bednobs update - not good news i'm afraid

[bednobs]

hi all, just posting to let you all know how i am doing as some of you have been very kind to ask i think it will be quite helpful to me to write down wahts in my mind anyway.
Unfortunately, when i went for my obs appointment this week, thye found that the baby has not grown enough since the last scan. This is owing to placental insufficiency -the placenta is not giving the baby all it needs. The only rememdy is to deliver, but the baby is too small to survive (showing at 22.5 weeks, despite me being 26 weeks) and it is only 1lb.
This is really too awful to even write down, but i now just have to wait for the baby to die and then deliver. I have to have another scan next week, or if i stop feeling movemenents before then, ring up and go in to be induced. There are so many things going through my head, yet i know there is worse to come. I have an overwhelming feeling of having let everyone down. This baby was so wanted and i couldn't even look after it. I am 36 now and probably wont have another chance, even if i did want to try. I just have sat at home for the last few days, watching dvd's and surfing because as soon as i stop i start to think, about what labour will be like, about silly things like funerals, registering a birth and death on the same day, whether you can even get a dead baby christened, things i can't say out loud, wondering if i want to go on, all the while both dreading and anticipating any movements because each one is like a knife in the heart
I know this is heavy stuff for what is essentially a frothy website, and i'm sorry, i just need to get it out

[4getmenot]

when my mate lost hers she had photos taken and has a little keepsake box, I looked through the box with her one day and saw the identity bracelet and said 'oh my god thats so tiny, thinking it was on babys wrist as about an inch wide and my friend said 'no that was round her belly' :-(

[jno]

bednobs, that is so sad - I can't say anything helpful, but you are being very brave. I wish you all the best.

[bednobs]

you are all being more helpful than you know, thank youi

[B00]

Well you know where we are bednobs if you need to vent.

When something like this happens to you or within your family, you realise it's more common than you think, its just people dont like to talk about it.

We're here- whenever you need to talk xxxx

[China Doll]

Thank you for keeping us updated during a hard time. Your daughter had a beautiful name. I wish there was something more adequate I could say. And keep talking to everyone here as much as you want, it's better than it keeping it in.

[bednobs]

we are going to start arranging the funeral with the hospital. It will be just the 3 of us i think

[pussnboots]

I have only just read of your very sad loss,you have been through a terrible time and I feel so very sorry. I to have been through a birth and death of a baby at the same time and know how it feels, it's devastating. My thoughts are with you and your family. xx

[Eve]

Oh bednobs, I just can't imagine and my heart could break for you.

I will be thinking of you and your partner and the offer is, of course there, if you want someone else to e.mail to let things out or whatever you need.

I don't have an incognito address but B00, China or Ummmm could put you in contact with me if you want if that's ok with them as I'm more than happy for them to be able to pass on my name/contact details xxx

[B00]

Ya know bednobs? That's probably the best way. It's kept between you.

My daughter arranged a funeral, against most peoples wishes, for her twin boys, and it was heartbreaking for everyone else who came, especially the more elderly relatives.

I personally would have preferred her to have a private ceremony at the hospital, thus keeping a bit of dignity.

[daftgrandad]

My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you and Mr b,at this truly difficult time.
May I say,you have my deepest admiration,for posting your account,of what must be
a truly traumatic experience.
With kindest regards to you both dg

[Mamyalynne]

bednobs, how brave and thoughtful of you to share this with us all, it is important that people know about these things, my heart breaks for you and I would love to put my arms around you. Remember to gaze upwards my love as she twinkles for you and indeed all of us.♥

[sara3]

bednobs, that is so sad.

my brother and his wife went through virtually the same thing last year, and they planted a tree in their garden for their daughter.

look after yourself xx

[pastafreak]

Bednobs,hun.....I have just read your account of what happened. Simple heartfelt words of what must have been such an emotional experience. I have no doubt that you will keep your little babe close to your heart forever. I sincerely hope the future treats you with kindness. x

[bednobs]

again thank you all

[ttfn]

The love you both have for Heather Elizabeth and which you have so tenderly and beautifully recorded here will be with you for ever ♥

[bednobs]

boo, can i ask you something? If your daughter had said she wanted to "exclude" you from a funeral service, would that have been ok?
i dont want to exclude my parents because they have also suffered a bereavement as grandparents, but at the same time it feels right for it just to be us. When mr b rang his mum to tell her she had been born, she said "i would like to see her" but he said "well you can't" and that's how i feel too! We are her parents and i don't want people looking at her. Plus, although she is beautiful to us, the stark fact is that she had been dead for probably 3 days when she was born, and she was so tiny, she dosen't look like "normal" chubby healthy babies. however, i don't want to deny them any of their feelings

[Greedyfly]

My thoughts are with you Bednobs x

[B00]

I'm being perfectly honest here Bednobs, id have much prefered it if we didn't have to go to a funeral, I'd have preferred to have been excluded.

In my mind, something like this is personal, very much so, and should be kept between you and your husband- something private and dignified.

Very much against our wishes, my daughter "dragged out" the heartbreak and spread it about amongst the rest of our family. Not sure if this sounds heartless, but i thought it was particularly unfeeling of her at the time to spread this grief about- is this making sense? I did however appreciate it was her way of coping, but still....id have preferred to grieve in private instead of in a church in a service.

[B00]

I was with my daughter bednobs when she had her boys, and again in all honestly whilst im glad i was there for her, i really wish I hadn't have seen them. Like you said ,they didn't look like the image you have of babies, and i'd have prefered not to have seen them the way i did.