3 and a Half Year Old Punched Other Children in Face

[mountainboo]

For the first time ever today my son punched my niece (of same age) and another little girl in the face whilst at a soft play centre. I immediately told him to apologise but I was so angry that I then I removed him and drove home. He sobbed from the play centre until we arrived home as obviously he didn't want to leave. I have to say that I was absolutely shocked by his behavior as we have instilled in him the importance of never hitting girls from an early age. Upon reflection I noticed from the moment we arrived that he was playing a lot more roughly than usual, particularly around the younger ones which is unlike him as he is usually gentle and curious about the younger children. I discovered that he was very tired so have put him down for a nap but I am really concerned that A. did I discipline him correctly and B. Is tiredness the only factor behind this behavior or do I need to look into this?

[fliptheswitch]

To be fair to mountainboo, I think the "especially not girls" comment is something most parents do with boys... don't they?

[firewatch]

yes ^ me and my sister got away with murder against my brother when were little cos he wouldnt retaliate lol

[LoftyLottie]

When my son was 3 his best friend was the girl next door, and she was more likely to bash him than he her ;o). I can't think I ever told him never to hit girls, just never to hit anybody.

[sherrardk]

I think that maybe you were a bit too hard on him (he is only three and a half). If one of mine had done that I would have removed them from playing (maybe going to the cafe or a quiet corner (if you could find one)) and telling them why it was wrong, making them apologise and then moving on. He is only young yet and its not like he does it all the time. I would also leave it now, he isn't going to remember in the morning what he did today. Going on about it isn't going to help - but obviously, this is just what I think.

[NOX]

This happens at that age occasionally and youhandled it perfectly well, but as Sherrard and a few other have pointed out don't labour the point, he's too little for that and besides you don't want to start dwelling on bad behaviour or it only increases. It's happened, you've dealt with it now leave it alone and don't panic, the best behaved littlies will occasionally have a swipe at someone, it's honestly not a big deal, just natural to kids that age whatever they have been taught, you just need to presistantly re-inforce that it's not okay.

[annie0000]

If I remember correctly, boys around 4ish get a wee extra dose of testosterone and can get a bit more aggressive. That is normal. I would chalk it up to experience and move on. He's been disciplined and if it happens again i'd just repeat the discipline until he gets the point.

[Ankou]

you did the right and correct thing.

all kids go through some form of behaviour like this - pinching, biting, hitting, scratching. its just the process of learning that these are not acceptable behaviours.

[joko]

one thing i have noticed some parents/grandparents do...which is well meaning and they think they are consoling and making the child feel better, but are actually teaching the child a very bad lesson...is to hit things if they hurt the child...such as the child falls off a swing...they say 'oh naughty swing, smack it' or if a ball hits them they say 'oh naughty ball, smack the ball' ... my parents did this with us and they do it with the grandkids... i pulled them up on it and it had never occurred to them ... but i saw my brother and sister do it do... and i mentioned it to other people i know and they said they have done it too

it is basically teahcing them to hit anything that doesnt agree with them or hurts them in someway, accidentally or not... and that that is how it is supposed to be dealt with...

i wonder if its something like this that either you, other parents or the staff do?

[tigwig]

Maybe you were strict but I dont think its a bad thing. Hopefully he wil earn his lesson and not repeat it again. Well done for following through with a punishment, I see kids hitting others all the time at soft play and too many times the parents either dont even know, dont care or dont bother to punish at all. My kids are always worse behaved (than usual lol) if they are tired so yes I would put it down to that and also the fact that he has seen other kids do it and was copying them because of how he felt. Dont worry about it anymore, it shouldnt become a habit if you continue to tell him its wrong.

[Kassee]

I think taking him straight home was the right thing to do. I would talk to him in a calm way, ask him why he did it (he may not know why, or he may have seen something on television etc or even a cartoon that he has watched) at least then you'll know where it has come from. Then I would explain to him, how horrible it was for the other children to be hurt like that, ask him how would he feel if they had done the same thing to him. He is not to young to think about what he has done, and to realize how bad he would feel if it had happened to him, and how the other children must feel.

Tell him he must be extra kind next time he sees them. then they will like him, and be his friend, and that its good to have friends to play with. Lots of chat, and encourage positive behaviour.

[welshlibranr]

you did the right thing, but he needs to understand that he can't hurt anyone!........he has probably seen this behaviour somewhere, but you need to make sure that he knows that this behaviour will not be tolerated!..