Should I Try To Help My Daughters Relationship

[Black Noir]

I have been divorced for over 10 years now, it was verbally agreed at the time we would share access to our 2 daughters now 16 & 14.
They have never liked spending time at his house, the step mother ignores them and enjoys critising them and putting them down.
At the beginning of the year they decided they wanted to spend more time with me and just see their Dad every other weekend, after a barage of verbal blackmail from him and many tears from the girls he agreed to this.
(We have not got a court order and I understand that the are old enough to now decide for themselves)
A few weeks ago things soured again and they ended up coming back home to me on his weekend, a long story but they have basically been sleeping on the floor for 8 months whilst he decorates their bedroom, and he does not like them seeing friends whilst at his house etc.
It is his turn to have the girls this weekend but has made no effort to contact or speak to them since this happened on 10th August !
Should I try and help patch things up between them or leave well alone and let maters take their course ?

[woofgang]

What do your girls want you to do?

[Black Noir]

Hi Woofgang, they dont see to give a monkeys (apart from not seeing their half sister)

[maggiebee]

So they've been sleeping on his floor for 8 months?? Just how long does it take to decorate a bedroom? Think your girls are old enough to make up their own minds where they want to be. Could they still meet their half sister but at another location. Your X sounds quite controlling IMO.

[anneasquith]

sad situation for your girls, but id say let them decide, and support them in their decision.

[Black Noir]

He is very controlling and has already told them previously that if they dont want to go round they will have to tell their sister personally that they dont want to see her anymore. She is only 6 so is unlikely he will let them meet.
It is sad but he is still their Dad.
Thanks Maggie/Anne x

[woofgang]

well they don't have to tell their half sister anything and IMO that is blackmail of the worst kind.

[Eve]

I thought maybe friends weren't allowed on his weekends as he didn't want to detract from his time with them as he has limited access but that kind of emotional blackmail is unforgiveable!

Could you not intervene as a parent to question why they are sleeping on the floor and have been for so long?

[Black Noir]

He has already made it clear what he does at his house on his weekends is none of my business, hence my reluctance to try and interfere. The girls are suppose to be going back there tonight but have still not heard anything from him, so are just coming back home to me as normal..I guess if he assumes they will turn up as if nothing has happened I will probably hear tonight !
It is a shame as I always promised myself that our split would not effect their relationship with their Dad, but it is a bit out of my hands now

[anneasquith]

it is out of your hands I agree, but do your girls actually want to spend time with their father ? as I said you can only support their decision.

[Black Noir]

Well the weekend came and went still no word from him !
I am on good terms with his sister and parents so we have made plans for a get together so the girls can see the rest of the family, they seem to be unaware that anything has happened.
The girls arent bothered about seeing him Anne so we have decided to leave things and if they havent heard anything by their sisters birthday in Oct they are going to text him with a view to popping in to see her with presents etc