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Difficult post for me to make
As quite a few of you know, my daughter was expecting twins, however we were recently advised that she was having what is termed a Mono-amniotic pregnancy, and that the outcome wasn't great. During her fortnightly scan yesterday we were told that both babies had died.
She has now got to wait until Saturday to be admitted to the delivery suite at the hospital where she will be given a pessary (sp) every 3 hours to bring on labour.
She has- to all our horror, got to delivery these babies as normal.
I've pondered since yesterday whether to make this post, however as a few of of you knew about her pregnancy and the difficulties involved I thought it right to let you know.
I'm not really a praying person, but since yesterday I have been doing- I honestly don't know how we're going to get through Saturday and the weeks/months to follow.
If anyone feels this post is a bit too depressing, feel free to report it, it has however helped slightly to write it down.
Thanks for listening.
Boo
She has now got to wait until Saturday to be admitted to the delivery suite at the hospital where she will be given a pessary (sp) every 3 hours to bring on labour.
She has- to all our horror, got to delivery these babies as normal.
I've pondered since yesterday whether to make this post, however as a few of of you knew about her pregnancy and the difficulties involved I thought it right to let you know.
I'm not really a praying person, but since yesterday I have been doing- I honestly don't know how we're going to get through Saturday and the weeks/months to follow.
If anyone feels this post is a bit too depressing, feel free to report it, it has however helped slightly to write it down.
Thanks for listening.
Boo
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Sorry beryl, didnt see your further post, wasnt ignoring you- thanks, we need al lthe prayers we can get a the mo!
Radio- sorry to hear about your loss too, it breaks my heart to think of all those loved babies who have been denied life when they are so wanted, but well guess that's another topic really. Thanks for your kind words- can I ask- how did you cope with it all?
Yeah CD- we were told all that yesterday, she was told that she could also have their footprints as a keepsake, at which point I broke down, I'm hardly very supportive to her, wish I was, but I'm such a crybaby at the best of times.
BM- Do you think i could ask for a photo for myself, even if she doesnt want one? It may sound macabre but i personally want 'something' to remember them by?
Radio- sorry to hear about your loss too, it breaks my heart to think of all those loved babies who have been denied life when they are so wanted, but well guess that's another topic really. Thanks for your kind words- can I ask- how did you cope with it all?
Yeah CD- we were told all that yesterday, she was told that she could also have their footprints as a keepsake, at which point I broke down, I'm hardly very supportive to her, wish I was, but I'm such a crybaby at the best of times.
BM- Do you think i could ask for a photo for myself, even if she doesnt want one? It may sound macabre but i personally want 'something' to remember them by?
I second what CD has said.
The photo issue is important ~ and as john has said I am sure the staff will be sympathetic, BOO.
One of the things that my mother regrets is the fact that she has no photo or keepsake to remember my big sister by. In 1965 things were brushed under the carpet, and my mum was persuaded not to go to the funeral.
This had a terrible effect, as it hasn't helped the grieving process at all. My mum still gets incredibly upset as she has forgotten what my sister looked like :o(
The photo issue is important ~ and as john has said I am sure the staff will be sympathetic, BOO.
One of the things that my mother regrets is the fact that she has no photo or keepsake to remember my big sister by. In 1965 things were brushed under the carpet, and my mum was persuaded not to go to the funeral.
This had a terrible effect, as it hasn't helped the grieving process at all. My mum still gets incredibly upset as she has forgotten what my sister looked like :o(
Oh god Mrs O- im sorry- I hope my post hasn't upset you, im really sorry if it has. I guess you cope because you have to eh?
Pippa- yes, that's what I mean, I don't want their brief existance to be brushed under the carpet. Yes, think i'll ask for a photo for myself, will try and do it without her knowledge perhaps if she's totally against the idea? Would they do that? God, my head's in bits about this. I'm also sorry to hear about your mums loss too, i've never experienced anything like this myself and I'm really at a loss to know how to cope, it's doubly harder when I've to pretend to be strong for my daughters sake.
