Anyone Awake To Chat To Worried Mummy/nanny??

[Smowball]

Im visiting my daughter who has an 18 month old girl and is 5 months pregnant again (unplanned). I've got here lunchtime and daughters stress levels are off the scale. Child has suddenly turned from loving to having the most awful tantrums, which I witnessed today. Literally one minute playing then screaming, slapping her own face, scratching herself, smacking her head on the floor. .couldnt quite believe it.daughter has short fuse anyway and I kept trying to get her to ignore it but she wouldn't. Was shouting at her to stop in frustration. I then bathed child later and sW a huge red handprint on her bottom. Daughter admitted shed slapped her and then said she'd also slapped her round the face last week. My daughter does suffer from depression but I'm really really worried now. She's already said she isn't going to cope when the baby arrives.

[Maydup]

You must try to persuade her to deal with it differently. The child will grow out of the tantrums, but it will take longer if she is punished or dealt with harshly. Mum needs to give her a hug or if that is impossible, leave her and make soothing noises. Maybe your daughter could do with a hug too. Try that tomorrow if it happens again.

[Cloverjo]

Encourage your daughter to see her GP. Post-natal depression can occur up to 2 years after the birth of the baby. I am sure that doctor would give her anti-depressants even though she is pregnant. Does she have a partner?

[Smowball]

Daughter has had a massive hug but she just can't cope with stress. Her bf is so laid back it's ridiculous . He got in from work and then went straight out after dinner. I managed to talk to him when he got bk and said she really needs more help and support. I put child to bed fine but three hours later when we all went up just the sound of a bedroom door clicking shut and she was up and hysterical. Seems to be hyper sensitive to the teeniest sound. Daughter went in and started shouting at her and I managed to get her to bk to bed and I dealt with it by keeping laying her down in cot and not making eye contact - she tried. To stand back up seven or eight times but kept repeating and she fell asleep. But daughter just shouts and shouts at her

[Smowball]

I'm so so worried as I have to drive bk him tomorrow.

[Smowball]

Home

[Mamyalynne]

I agree with Clover, she has got herself into a vicious circle and needs some help and guidance, difficult when you aren't local.

The GP could well point her to more help - shouting is the absolute worst way to deal with this , am sure she knows that really.

[Cloverjo]

My son was similar as a tot. He just would not sleep. He would stand up in his cot and scream and wake up 6 times a night. I know how tough it is.
I wonder if the little girl might have Aspergers or autism. The hyper-sensitivity and hurting herself might indicate something like that. I think your daughter should talk to her doctor anyway, about her own problems and the girl's behaviour.

[Smowball]

I brought some info up on iPad whilst I'd settled baby and it all said do NOT shout, walk away. Count to 10 etc but she just said easier said then done. I've offered to have baby at mine for a few days, to have her and let bf have baby but she said no to everything. Even said she wished she had aborted the baby she is expecting

[Mamyalynne]

Those are good points too Clover, how is the little girl in regard to her general development?

Presumably she knows a new baby is on the way too?

[Smowball]

Sorry iPad died! well child has been told about baby but doesn't seem to understand. Refuses to say the word mumm but will say daddy endlessly . She doesn't seem to react to pain very much either

[waterboatman]

Your daughter really must see her GP soonest. Help is required for both of them.

[bednobs]

this might just be the worst day in a week or two of very long days for your daughter. I hve found myself driven to do things i later regreet when my daughter is being a tasmanian devil.

[pixie374]

It sounds like sensory processing disorder for the little girl. My son has that too, related to autism. I think both of them need to go to the GP, your daughter for anxiety and a paediatric referral for her daughter.

[Smowball]

Thanks for all replies .so much appreciated.am up early as going away today. Daughter finally cracked - she is a hard as nails character and ended up sobbing on my shoulder. Little one slept quite well in the end. I got up with her and made daughter go bk to bed to sleep. Am going to somehow drive the 6 her round trip at least once a week to help her. Insisted she gets to the doctors.was ha retrying to feed little one whilst there - she absolutely freaks out if you even try to help her or even touch her little spoon or fork. She will scream and turn to face the other way

[ummmm]

Smow...you're a lovely person x

[Smowball]

Ah bless you I'm not. Well I have my heart in the right place But I seem to balls up most of the time!

[albaqwerty]

you don't balls up most of the time Smow, that's just what us mums think we do xx
We worry constantly - have no advice to offer, I'm sorry, but do hope daughter and her kiddy-wink will see GP and help if offered and taken
Sending you cyber-hugs xxx

[Smowball]

Ahh Thankyou Hun. You're right tho -there is no mummy manual. We just plod through!

[anneasquith]

My concern would be apart from shouting at the baby she actually " hit" the child, enough to leave a visible mark. I'm sorry but I think it is your duty to inform the health visitor. Mum needs help. Pity she has a useless partner.

[Prudie]

anne on this occasion I agree with you. Smow from what I've read you have had family problems off the scale and you get a lot of deserved support but that aside an 18mth with slap marks and getting slapped round the head is totally unacceptable and will get picked up by those outside the family - as it should. I would certainly get external help as soon as possible.