Do I keep my baby?

[katy77]

I am coming up to 12 weeks pregnant and in a real situation.... I have a child already who currently lives with his father and is 4 this month. I amwith someone else currenlty not yet divorced but we have been seperated for2.5 years and I have been with my current partner for 2 years. When I fell pregnant we were not going to keep the baby but when I went to have an abortion at 7 weeks I couldnt do it. I have had terrible morning sickness by body has changed and my partner still talks about when we are going to have the appointement again. I understnd his point in regards to the situation and he says if it wa different he would love a baby. I dont know what to do because I dont wasnt my child of 4 to feel left out and replaced wither. Please help....!

[redcrx]

no-one can answer this for you.

the decision is yours.

dont feel pressured either way.

and dont leave it too long to decide.

[ganesh]

If you couldn't go through with it then, then it sounds like you have made the decision already.
How come your fist child lives with his father?
Only you can decide but if your partner doesn't want it and it is going to make life difficult for everyone then maybe you should terminate it. Children should be wanted and brought into a loving environment.
Please hurry though,the thought of abortion is scary and it's growing all the time.

[katy77]

I realise that....After having my last child I took a job to help support the family working unsocialble hours. When we parted I had done well in my job and he has family that help him and I didnt. At the time as a short term solution it was right for my child to go to his father. I now live with my current partner and feel that if I had a baby my child would be more part of my life as right now me and my partner live a very selfish life. I feel so helpless, emotional and down about it all at the moment I just dont know what to do...

[ganesh]

You sound like a sensible woman who selflessly wants to do the best for her family. If you are happy with your partner and you think your relationship will last then he has to be listened to. You cannot have a baby that he really doesn't want if you plan to stay together.I feel so sorry for you and glad that my kids were planned and loved. But, like you, I also hate the thought of abortion,and it is YOUR baby,so only you can make this decision.You need to really talk to your partner about it more and see if he will stick by you should you decide to keep it.

[katy77]

Thank you Ganesh... I appreciate your answer and will have the conversation later tonight. I hope he would like the baby because I want to be excited like I was with my first baby and think it would help bring my child more into our life because our values would change.

[pinkkitty]

Katy, i really feel for you as you're obviously in a bit of a predicament right now. and it may sound like stating the obvious but as red says, don't do this for anyone except yourelf. Obviously your current partner has a right to decide if he wants to be a father, but he doesn't have a claim over your body and he shouldn't pressure you to book an appointment if you feel you can't go through with it. Once it's done there is no going back, and if you start to feel like you only went through it to appease your partner you'll only end up resenting him in the end.

good luck!!

[Nosha123]

I understand the last comment regarding resentment if she is 'forced' to abort - but you should also think about the father here - he has said he doesn't want the baby.. so would he not feel resentment if she ignores his wishes??? He does have a right too.. after all - if she has it and they break up he will be forced to pay maintenance for the next 18 years for a kid he didnt want! It HAS to be a joint decision.... and harsh as it may sound.. so should contraception!

[tigwig]

I don't think this is anything to do with your partner with all due respect. I know you are together but it is your body and only you can decide if you can go through with the abortion and as you have changed your mind once it doesn't sound like you want to. Can I ask why your 4yr old doesn't live with you?
Don't let the fact that your other child lives with her dad be a decision in having a baby. If the roles were reversed and it was dad having another child with his new partner then it wouldn't be a problem would it?
Just follow your heart and don't be pressurised by anyone to make the wrong decision. You would regret it for the rest of your life. Maybe you can get some counselling and expert advice? Whatever you decide take care xxx.

[ganesh]

She already answered that Tigwig ,and I disagree,fathers do have a few rights,after all,she has the decision, but as nosha says,he'll be paying maintenance.

[Abdulmajid]

My two'penneth.

I am ultimately anti-abortion as a cop out but very much pro-choice with regards to your rights. That may contradict my view but as a mild Christian I do not believe a baby is a baby until it pops out crying.

The pictures from within the womb printed in the press recently showing fetuses before 24 years sucking thumbs and smiling were mere propaganda from the PRO-LIFE brigade, so I wouldn't let they play on your conscience.

As said, it is your choice. It is your decison and you muct never be bullied or pressurized from the male. If he is that concerned he should have worn a French Letter, simple as that.

I hope you make the right decision FOR YOU, and bless your heart during this emotive time.

[Nosha123]

I beg to differ.. since it wasn't donated sperm but her long term partners sperm that fertilised her egg - so he has indeed played some part in this and so should have his opinion heard! Too many women/girls get pregnant and then split up from the father as the baby was not necessarily properly thought or planned and then they end up on benefits with taxpayers picking up the bill. I have not got children as my partner and I have decided we cannot afford one and now is not the right time for kids. This is a joint decision.
He has a right!
Can I ask Katy - why does your 4yr old not live with you?
Dont feel obliged to answer - since it is your private life!!! But I would imagine that people here are wondering why you want another baby when you dont have your first one with you now....

[ganesh]

Another one,don't people read through the thread? She explained that already!!

[Nosha123]

well we have had it explained why the fist boy wasn't with her to start with but not why still he is with the father 2.5 years later... I thought th thread said it was a short term solution being with the father due to work commitments.. 2.5 years is hardly short term for your child not to be with you

[Drisgirl]

Katy -IMO -the title of the thread says it all- 'my baby' -leapt out at me.

It wasnt a thread entitled 'Should I have a termination?'

I think you have already made your mind up personally xxx

Good Luck with whatever choice you make.

[ganesh]

Very true...apologies Nosha,I suppose that is a long time especially for a young child.

[Belliot]

All these women who are claiming its 'YOUR CHOICE' and its 'YOUR BODY' are either stupid or adding to the single mums brigade! It is a choice which needs to be made by both of you.. and if the man who clearly does not want the baby then you need to think twice as that to me is the worst way to be bought into the world - lacking stability is one thing... but to be unwanted by your father is another! Make the right choice and get a more stable life and partner first! DON'T become... 'one of them' by the influence of all these 'bra burning' women!

[Nosha123]

Katy77 please dont take my comments too harshly.. and I realise you do feel down about this all already - so I dont want to make you feel any worse - but I think that if you force your partner into something he is not ready for you may force him out of your life and end up on your own bringing up a kid on your own. You both need to talk and be honest with each other - maybe in time he can be talked around - but if he is not ready - he is just not ready.
Yes he may turn around and completely change his mind once the baby is here and he may be the perfect doting new father.. but he also might not. And there is nothing quite like adding a baby to the mix to put even the strongest relationship to the test!!
Please consider ALL people involved and not just what you want - if your relationship is important to you that is.... if he is not that important to you and you can go it alone then thats another thing all together!

[ganesh]

Belliot- I find your answer rather offensive so I'm sure the single mum 'brigade' and the 'bra-burning' women out there will do too!
And just to join you in your old-fashioned sayings,ultimately it is the woman who ends up 'holding the baby' and despite father's rights (which I actually agree with you should be considered ) it IS the womens choice as they are often left to go it alone.

[Nosha123]

Hey girlies.. we all know its a MANS world out there! We were born into it like this.... No we can't have it all... but we bleat about having equal rights and then dis-regard a guys opinion on whether he wants a family or not (whoops too late I'm pregnant!).

[Belliot]

ganesh - believe it or not, I am actually young (with old fashioned and moral views). To say its just her decision is stupid and naive! Men have a choice and a lot of women ruin mens lives by having unwanted babies...!

If you think its the women who are left alone... go and find a better class of man!