Pippa- yes, that's what I mean, I don't want their brief existance to be brushed under the carpet. Yes, think i'll ask for a photo for myself, will try and do it without her knowledge perhaps if she's totally against the idea? Would they do that? God, my head's in bits about this. I'm also sorry to hear about your mums loss too, i've never experienced anything like this myself and I'm really at a loss to know how to cope, it's doubly harder when I've to pretend to be strong for my daughters sake.
boo, i did not cope very well, my mum and dad were living abroad, i was young and we were offered counseling for people who'd lost children - not babies.
we went never the less, but not very helpfull.
it wasnt till much later we discoverd S.A.N.D.S
the stillbirth and neonatial death society.
i almost 8 years later am better, a lot better, i have a good man (as me and oskars dad split 2 years after his birth/death.)
and we have baby gaga, whos 19 months.
i have a picture of oskar, his handprints and footprints.
he is buiried in a lovely area. it seems like a distant memory, although reading your post brought it all flooding back.
i eventually seen oskar at the mortury but i then wished id seen him after his birth. and not later.
much love to you all boo. radio. xxxxx
we went never the less, but not very helpfull.
it wasnt till much later we discoverd S.A.N.D.S
the stillbirth and neonatial death society.
i almost 8 years later am better, a lot better, i have a good man (as me and oskars dad split 2 years after his birth/death.)
and we have baby gaga, whos 19 months.
i have a picture of oskar, his handprints and footprints.
he is buiried in a lovely area. it seems like a distant memory, although reading your post brought it all flooding back.
i eventually seen oskar at the mortury but i then wished id seen him after his birth. and not later.
much love to you all boo. radio. xxxxx
Boo - your post has NOT upset me, I just wanted to say I can fully sympathise with your daughter's situation. Everyone deals with things in different ways and although the passing of time does help, the memories are always there. I've planted trees for each of my babies and it comforts me to see them growing big & strong. Each year on the anniversaries of what would have been their birthdays and on the anniversaries of the dates I lost them I have to have quiet time by myself. I have scan pictures, locks of hair, footprints and photo's. I would strongly advise anyone to have as many tangible items as possible. The last baby I lost was on an Xmas day and my mum died two hours later. I gain a great deal of comfort from thinking my mum is looking after my babies. There is nothing that helps the raw grief and there is nothing wrong in giving into it. One thing that really did help me was talking to someone who had been in a similar situation (a midwife gave me someone to contact) as I felt so alone, despite having a huge extended family. My faith also helped me, but that's purely a personal thing. xx
Mrs O ~ thanks for your posts too. It validates the fact that photos and keepsakes, graves or memorials play a vital part in the grieving/healing process.
It has always been my opinion that if my mother had been given access to these things she would have coped a lot better. As it was, the three children she subsequently delivered successfully grew up with their mothers extreme pre-occupation with her lost daughter which has affected us all in different ways.
I am glad things are done so much differently now.
It has always been my opinion that if my mother had been given access to these things she would have coped a lot better. As it was, the three children she subsequently delivered successfully grew up with their mothers extreme pre-occupation with her lost daughter which has affected us all in different ways.
I am glad things are done so much differently now.
Aww, B00! I'm so, so sorry. I echo everything that everyone has said before me.
I think Pippa is right and that having these things with help with your family's grieving. My Mum's twin brother died the day after they were born. He was buried by the hospital, but my Grandma and Grandad couldn't afford a headstone at the time. Apparently the records have since been lost and they don't know where he his, and my Grandma gets so upset by it.
Lots of love, B00 amd I hope you get through tomorrow as best you can. Hugs x x x
I think Pippa is right and that having these things with help with your family's grieving. My Mum's twin brother died the day after they were born. He was buried by the hospital, but my Grandma and Grandad couldn't afford a headstone at the time. Apparently the records have since been lost and they don't know where he his, and my Grandma gets so upset by it.
Lots of love, B00 amd I hope you get through tomorrow as best you can. Hugs x x x
You're not alone BOO - I've been bawling reading your threads from last night & today - also all the others who have been through similar sad times.
Mrs. O, bless you - I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your two babies, 'specially losing your Mum on the same day as one of them. Was it Christmas day 2005, only I seem to remember someone else on here, losing their Mum the same day as I lost my sister Amy?
Thinking of you BOO & all. -xx-
Mrs. O, bless you - I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your two babies, 'specially losing your Mum on the same day as one of them. Was it Christmas day 2005, only I seem to remember someone else on here, losing their Mum the same day as I lost my sister Amy?
Thinking of you BOO & all. -xx-
BOO - if a funeral is too much emotion ( I never buried mine - they were too underdeveloped), why not plant a rose bush or something in their memory in the garden. Although I lost mine 22yrs ago, I still always mention them on the day I miscarried, it's just something I have to do, just a little memory.
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