Told my boss....

[nat_84]

I just told my boss that i'm pregnant...

He basically said the following things:

"you're too young to be a mother" (im 22 karl 25)

"you'll have to live at home with your mum which she wont want"

"you either work full-time or leave when you've had the child - but i dont think you'd be able to handle working ft with a child"

"i don't believe in abortion but do adoption" (HE WAS ADOPTED)

"STRONGLY consider adoption - it's not hard and you'll get over it"

He's left now, so i'm just sat at my desk crying my eyes out...not sure if it's the hormones or not, i feel so ****** off and hurt!!!

[kate1976]

Huge hugs to you nat!! He has no rights to say things like that to you, of course he may have an opinion but to talk to you like that doesn't make him look very proffessional!!

Listen sweetheart so long as you and your fella are happy then **** what everyone else thinks! Don't let people grind you down! xxxxx

[B00]

A boss spoke to you like that? Is there anyone higher than him you can complain to? What about HR?

As with most men regarding childbirth and the primary care of children, he knows nowt!

Next time he decides to stick his oar in, tell him your personal life is just that, personal, and you've no wish to discuss it with him.

nat- most of us here have spoken to you on occasion, and whilst we obviously don't know you personally, we all believe you'll be an excellant mum. He probably got to you more because of your hormones.

Once again, don't listen to him, he sounds an arse!

Boo
xxxx

[boobesque]

OMG! Aw Nat that is awful, he shouldnt be allowed to get away with that, what the hell happened to congratulations!

If i were you, i would take that anger and i would write to your HR department, if you have one, as that is bang out of order, no-one has the right to suggest adoption or abortion when they have nothing to do with the baby, heartless idiot!

Ooooh i am sooo cross, i feel like giving him a kick in the knackers for you

Big hugs, and let me just say, our daughter wasnt planned, but is the most loved and adored and worshipped little girl ever! Worth everything, even this crap x

[PinkFizz]

What a total and utter sh*t!!!!! I would seriously consider putting in a formal complaint against him.

Huge hugs to you sweetie.xxxx

[redcrx]

what a git.
On no account let him get to you hun. He had no right to say such things to you.
You can work full time and bring up a child if you want to, thousands of mums do, and he has to give consideration to you should you wish to return part time as well.
At least its friday and youve got the weekend to prepare for any further dumb comments he chooses to make next week. He has also got the weekend to realise its not the end of the world and to congratulate you on your news.

xx

[nat_84]

thanks girls.

I've calmed down a bit now..

forget to mention this comment.... on the subject of him persuading me to have an abortion..

"there are plenty of middle-class couples out there that can't have children...!!"

So i guess he expects me to hand my child over to them without feeling any attatchment?!

The more i think abotu the things he said the more it winds me up!

Luckily my boyfriends mum is a HR manager so she knows the ins and outs and about the new laws coming in soon. She was in shock when i told her what he said and suggested i write a formal letter stating the due date of my baby and about my maternity rights, she also said to tell him you dont want to discuss personal issues with him and to find out our companies maternity provisions.

Unfortunately we dont have a HR department, it's a very small business, usually only me in the office.

Gosh this is hard work!!!

I'm sure it'll be worth it :o)

[redcrx]

have you joined a pregnancy board yet? did i give you the ivillage links? there will be women on there in the same position as you and may be able to offer further advice on the issue of dealing with your employer.
I know i was lucky, working for family, but i still had to sacrifice my maternity leave and worked from 2 weeks after the birth. I dont suggest you do this as I could take my son to work but it may show you that there are always ways around obsticles.

[Pippa68]

I can't believe my eyes, nat!

OMG. What effing business is it of his to say those things to you? definately complain to someone ~ his treatment of you can be seen as bullying..not to mention totally unethical!!!!!!

I am steaming..goodness knows how you feel. He is a complete and utter pillock.

[tradey]

cant believe he spoke to you like that and to say things like this,is there anyone higher than him you can speak too,he was well out of order,how dare he,well thats some bosses for you isnt it.god thats made me so angry,dont you worry youll be fine,dont listern to your stupid boss,its your life not his take care xxx

[nat_84]

Hi Ladies,

I wrote an email to my collegue (she only works in the office on wednesdays but knows my boss VERY well and has had two kids whilst working there). I explained that i was very upset and told her he suggested adoption...

I also told her i would rather my personal situations were not discussed in the office and asked for the maternity provisions...

So we'll see what she says in response!

I'll keep you updated when i get an email back!

xxx

[nat_84]

Got a really nice email back from my colleague. Basically saying not to worry about my boss - he's like a bull in a china shop when he's caught on the hop.

She also said there's no way he can stop u returning from work - it's up to me.

She listed my maternity rights.

And said i've got her full support.

So i feel much better :o)

just gotta decide what i want to do now....but i dont think i'll know what i want until the baby's here!

[redcrx]

oh Im so glad youve got someone at work who is more helpfull than your boss.
Read up on what your entitled to and go from there. A lot of women go on maternity leave expecting to return and then find they change their minds.
Hope your boss has calmed down today

[nat_84]

My boss hasn't really said anything today - which i expected. I think he's just a typical old fashioned Yorkshire man...stuck in his ways. My parents told me not to take it personally but its hard not to!

Will make sure my boyfriends mum (HR manager - who recently re-wrote her staff maternity provisions) looks at what they offer me.

I think my colleague listed the old maternity provisions as i know they change from April 1st - so i'll be entitled to longer maternity pay and leave.

Thanks all for your support! xxx

[redcrx]

the major change from april is that you can take 9 months paid leave instead of the previous 6 months. 6 weeks is at 90% of your salary (your boss gets this reimbursed upfront from government so should be able to provide some cover|) and then the remainder at statuatory maternity pay which is about �100 a week.
Check out your tax credit allowance which is a fair amount and maybe working family tax credit. You are also entitled to child benefit.
It doesnt cost a lot to get the basic requirements for a baby, and Ive got some good links for pram websites and know a lot of bargain hunters if you need any help on that side too.

[nat_84]

lol awww thanks redcrx.

Looked breifly into benefits and we're both entitled to childcare vouchers which is a big help.

Are main problem now is housing...

We were orginally going to try for council housing, but it's very unlikely me and my boyfriends will be priority because of our wages.

The route we're going to take now is shared ownership, this also means we'll get onto the property ladder.

Will be chasing you for those pram websites in the scarily near future! lol x

[redcrx]

i cant really help on the housing thing but can sympathise with the whole 'getting on the ladder' thing, its far from easy for people now.
Shared ownership could be a good move for you.
Hey if you need any info at any point and you think i might be able to help then email me on [email protected].

[nat_84]

thanks redcrx - thats really kind of you. Its been a great help coming on good ol' AB and listening to the wise words and advice from those that know best!

Will defo send u an email if i become stuck on any other trivial pursuits as a mother!! xxx