Do I keep my baby?

[katy77]

I am coming up to 12 weeks pregnant and in a real situation.... I have a child already who currently lives with his father and is 4 this month. I amwith someone else currenlty not yet divorced but we have been seperated for2.5 years and I have been with my current partner for 2 years. When I fell pregnant we were not going to keep the baby but when I went to have an abortion at 7 weeks I couldnt do it. I have had terrible morning sickness by body has changed and my partner still talks about when we are going to have the appointement again. I understnd his point in regards to the situation and he says if it wa different he would love a baby. I dont know what to do because I dont wasnt my child of 4 to feel left out and replaced wither. Please help....!

[ganesh]

Yeah,whose fault was it anyway?

[ganesh]

Women ruin men's lives by having unwanted babies? It takes two you know, and abortion is not an easy or pleasant solution or an easy decision to make. Luckily the father doesn't have to go through it,does he?

[annie0000]

There has been a lot here about the rights as a father not to have the baby if he doesn't want it. I agree that ideally it should be a joint decision that both can be happy with, but at the end of the day, he chose to have sex, no contraception can be viewed as 100% safe. By choosing to have sex, he has to take into account that there may be a baby created and take responsibility for that decision. i am presuming that both parties did not agree in advance that any pregnancy would be terminated and that you are not going against that decision (which you are able to do, but to ask him to maintain the child would be more of an issue).

i get the feeling from your responses that you want to keep the baby but feel for various reasons that you shouldn't.

Anyway, I hope that you feel that you can make the right decision for you that you can live with in the future. We are talking about a future human being here who deserves to be loved and wanted - preferrably by both his/her parents. None of us know what the future holds, but for me, money, etc is all a secondary issue to the love that is needed.

[naflharrison]

i think in all honesty that the last thing you need to do is hear other people arguing over whether a man has the right to say whether a child should be aborted or not, my sister is only 19 and her beautiful little girl is 7mths old, its been a tought journey and when she found out she was pregnant her boyfriend and his parents were planning the abortion for her and talking past her about sharing the cost between them etc. i was appaled that they could completely disregard her feelings and initially she said she would have an abortion as she felt she would get no support if she didnt. by the time she was just over 3mths pregnant she took the courage to stand up and say that she wanted to keep her baby despite what they thought. they are the same grandparents who cried tears of joy when she was born and now spoil her like the word abortion was never uttered. her boyfriend during the pregnancy got used to the fact that he was going to be a father and i have never seen such love between father and daughter as i do with them. please choose for yourself, it may be that your partner is scared, my sis lives at home and has little money but is happy and her daughter is the happiest baby i have ever seen, always smiling. it can work if you beleive in yourselves, good luck

[katy77]

Thank you for all your comments which have been very helpful ...... I have spoken with my Mum and I know that she supports what ever decision I make which makes life a lot easier. I think my partner would eventually come round to the decision but if he dosent then that is something I will just have to face because if I couldnt go ahead at 7 weeks how can I now??? Just like he wouldnt ask to be in this situation, niether would I but we are and some times you have to face up to things.....

[annie0000]

Sounds like you have made the decision to keep your baby katy - all the best for your future together.

[tigwig]

I'm really glad you are going to keep the baby. I would do anything to be pregnant! Let us know how you are getting on in the future.

[ganesh]

I felt happy when you said you had made the decision to keep it although there was a lot of logical reasons for not doing so and I didn't like the way this thread was going. There are an awful lot of 'unplanned ' pregnancies in the world but it doesn't mean that the children born from them are going to be unloved ,unwanted and not cared for.
Good luck with it all and I hope your partner supports you.

[annie0000]

I agree ganesh, despite what the press would have us believe, i know a lot of kids brought up in one parent households who are well loved and behaved and a credit to their parent. I hope that katy's partner decides to support her, but this sounds like a well wanted baby by his or her mother.

And katy - you cant feel guilty about your other child - although i guess that most parents (me included) always feel a bit guilty about diverting attention from our firstborn to our second!

This might be an opportunity for you to stengthen the relationship with your older child as he becomes a big brother and you have time off with the baby.

[rachael88]

i dont think you should get an abortion, if you dont want the baby i think you should give it away when it is born as there is so many people who cant have kids but are desparite to have them
but it is up to you really .
rachael xxxxx

[onlyme26]

god after reading this i feel so sorry for you katy!!!

(these comments are NOT directed at you katy)

you people wanna be ashamed of yourselves!!!

she came on here for advice NOT ABUSE!!!

never heard the saying " if you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all!!!!"

all those comments about "the father has a right too etc"
fair enough that is true

and all the comments about "single mums"

and paying maintenance.... ERM TAKES 2 TO TANGO!!! you dont want a child???? USE PROTECTION!!! you dont wanna be lumbered with maintenance??? USE PROTECTION!!

all the male comments on here seem to suggest its all her fault!!!! well im sure she didnt get pregnant all by her self!!!!!

FOR YOUR INFORMATION....

if you are unmarried and get pregnant, the woman decides to keep it but the man doesnt want it, as long as his name isnt on the birth certificate, he has no legal rights and therefor doesnt have to pay maintenance, the woman can not put a mans name on the certificate unless they are married!!

katy... sorry for the rant, i do feel for you and after my little rant the only thing i can say, is likes others... the decision has to be your own, you obviously have to take into consideration your partners feelings and wishes and also those of your son, but when it comes down to the crunch you have to decide whats best for you. all the best xxxxxx

[rachael88]

onlyme26
u r right i did not mean it like that it is just that i me and my lad want kids but i cant have them.


sorry katty that the last aunswer sounded meen it didnt mean to seem that way xxxx

[rachael88]

ganesh u r a ****
and u r going to go lonely
ya sound like a sexist