3 and a Half Year Old Punched Other Children in Face

[mountainboo]

For the first time ever today my son punched my niece (of same age) and another little girl in the face whilst at a soft play centre. I immediately told him to apologise but I was so angry that I then I removed him and drove home. He sobbed from the play centre until we arrived home as obviously he didn't want to leave. I have to say that I was absolutely shocked by his behavior as we have instilled in him the importance of never hitting girls from an early age. Upon reflection I noticed from the moment we arrived that he was playing a lot more roughly than usual, particularly around the younger ones which is unlike him as he is usually gentle and curious about the younger children. I discovered that he was very tired so have put him down for a nap but I am really concerned that A. did I discipline him correctly and B. Is tiredness the only factor behind this behavior or do I need to look into this?

[sara3]

not a direct answer, but I'd go with a "never hitting anyone" line, rather than just girls.

has he witnessed violence, in real life or on the tv?

[fliptheswitch]

I think if it's the first time it's happened, then you can't really look into it too much. Does he go to pre-school or anything? If so, maybe you could have a word with them and see if he's been showing signs of aggression there.
I definitely think you did the right thing by taking him home though.

[woofgang]

by "never hitting girls" I assume you mean "never hitting anybody"?

[mountainboo]

I will just confirm that we have always told him never to hit anyone, but maybe more emphasis have been on girls

[sara3]

I don't see why. it's not better or worse to hit any child.

[mountainboo]

He attends pre-school but they me he is never aggressive

[mountainboo]

In response to the incident today my exact words today were 'you must never punch anyone'.

[sallybb]

He has probably picked up the bad behaviour from another child a pre-school, they learn so easily from other children. Ask him if a child at pre-school has treated him in such a way. My daughter when at pre-school gave my mother a good hard pinch, this was picked up after she received one at pre-school.

[Chaffinch]

You did exactly the right thing. This is the first time he has done this, and has been punished for it. He will do many more things "wrong" over the next few years, as he is learning what he can and can't do, by removing him from the "play Centre", he has learned that he must behave whilst there or he goes home. I would'nt worry too much at this stage he's only 3.

[chelle7272]

Agree I think you handled it well.

Has he been around other children who are more boisterous than he usually is? He could have picked it up from them.
It is possible it's just down to tiredness, and he has been disciplined so I would play it by ear and see if the bahaviour occurs again before worrying too much.

[mountainboo]

Let me clarify. We have always placed great emphasis on never being violent towards anybody. He has always been close to his cousin and that maybe where we have tended to say never to hit girls

[scrummyyummy]

Mountain, you did your best to make him realise he had done wrong. After all, you told him to apologise and then you removed him from the place he enjoys playing in. He is only 3 and he'll hopefully realise he did wrong. When he wakes up, you could have a chat to him about not hitting and explain that it's not a nice way of behaving. I think you handled it very well, not all parents would have disciplined.

[mountainboo]

Thank you all. That helps

[sara3]

I think you did the right thing taking him away from the situation, and would probably go for another soft punishment today (taking away a toy, or missing a snack or tv programme) as a reminder. give him the "it's wrong to hurt anyone, we wouldn't like it if it happened to us or someone we cared about" routine.

hopefully that will be the end of it.

[ummmm]

Kids hit. It will always happen. He will learn from consistent discipline.

I must admit as well....I've always put more emphasis on not hitting girls.

[firewatch]

you handled it fine-you removed him from the situation, and punished him adequatley by taking him home. As it seems to be the first time, try not to draw attention to it or dwell on it. My little one becomes incredibly violent when shes tired, and shes the most loving and caring child all the rest of the time, its our big que she needs sleep. She has a friend whos 4 (shes nearly 2) and he is VERY VERY rough, and it appears to be stemming from the behaviour of other children in his school and hes asserting his dominance. you have done fab hun so dont stress to much, once hes awake have a talk to him about what happened and ask him why he was like he was but if he cant answer dont panic to muchx

[Old_Geezer]

When I was a kid I used to think it unfair that girls could hit me yet I couldn't retatliate. But it prepared me for the understanding that in society us nasty horrible boys got a raw deal whilst the pretty saintly girls got away with so much. Slugs & snails and puppy dog tails.

[razza]

Yes you handled it perfectly,but dont be too hard on him unless it happens again.