Kids!!

[Smowball]

My daughter rents a house with her bf - they got into big money problems when she had her work hours cut in half. She was in such a state that we worked out what she would need to get them back on their feet and GAVE, not lent, them £1000. All very happ and grateful.She then gets new job 2 wks later. She has just this sec txt me to say they are in deep financial doo doo and cant afford to stay in the house! Me being slightly stunned have tt back to say what about the money we gave them?? Got reply saying they would have just been in an even worse state and she doesnt know what to do! There is no way I giving her anymore money and am pretty angry tbh, but I just know she is waiting for a txt back offering more help.She is 23 btw. ( ps i know they could go any live with his parents to save up as they have a massive house, but they dont want to do that)

[B00]

Food vouchers? Can you buy those?

[rowanwitch]

old circus proverb.... when the safety net is removed you try extra hard not to fall...

[TOWIE]

Its a tough one, Smowball - as a parent you naturally don't want to see your children in trouble and would automatically help them, but not spending the £1,000 you gave them to clear their debts is really annoying.

If they don't want to live with the in-laws then they will have to downsize to a smaller property.

My next door neighbours are in their late 70's and have always bailed their daughter out. Though she never seems to sort herself out (she is 50ish). They have now put their property on the market to move and give her some money from the proceeds to use as a deposit. I feel sorry for them, as it will all end in tears. (:o(

[Smowball]

It is difficult, but I guess if i keep bailing her out(which I cant!) then she will never learn where she is going wrong.

[missprim]

Perhaps not called food vouchers Boo but gift cards or money cards (not sure what they're called) from the supermarkets.

[Ric.ror]

I like that proverb Rowan

[rowanwitch]

one of those things that you hear and it sticks in your mind

[tenrec]

Agree with all that has been said. It is a tough lesson to learn for those youngsters. They are adults. They have the option of moving in with the in laws. So they will survive.

[Smowball]

Yep,at least they have an option dont they.

[Nosha123]

I would let her make her own mistakes... if you bail her out every time... she'll just keep on coming and will never learn!
Why did she get a kitten if they cant afford to pay the bills? What happens if it needs any expensive treatment?
She is young... and she needs to learn this harsh life lesson sooner rather than later really.. for her own benefit!
She'll thank you for it in years to come!!!

[tillyh345]

Smoball you are a lovely mum to have helped them out the first time. Dont feel guilty, myself and my husband have never had any money or help from anyone neithave my siblings, we lost our mum when I was 18 and my siblings were all younger. Stepdad basically kicked us out and we have all fended fo ourselves. We now all own our own homes. My eldest son is useless with money and over the years we have bailed him out and never really had any of the money back..My youngest has never asked for a penny. We all want our children to be happy but they have to help themselves. xx

[craft1948]

I can honestly say that apart from when the daughter was a student, and I made her take some money, she has never asked for financial help. She knew the offer was there but when she was struggling to buy her first home she took on a bar job, as well as her full-time one to help her through her problems. I have immense respect for her belief that she can and should manage on her own.

[bednobs]

it sounds like perhaps you underestimated when you worked out what they needed before. they might well have spent the 1000 on debts, but still have more debts or if the partners not working, just got in the same position this month

[annie0000]

One of the most important life lessons you can teach your kids is how to manage their money - if you haven't done that so far then i suggest now is the time to start :o) She's 23, now an adult - they need to learn to live within their means without you bailing them out. If she'd done that, then the £1000 you handed them would have been a wonderful gift that would maybe have bought them a holiday or something, instead it has been chucked away paying off debts.

That may sound harsh, and isn't a dig at you smo, but if she doesn't learn now, you will be handing out money for years, what if they have kids or something!!??? Can you really afford to support them all??

[flump1]

Smowball, don't lend any more money to them right now. It would appear the money that you have already lent has gone so quickly . It is hard when it is your kids of course but they have to learn to cope alone, and they will, whether you help them again or not. Give them the chance to work out their difficulties giving them advice if requested. I am getting the feeling that your daughter did not appreciate the gift of money you made recently. Keep your money until the risk of county court judgements are threatening, then , just maybe, think about loaning her some money. And don't feel bad about it, she is adult now ! xx

[Smowball]

You lot are so lovely : ) I didnt say that when I did inherit my mums money I gave them all £1000 each and also £1000 each for a holiday. \none of them ever appeared to go on holiday

[islasmum]

Maybe you could point out to your daughter that if they are having troubles paying the essentials, such as utlities that they can phone the company concerned and many of the companies will set up a payment plan with you, but from what you have said it sounds as if they are spending too much on luxuries. I certainly wouldn't lend them any more - if my friend ever borrowed anything off her parents, it was always paid back with interest - my parents were a little morre lenient with me. No wonder you are having nightmares!

[Smowball]

lol I know. Am not lending her anymore, but mums always feel guilty dont they!

[Suetheramble]

When I was 18 I got in financial trouble but parents had just got divorce so I didn't even tell them - it would have meant worrying them and they couldn't help anyway. I am now 56 and have had no financial trouble since it was the best lesson I have had in life I took on a paper round and did anything that legally paid. Ten years later I got a mortgage and paid that off early . In short let her learn a lesson and she must get out of this mess herself. You could help her by given financial advice but sounds to me she is simply living beyond her means.

[cupid04]

A friend of mine paid her daughter's bills direct, that way their daughter
wasn't able to fritter the money on unimportant things.