bednobs update - not good news i'm afraid

[bednobs]

hi all, just posting to let you all know how i am doing as some of you have been very kind to ask i think it will be quite helpful to me to write down wahts in my mind anyway.
Unfortunately, when i went for my obs appointment this week, thye found that the baby has not grown enough since the last scan. This is owing to placental insufficiency -the placenta is not giving the baby all it needs. The only rememdy is to deliver, but the baby is too small to survive (showing at 22.5 weeks, despite me being 26 weeks) and it is only 1lb.
This is really too awful to even write down, but i now just have to wait for the baby to die and then deliver. I have to have another scan next week, or if i stop feeling movemenents before then, ring up and go in to be induced. There are so many things going through my head, yet i know there is worse to come. I have an overwhelming feeling of having let everyone down. This baby was so wanted and i couldn't even look after it. I am 36 now and probably wont have another chance, even if i did want to try. I just have sat at home for the last few days, watching dvd's and surfing because as soon as i stop i start to think, about what labour will be like, about silly things like funerals, registering a birth and death on the same day, whether you can even get a dead baby christened, things i can't say out loud, wondering if i want to go on, all the while both dreading and anticipating any movements because each one is like a knife in the heart
I know this is heavy stuff for what is essentially a frothy website, and i'm sorry, i just need to get it out

[China Doll]

You haven't let anyone down bednobs, I know me saying that won't help but it's not your fault your body might not be able to do this. He loves you, together you created something beautiful and it sounds like that's what he cares about the most, that you did this and are going through this together and the fact that you even had this chance. Because you physically carry the baby then I guess that must make you feel responsible but you're really not.

I don't know what to say, I know my saying all of that ^^^ won't really make much indent on how you're feeling right now, how could it.... If I was religious I would say a prayer for you, as I'm not, I will just send you my best wishes.

[LoftyLottie]

Bednobs. I missed your post somehow, but am so, so sorry. Please do not be so hard on yourself, you have not let anybody down, nothing is your fault. I can't say any more than others have said. This is so awful for for both of you. Hug each other lots.

xxxxx

[jno]

you haven't let him down, or anyone. This is just a natural process over which you have no control. Neither you nor your husband knows what will happen next, but he is telling you he will make the most of whatever it is; he sounds gentle and loving. This is an awful time for you, but don't reject his love, he is there for you.

[4getmenot]

You havent let anyone down, it just wasnt your daughters time to be on earth yet. what Mr Bednobs said about just getting to hold her is beautiful xxxx

[boxtops]

Bednobs, dear bednobs, please don't blame yourself for this. It may have been something wrong all along - we cannot say enough to you, this is not your fault. The time may not be right, that may be all that it is - and if it is, we will be here for you. They are giving your three options at least, there is marginal hope, and I am sure Mr Bednobs is being optimistic for your sake too, he must be feeling really helpless as you do. I've never been in your situation but I've miscarried at 8 weeks and I know how the then mr box felt - completely useless. He will be there for you - he sounds a good man.

[evedawn]

Bedknobs ... words cannot begin to say how sorry we all are for you...thoughts, and prayers are with you. Nothing we can say will ease your pain but please know we all are thinking of you...X

[zzxxee]

bednobs you havent let anybody down you really must not blame yourself x
its an awful thing that you are having to go throughx talk to slooow-jo she seems to have the best advice about what your going through she is a lovely person to get advice from ive had a few late night chats with her .
My best wishes for your time aheadxxx

[redcrx]

as others have said, bednobs, you are not letting anyone down here. What is happening is not your fault.
It does sound as if the doctors are preparing to fight to do all they can for baby, the steroids will be to strengthen her lungs in readiness for an early arrival and to give her the best possible chance.
youre a week further ahead and baby is still fighting, am sending you both my best wishes and hope that the next scan shows growth x

[Canary42]

You're going through a terrible experience bednobs - please don't make it worse by beating yourself up - you have absolutely NOTHING to reproach yourself for.

[bednobs]

thank you all, today is just a very bad day

[B00]

Still thinking of you bednobs xxxxx

[marval]

You are going through a very bad time, but it is not your fault. This happened to someone I know, they lost the baby, but she then went on to have a healthy baby later. I wish all the best for you, take care.xx

[rowanwitch]

Bedknobs....all that has happened is a natural process has failed...not you...its horrible, its unfair and its the worst possible thing...but it is not your fault.. It's nature...nothing more...and all I can say is i hope you get the supportive care you need. to get through this.. My heart goes out to you... all I can do is wish guidance for those caring for you, and hope for a difficult journey.....but you do not make it alone...
Rowan.....

[trish1234567]

Dear Bedknobs, don’t feel alone at this sad time in your life and please, please stop blaming yourself. Besides Mr B. and your own family and friends, you have all of us - we all your friends and we’re not a bad lot! You, Mr B and your little one are in our thoughts and we are all routing for you. You will find hidden strength when the comes and you and your partner will know how to deal with it in your own way. God Bless.

[divegirl]

I have to agree with redcrx here. Your little one is holding on a week later and if she's anything like her Mum, she's a true fighter. Don't give up hope yet honey.
Thinking of you all.
Lisa xxx

[tastymorsel]

God bless you and your baby bednobs.Please keep us informed we are all rooting for you.Try to be positive and will your little one to live.We don't yet know the power of the human mind.Hang on in there.

[askyourgran]

I am so sorry to hear about this bedknobs, I lost three babies, (early miscarriages) before I went on to have my daughter. Nine years later I became pregnant with a son but had to have a hysterectomy at four months because of fibroids. I was devastated then because I couldn't have any more. I have to look at this as part of life's cycle. You have time yet. Good luck.

[Slooow_Jo]

So how many weeks is baby measuring now bednobs?

Have they mentioned trying a low dose of aspirin? If not contact your consultant apparently it can help the placenta by thinning the blood.

Please keep us informed x & if you ever need/want to chat privately let me know & I'll find a way to get my e-mail address to you.

[Mamyalynne]

Jo I think you are just the right person to offer support to Bednobs and she is sure to have lots to ask you.

Bednobs, keep strong just as your darling baby is trying to♥