Coping with Children & being away from family

[muchlovex]

Are there any other peoplle on here who have children, but live far away from friends and family?

I just want to know how you manage?

I live 400 miles away from friends and family and don't know anyone in the area.

[sara3]

I live close enough to my completely unsupportive family, so that's maybe similar.

how old are your children?

[joggybear]

All I can suggest is to look at noticeboard at your gp surgery, there are often mother and child groups or mum only cofee mornings at ours. it would be a start. Hope you find something, and have more friendly start to new year.

[boxtops]

It's an interesting question. Whether or not you live near to your family, our family has always held the view that the children would be our responsibility and that we wouldn't expect support from family in rearing them or providing cover for the parents.

The concept of grandparents having to take on a second family whilst the parents worked (for instance) would never have occurred to my parents (nor would the need have arisen) - our family managed all babysitting etc with friends we made in our new locations.

I know things change, but the concept of the family helping out the individual parents so they can cope still seems strange to me. I don't know muchlovex's situation so I am not being critical, but I know families and friends who move around regularly, they make friends in their new location with like-minded parents and share baby-sitting duties etc. You do have to make the effort to get out and make friends with people (and I do speak from experience, my jobs have taken me over the country to places where I knew nobody at all - you have to work at it). Good luck with it!

[chrissa1]

In the early 80's we had to move to Northern Ireland. Our children were 2 and 6 then. We made friends with our neighbours and they introduced us to their friends.
We joined the local Country Club and socialised with my husband's work colleagues. It was strange at first, but turned out to be a very happy 4 years until we came back home.

I don't know where you've moved to. We were lucky, in that the Northern Irish people are very kind and welcoming people. Good luck.

[annie0000]

yup, been there and done that. It's not easy at first, and it depends on the age of your kids, pre school then join in with any toddler groups on the go - especially i there are any near new estates which often have people in a similar situation to you. If they are school age, then it's a case of speaking to people at the school gate, joining in clubs, inviting their friends over and making friends with the parents you get on with.

I know for me, we had our kids so that we would take care of them and not expect family to help, but it's more that there is no -one else to go on a trip to the park with or just to pop in and see, that's what we missed. Also, you end up not going out at all as you don't know people you can trust to babysit. You get there eventually as there are more people in the same boat as yourself and you can share - often people are only too delighted to be asked, cos it means they have banked a favour and feel able to ask you back.

[daffy654]

I've always lived far from my family, I brought my girls up with no support from anyone until I met my fiancé. You cope because you have to.

[EDDIE51]

Do the kids go to school or playgroup ? If so it is a way to meet other parents when you take them /collect them from school.

[rockyracoon]

I feel it's a bit alien not to have support fom your family, growing up all my mums family helped, in turn, my mum would be disgusted if I asked someone else to babysit, she sees it as a pleasure, I look after my nephew when my brother needs me, we where brought up to believe that's what families are for, being there for each other, fortunately my OH's family are the same, but they live in Ireland so not too much help there. Muchlove you have no choice but to try to make new friends, all my friends work so I had to do the same thing, toddlers groups, coffee mornings yadda yadda.

[sherrardk]

We have never lived by our families and when we moved here we already had three children. It was hard to make friends (not that I have many of them but I know people to stop and talk to). I wish I had known people better when I had thing 1 and thing 2 as that was really hard going (the others were only 7, 4 and 2 at the time). I think you just have to talk to people at the school gates and try a couple of toddler groups, etc. Good luck with it all, x

[Kassee]

I think it is easy to make friends when you have children, at pre-school, mother and toddler groups, or at the school gate, because you all have things in common, your children.

They say it is easy to make friends with a dog too, and I have always had a dog, and I find this is true. Walking your dog each day in the park, you meet other people walking their dogs too. You get to know people, what time they take their walks, chat about their dogs, children etc etc.

I have never lived near my family, so they have never helped me at all. I was a single parent for many years too. Now my own children have grown up and I foster, I still make friends at the school, and at pre-school and toddlers with the children that I foster. I have never found it difficult to do.

[hannah40]

im an older mum i started my family late 40,s i have no family left to help me my friends judged me and said i shouldnt have had them at my age and one of my children has downs syndrome ,so it is just me and mt hubby a good child minder and a good special needs nursery.also baby sitters i use are from an agency i have to pay for them so we dont get out alot.I feel for you i also dont mix well being older so im usually at the school gates on my own.i absolutely love my kids and they keep me going but its so hard work.good luck to you .you will be in my thoughts

[Furthernorth]

I lived far away from family and I met friends at playgroup and a couple of us started a mother and toddler group as I had 3 children under 5 at the time. I developed friendships (so did my children) with folk who are still friends 30 years later. Took my children to swimming lessons, drama groups, brownies, scouts etc -all good ways to meet other parents. Good luck with finding new friends.

[Kassee]

Hannah40 - how can you feel different to other mothers - I think it is very hard to tell people's ages and mum's come in all different shapes and sizes. I am always surprised at people's ages, often people look young but aren't and vis versa. When you have children the same age in the same class, or at the same group, brownies, swimming lessons etc etc you just get chatting to other people and age really doesn't come into it at all.

I am 60, have an adopted daughter and foster young children, I have a young outlook on life, and have friends at the school gate, at mothers and toddlers groups, and pre-school, often people I meet are grandparents, or childminders, or parents. Age - I never think about it. I really think this is your issue and not other people's.

[hannah40]

kasee im quite a shy person so im not one to make consevation at school gates i lack confidence which i guess yes is my issue.i never once said in my post it was anyone elses issue i was offering empathy to muchlove.

[sherrardk]

I am one of the older mothers in the playground (it's a small village so gossip/information flies around). I have been told by some of the other mothers that I am old enough to be their mum (although they don't realise at first how old I am). Also, some schools have very cliquey groups so it depends where you are really. I think it's just important to feel comfortable and if you are already in the area it can be difficult to start chatting if you haven't previously. Good luck to all of you (I could do with more friends/acquaintances, so let me know if you are in the Hereford area!). x

[annie0000]

What about joining one of the on-line parenting forums (mumsnet??) or something - I think they often have local groups that choose to meet up - it might be a way of getting to know people on line a bit before having to speak to them in person? This goes for all those on this post that seem to be in a similar boat.