ChatterBank1 min ago
Just Need Any Advice I Can Get!
7 Answers
Hi, sorry if this is a super long question, but to get an accurate answer I think I need to give you a bit of background on the situation.
I'll do my best to make it as short as I can.
Basically, boy meets girls, boy gives girl number, boy and girl start communicating everyday after that. Boy is in a complicated situation in his life. He has just come out of a seven year relationship with his ex who he has three young children with, who subsequently cheated on him three times during the course of their relationship with three different men from his work. After having a serious discussion about how the two of us should approach this, we both decide mutually that it should just be a casual thing. Nothing serious, no meeting his boys, no meeting each others family or friends etc. Just, casual. After that, girl stays at boys house out of the blue one night. They agreed one night only. One night turns into two, turns into three, and before they know it, girl has stayed at boys place fore an entire week. In that week, there was so much passion, so much contentment, so much....joy. Personal, intimate and private things were said from both parties, and a very strong bond was forming. Stronger and faster than we had even wanted or anticipated. Boy was still extremely confused about his whole situation with his ex. She was super controlling throughout their entire relationship, and even after they had broken up, she would call him a minimum of five times a day while still texting him, asking what he was doing, who he was with, when he'd be home etc, etc. She didn't know about girl because she is the type of woman who would use the kids against the father to get what she wants. She couldn't have him but didn't want anyone else to have him, you know? Boy did say one night that he was glad it was over with her and he didn't have to marry her because even before she had cheated at all he could feel they weren't right for each other. They were only together so long because there first child was a complete surprise and then they had their other two. Anyway, long story short, after that week boy takes time to himself to think about everything and girl gives him all the space he needs. By this time real and strong feelings had formed between boy and girl and they couldn't help but miss each other every time they were apart. That week was more intense than anyone could understand, even them I'm sure. After about three days of space, boy texts girl saying that he is trying to work things out with his ex so that his boys can have a happy family life again. Which of course I can understand in that aspect. He had a broken home growing up and doesn't want his own boys to have that too. On the other hand though, she has cheated on him three times already, she is bound to do it all again. The more chances he gives her and the more times he takes her back, the more she is going to think it's okay because he will take her back eventually and she can control him and their whole life once more. Even in the final message sent to girl, he said that he misses her more than he can explain, that week with her was the happiest he has been since the birth of his youngest son, which was just over a year ago, she is amazing and he wishes things could be different. Now, as a female, girl is most likely over analyzing the whole situation. But girl knows boy more than she knew, more than she wanted to and more than she needed to. She knows that it isn't what he truly wants or deserves. He is doing it all souly for his boys, which of course is understandable and girl respects boy so much for that, but he has to put his own happiness into the equation too. Children aren't stupid, they can see and feel what is going on around them. From personal experience, kids would rather their parents be apart and everyone be happy than together and have tension and unhappiness in everyone's life.
At this point, boy has blocked girls number, without any other form of communication
I'll do my best to make it as short as I can.
Basically, boy meets girls, boy gives girl number, boy and girl start communicating everyday after that. Boy is in a complicated situation in his life. He has just come out of a seven year relationship with his ex who he has three young children with, who subsequently cheated on him three times during the course of their relationship with three different men from his work. After having a serious discussion about how the two of us should approach this, we both decide mutually that it should just be a casual thing. Nothing serious, no meeting his boys, no meeting each others family or friends etc. Just, casual. After that, girl stays at boys house out of the blue one night. They agreed one night only. One night turns into two, turns into three, and before they know it, girl has stayed at boys place fore an entire week. In that week, there was so much passion, so much contentment, so much....joy. Personal, intimate and private things were said from both parties, and a very strong bond was forming. Stronger and faster than we had even wanted or anticipated. Boy was still extremely confused about his whole situation with his ex. She was super controlling throughout their entire relationship, and even after they had broken up, she would call him a minimum of five times a day while still texting him, asking what he was doing, who he was with, when he'd be home etc, etc. She didn't know about girl because she is the type of woman who would use the kids against the father to get what she wants. She couldn't have him but didn't want anyone else to have him, you know? Boy did say one night that he was glad it was over with her and he didn't have to marry her because even before she had cheated at all he could feel they weren't right for each other. They were only together so long because there first child was a complete surprise and then they had their other two. Anyway, long story short, after that week boy takes time to himself to think about everything and girl gives him all the space he needs. By this time real and strong feelings had formed between boy and girl and they couldn't help but miss each other every time they were apart. That week was more intense than anyone could understand, even them I'm sure. After about three days of space, boy texts girl saying that he is trying to work things out with his ex so that his boys can have a happy family life again. Which of course I can understand in that aspect. He had a broken home growing up and doesn't want his own boys to have that too. On the other hand though, she has cheated on him three times already, she is bound to do it all again. The more chances he gives her and the more times he takes her back, the more she is going to think it's okay because he will take her back eventually and she can control him and their whole life once more. Even in the final message sent to girl, he said that he misses her more than he can explain, that week with her was the happiest he has been since the birth of his youngest son, which was just over a year ago, she is amazing and he wishes things could be different. Now, as a female, girl is most likely over analyzing the whole situation. But girl knows boy more than she knew, more than she wanted to and more than she needed to. She knows that it isn't what he truly wants or deserves. He is doing it all souly for his boys, which of course is understandable and girl respects boy so much for that, but he has to put his own happiness into the equation too. Children aren't stupid, they can see and feel what is going on around them. From personal experience, kids would rather their parents be apart and everyone be happy than together and have tension and unhappiness in everyone's life.
At this point, boy has blocked girls number, without any other form of communication
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available for the two of them, and I simply cannot let go. When I first met him, he was a total mess. The first night I stayed, he didn't sleep a wink because of his depression and insomnia. He hadn't eaten the night or day before and didn't want breakfast the next morning. He was pale and his nails and nail beds were so torn up from him picking at them because of the stress. By the next night, he had eaten a full meal, was smiling so much, he had left his nails alone for most of the day and that night, he slept like a baby only while I was in his arms. If I went to the bathroom or had moved out of his reach, he would wake up and wrap me in his arms once more and fall back asleep. I'm at a loss at to what to do. I can't just let go and forget knowing he is unhappy once more. I can't move on from this just yet without understanding, help me? Please...
poor you Caity its cruel, but there is nothing you can do, maybe he just used you to show ex wife what she was missing, they really never lost contact what with the texting & phone calls did they ? Move away if you possibly can and change your phone number because he might start flitting between the two of you. Make a fresh start preferably with a nice guy with no baggage, good luck hope you find a nice man to love.
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