doesn't hurt to be reminded.

[Iluvspikey]

Never mind about figures and stats about other people, lets just concentrate about you. My aunt had the right idea, he had cervical cancer and got cured and went on to have two babies and she's still going strong 12 years later. she called her cancer 'The thing' and imagined that every time you have a nice meal, and some exercise and some treatment, it weakened 'the thing' very much. If she felt tired 'the thing' was wide awake, and rest would weaken it. positive thoughts weakened it, happ thought weakened it, it thrived on bad or depressive thoughts - so don't give in to it. Obviously you'll have your bad days, but vow to yourself that on the next good day you'll come back twice as ready to knock the thing into submission and feel great. You may find hypno-therapy helps too. I wish you all the luck and good, positive outcome xx

[beckersjay]

Those are lovely thoughts Iluvspikey - thank you.

[Iluvspikey]

I don't know if you'll read this, but this morning I was listening to Broadcasting House on R4 at 9am. It had on an article about the island of Icaria in Greece, apparntly peole live on average 10 years longer. they were talking to a man who was 98. 45 yers ago he lived in america and the doctors there had given him 9 months to live from lung cancer, so he went home to die. Now he's running up step ladders knocking the olives off his trees, chatting to his friend (103 years old) . He eats NO processed food at all, just fresh fruit and vegetables, a little meat and fish 3-4 times a week olive oil and 'pure' red wine. He also drank a tea made from wild herbs they pick in the hills sweetend with greek honey. Just thought I'd pass it on to you...xxx

[beckersjay]

Iluvspikey - have just read your post and found it really inspiring as an example of how people can beat the statistics - though I ponder whether I have the willpower to follow that sort of simple eating regime really strictly... But who knows what was the key factor - diet, peace of mind, freedom from stress, maybe a bit of all of these and more.
Thank you for thinking of me when you heard this item - it means a lot

[annieigma]

my O.H was given weeks, rather than months to live, from breast cancer 30 years ago. she also had a stroke after the operation. she has asthma and a heart murmer. She is still a good looking hard working lady, and we carry on and pretend it never happened, we never talk about it, it's in the past, we were looking to the future, and here we are. I am sure a positive outlook will help.

[beckersjay]

annieigma - many thanks for sharing your uplifting story. I would be interested to know if you were always positive about the outcome for your OH from the early days following the prognosis. If not, when did you start to be confident that things were going to turn out well?