Problem Teenager

[malagabob]

Problem teenager 14. Younger sister 8, both by different fathers Brother 4 by new partner.
Teenager tells lies all the time, steals her mothers cloths to wear. says you give more to sister and brother than her.
Teenager says I want a new iphone causes scene in shopping precinct swearing and shouting at her mother.
Social been involved because teenager missing school a lot, have done nothing.
Teenager says I dont want to go to school today I dont feel well.
After returning home from taking younger girl to school teenager has gone out. not once but on many occasions.
Teenager wants lip pierced, needs mothers permission. Mother refuses Teenage goes ballistic shouting swearing.
Mother has had teenagers phone disconnected to get her to change her ways.
Teenager agrees . Mother has phone turned on teenager returns to her ways.
New partner at a loss because he is not her father, and the teenager would not listen to him anyway
Holiday planned and paid for with grandparents and other members of new partners brother and brothers girlfriend.
Teenager says she is not coming, and will do all she can to disrupt all holiday plans.

[1ozzy]

Boot camp?
Sounds like someone is seeking lots of attention and wants to set their own standards.
Could there be something missing in "teenagers life"?
I wish you luck.

[factor-fiction]

I see this sort of thing every day with teenagers at school. It's a phase many go through. I remember feeling real anger at what now seem silly little things when I was 14/15. Most grow up into very sensible. caring adults

[1ozzy]

^^ Very true Factor-fiction.
Some times those that seem the worst finally figure things out.
Sometimes it isn't a phase that triggers the behavior but an underlying "feeling" that they need to express in some way.

[ummmm]

In the real world we have to pay for everything....

If a teenager gets everything for free then they should tow the line.

Take every worldly possession off them until they learn some respect.

[dunnitall]

Agree with ummmm here, too much given to them which can lead to disrespect, about time parents thought about the reality of things and how their kids may turn out when they don't respect others.

[1ozzy]

Hi Ummmm
Sorry I can't agree with you on that one.
Deny the Kid everything? "Stand back and see how ballistic they can become".
I think the child has an issue with something in their life, could possibly be "uncertainty" in their own future.
Could also be "hormones" kicking in.

[malagabob]

That has been tried ummmm, doesnt work. Teenager has learnt the art of blackmail and takes it to the limit

[ummmm]

I can only rely on my own experiences. I have 3 children and life dealt us a pretty shity hand. Two coped, one didn't.

[dunnitall]

I cannot understand about teenager learning the art of blackmail, surely blackmailing someone only works if you give in? Don't give in whatever they try on as then they don't get the upper hand. Mind you, things should start from an early age and often in today's society it unfortunately doesn't.

[TWR]

A tough stance from you, that is the only way.

[1ozzy]

Hi Malagabob
I'm not trying to "stick up" for Problem teenager here, but try to "walk in her shoes".
How many "father figures"?
"stability in life"?
Plus the "dreaded teens".
No doubt you are all trying to create a good family life but maybe one person needs convincing, somehow.
Have either of you tried showing some real interest in "problem teenagers" life? It may mean listening to really crappy music, inviting others around and pretending to enjoy their company. Somehow involving "problem teenager" in daily life in such a manner that "problem teenager" feels important.
Once again I wish you luck

[Mosaic]

Is she experiencing peer-group pressure? What kind of crowd are her friends? You have your work cut out here, and very wise of you to take a step back because the first thing she (and her ma) may chuck at you is that you aren't her father.
Piercings can heal over. When she's old enough to have it done, if she wants it done, it's her choice.
Believe it or not there are families where screaming, swearing and stamping about are normal behaviour, and if your girlie is under the influence of some like this then that's where it's coming from.
But separating her from bad influences is also fraught with problems - if done directly it will drive her towards them, not away.
At 14 she can't legally stay on her own (well you can tell her that) and so she'll have to come on holiday and make the best of it.
Has mother had any meetings at school to talk about the truancy, possible causes and means of addressing? Not to late to do so.
Take heart. I recall my own DD being foul from 13-16, and suddenly becoming lovely at 17. It's just so tempting to throttle them in the difficult times. Best of luck.

[malagabob]

Seeing as the teenager was not going to school as she felt unwell?? She was asked the other morning would she watch her 4 year old brother as it was raining so the mother could take the teenagers sister to school. Hes not mine hes yours. she said You leave him with me and as soon as you leave I will go out and leave him on his own.