Hi All S

[catcuddler]

Hi all.Sorry if this seems a bit gabled but its still pretty raw so please bear with me

On Monday 9/12/13 my grandma sadly died of cancer.On tuesday (10/12/13)my fiance called off our engagement.We had a row which was basically him nagging me as he had an appointment on Thursday and he was insisting we had to stay at his mums(who he lived with before we met)the previous night because using public transport early Thursday morning would have made him late for the appointment

All I asked was that he give me time to take in what had happened and time to see if going Thursday morning was possible.When he asked why I said as I was grieving I'd prefer to be at home if possible(he lives with his brother too who I cant stomach)Upon this disagreement he started to pack his clothes and threatened to leave

I of course was horrified and said I could believe he'd leave when I needed him most as I was grieving.He proceeded to leave and I telephoned him and he agreed to come back and said he would call me back in 10 mins.Well 10 mins passed and nothing so I called him and he said he was going home after speaking to his mum

We proceeded to text and he said I was selfish and controlling which I wasn't aware I was and he refused to give me an audience.On Thursday I went to his flat to try and resolve things and refused to see me.I said fine if that's his view I want his engagement ring back.He agreed and then sent his brother out to scream and shout at me an demand my engagement ring back which I refused.I subsequently went home and he just texted it was over because I had changed

I of course am heartbroken and we have proceeded to exchange nasty texts which I know is childish but I am hurt.Also I forgot to mention he has my name in large letters tattooed on his arm

I guess my question is can anyone understand why he would do this?Call it off after one row.He said by text I was his soul mate but it wouldn't work

Also he owes me money and if he doesn't repay me I know of a way I can make life difficult for him resulting in criminal charges.Should I do this or is it vindictive?

Theres a lot more to the story but I have tried to be brief.I know its over for good but part of me wants to hurt him.All this following a family death and 2 weeks before Christmas has left me a wreck and convinced I'll be alone forever.I feel lost and like life has no meaning:(

Sorry for the long post and I hope it makes sense

Any advice or storie of a similar nature people have experienced ould help greatly

[catcuddler]

Sorry I have noticed there are a few spelling mistakes and some confusing bits.I apologise but its still so raw and I haven't eaten for 4 days x

[boxtops]

Your bloke sounds extremely selfish - and anyway, why did you have to go with him to stay overnight, it was his appointment?

BTW you don't have to give back the engagement ring - it was his gift to you. It's absolutely no business of his brother's.

You won't be alone for ever, this is just a bad bad time for you. He's very selfish not to let you mourn your gran.

Do you have anything in writing about the money he owes you? Don't do anything illegal, that would be stupid and in the end, would make you feel even worse, it's just vindictive.

[Maydup]

Sorry to hear your story cat; try your best to take time to rest, eat and reflect, but resist the anger and desire to retaliate.

Can you spend a day with a friend or a sibling tomorrow? Once you feel a little bit better and stronger, you can worry about the money but there is nothing to be gained by being vindictive right now except more heartache. Take care.

[Sqad]

\\\\\I guess my question is can anyone understand why he would do this?Call it off after one row.He said by text I was his soul mate but it wouldn't work \\

Because he feels that he cannot spend the rest of his life you.

There is never a good time to break off an engagement just that some times are better than others.

It often takes courage to end a relationship with a woman and although it has to be done, it is never easy.

\\\\\Also he owes me money and if he doesn't repay me I know of a way I can make life difficult for him resulting in criminal charges.Should I do this or is it vindictive? \\\\

Be vindictive, it will make you feel better.

Prepare yourself for "tough times"..........and he will need to prepare himself.

[catcuddler]

Thankyou both.I went to my mums last night and sobbed it out.I wont do anything bad or illegal but I know when and where he and his mum and brother will engage in criminal activity so I feel like reporting them and getting them raided.I am focusing on my 5 year old sister but its so hard because it makes no sense

[EcclesCake]

From what I can gather you both have some maturing to do and it is no bad thing that you do this independent of one another.

Do not seek revenge and retribution.

Move on and grow up.

[catcuddler]

Sqad I do see your point but the thing is it was our second ever major row and he had my name tattooed on him,it just baffles me.Why get my name tattooed if he was going to give up so easily?

[Sqad]

Simple......he loved you when he had your name tattooed on your arm................he doesn't now.

[catcuddler]

He said yesterday he still loves me and misses me and I'm his soul mate but I'm too controlling.It just baffles me
Thanks all for your comments

[Prudie]

I'm really sorry for the loss of your gran, you are having an awful time. As far as similar stories, there are some great men out there but lots of them are selfish to$$ers, I've certainly had a similar partner in the past. The tattoo bit is meaningless, most men declare undying love in the beginning, all you can do is grieve, draw on as much support as you can and try not to analyse an illogical problem. x

[Old_Geezer]

Second guessing other folk is not always easy. Did I miss where you said what ages you both were ?

In any event it presently looks you might be well rid of a relationship that could otherwise have turned sour later. Well off at any price. 'Soul mates', for want of a better phrase, consider each others needs not just their own.

It is a personal decision but I don't think I'd retain contact purely for the aim of getting money back. I suppose it depends on how much we are considering though.

On the other hand maybe the two of you will suddenly realise this is all foolish and sort it out. But if not, then it was not meant to be.

[Hopkirk]

You have had a lucky escape.

If you had married him, worse might have come your way.

Move on.

[catcuddler]

Old geezer I'm 30 he's 28.I know logically I'm better off out of it but my heart cant see that

[bert_h]

It sounds to me as though he's just jumped onto these recent events as an excuse to do something that he wanted to do, but couldn't work out just how to break it. So forget about the "he says I'm his soulmate" and all that rubbish. He has no reason to tell you the truth, and several different reasons to lie about it. Don't let the memory of him spoil the rest of your life.

[joko]

sorry but you do have to return the ring - it was not just a 'gift', it was given in contemplation of a marriage, it is a kind of engagement 'seal', and if you are not getting married then the ring is now his again.

any court will return the ring to him.

[joko]

regarding the getting him into trouble- give him chance to pay you back and if he wont then by all means go down the legal route and if it causes his trouble then so be it ... but dont just do it for spite.

or do you mean he has committed a crime that only you know about~? what has that to do with the money he owes you?

[EcclesCake]

Could you verify that with something concrete please Joko?

[pixie373]

I think he had made up his mind already and was looking for an excuse. You don't say what his appointment is for, so it's hard to tell how important that is. Or why you had to go as well. I would stop texting and give him a few days to calm down. Sorry about your gran xx

[cupotee2]

Keep the ring to sell as payment or part payment of his debt to you.

[catcuddler]

We both exchanged engagement rings so I cant sell it to cover what I've lost.I know that he will have an illicit subject in his flat and I know on which day and at roughly what time I also know his brother and his mother use said illicit substance.I was going to inform crime stoppers and try and get him raided.I guess I want revenge but if he wont pay what he owes then why should he get away with it.Not quite sure how I feel