I want a baby but my partner is married

[Nippa]

I've been with my partner for a while now in a lesbian relationship, but she is still married to the father of her 3 kids. This wasnt a problem for me previously as I understood there was nothing between them. I have decided I really want a baby - she does too. However, I told her that I couldnt go ahead with it while she was still married - it just wouldnt feel right for me. My partner said I was being silly and there are no more legal rights for me or our would-be baby whether she was divorced or not. This is not just about legal rights - it would just feel wrong to have a baby with someone who was married already. I know I should have thought about this in the earlier days but I never thought I'd ever want kids and now its all I can think about. I love her so much and wouldnt ever want to be without her but this is getting me down so much and I dont know what to do

[sara3]

I don't think the baby is the biggest issue here, I think it's the fact that she's still married and doesn't get that it upsets you.

does she still live with her partner? why don't they get divorced?

[sara3]

sorry, husband.

[society]

I am confused

[cazzz1975]

what a mess to bring a child into...

[Canary42]

She's just using you - find a more suitable partner who really cares about you, one not wrapped up in her own life using you as a bit on the side.

[jackthehat]

How long have you been in a relationship with her ?
Did she leave the marriage to be with you ?

[dothawkes31]

You're the 'other woman' live with it

[marval]

Now is certainly not the time to have a baby, they need to be born into a loving relationship. The situation is not right to bring a baby into.

[yogi-bear]

Sorry if this sounds insensitive, Nippa, what with the current predicament and all,............

but just wonderin' if it would be OK to watch?

[grasscarp]

She already has three children, so why would she want another "with you". If you had the baby it would be about you and a sperm donor and if she had it it would be as little to do with you as her three existing children.

[dothawkes31]

can anyone clarify whether lesbians actually have a maternal instinct?

[bobjugs12]

Yogi. You said what I was thinking :)

[sara3]

Dot, she's still a woman!

yogi, pack it in!

[jackthehat]

Fancying other women doesn't nullify any maternal drives or instincts, Dot.

[dothawkes31]

I would have thought it did.

[jackthehat]

Well, you thought wrong, I'm afraid................

[cherrychapstick]

bob you are just as bad as yogi ,behave the pair of you!

[dothawkes31]

How does it work in a relationship if both women have a maternal instinct? Is that different from being pregnant cos it felt the same to me, if they had never had children before they started their relationship, how would they decide which of them was the childbearer? or would it be for the best for them both to have a child?