Working Mother V Stay At Home Dad

[BeaverDiva]

i work; he stays home with baby. Plan, as far as i have always thought, is that he would stay home until baby in nursery, at which stage we would look into other child care alternatives and husband would go back to work. i've always hated being the one that had to go to work, but finances dictated. Nursery should be starting in next 6 months or so. Lately my hate of leaving baby at home has been getting worse, and we had a little luck with our mortgage payments reducing quite a lot. So i had a brainwave and decided to look into reducing my hours so that i could work 4 days a week instead of 5 until baby in full time school, which i thought would even out the work/baby ratio a bit more, and also would mean that, when husband starts work, there's one less day to worry about child care (at least until baby in full time school). Husband doesn't seem to like the idea at all, mentioned the fact that it will be less money, the fact that work may expect me to work just as hard just in less days (my problem not his) and was generally just really negative about the whole idea. I was really feeling positive about taking a step towards spending more time with the baby until I spoke with him about it. Just think i need a little rant but would love to hear from anyone in a similar situation, either mother or father, who can perhaps explain why he feels so negative about the whole idea.

[pixie373]

Is he just worried about going back to work? It sounds a great idea to me - for all of you

[ummmm]

How good is he as a stay at home dad?

Some people just hate their routines interrupted.

[Suetheramble]

I stopped working when I had my child and never regretted it in fact I wondered what the hell I did with my salary now I have a lower paid job; you cut your cloth accordingly.

[happyone2]

What seem to shout out from your posting - is your resentment that you are the bread winner when perhaps you feel he should be...... do you feel that he has the easier option, or that he is with the baby and you aren't.............. whatever the reason, it screams of unfairness you feel.......

Without knowing your personal circumstances, I wonder If you could have considered managing on his wages even if they would have been lower than yours...........or could you both have worked part time and managed.

I wondered how much of a discussion did you have together about the various alternatives............... before it was agreed that you worked full time and he became a house husband

Also has it changed I wonder , what you feel about him as a friend, husband, lover and life partner................

There are so many questions I would love to ask !!!

About earning power ? Income needs ? confidence - ie as he lost his.?

One comment you make " ......work may expect me to work just as hard just in less day MY PROBLEM NOT HIS" ......I find this comment full of barely hidden anger..........because of course it is not just your problem, not if you became more stressed by having to work harder and that came home, he might if you looked at it without anger ..............be worried about that, perhaps he can sense your dissatisfaction but not know how to solve it.............. a little weak perhaps but perhaps being at home as made him loose his sense of self ....a charge a lot of stay at home mums mention also.

Perhaps you both need a few Relate sessions to enable you to talk to each other ???

Good luck xx