Reunited With Daughter

[HAVEY]

My partner has recently reunited with his son after many years. Things are going well and iam pleased for him but I feel a quite anxious about things and I cannot put my finger on why....I think iam concerned that he will become the main focus of everything and our previous life pre reunion will fade into the background. My partner is so wrapped up in how well things are going it seems like he has little interest in anything else. I wonder if anyone has been in a similar situation and knows how long this initial honeymoon phase will last. Does it settle down and get more normal? Thanks in advance for your help.

[black_cat51]

i don't really understand - is the partner also wanting to reunite with a daughter, or are you?

[boxtops]

where does the daughter (in the heading) fit in?

[EcclesCake]

How long is a piece of string?

You sound insecure and a little jealous that the attention is being focussed on the child, is it a relatively new relationship for you? The best thing you can do is be supportive to your partner as there is undoubtedly going to be some emotional and lifestyle adjustments on the horizon.

It might be a good idea to be absolutely sure of the gender of your partners child too!

[Sqad]

Jealous eh?

That is perfectly normal.

You will just have to wait and see how long it takes for your anxiety about the situation to resolve. May take months, years or never.

Don't back your OH into a corner where he may have to make a choice between you and his son.

It will settle.

[askyourgran]

It must be exciting to be reunited with someone closely related to you again, and they both must be feeling happy to know how well they are getting on. Try to share his happiness, don't give in to jealousy. Your life with your partner is still the same except that a new interest has entered your lives. It depends on how much he sees of his son to know how long the 'enchantment' lasts, but it will settle down eventually. At the moment you must play the friendly non threatened partner, he will appreciate your support in the long run. If not remind him that you both need some time together.

[nailit]

I knew someone years ago who was reunited with his son after not seeing him from a baby. His wife became jealous as hell and wouldnt accept his son. He dumped her in the end and remarried someone who DID accept his son.

[HAVEY]

Sorry for confusion, Daughter is a typing error. He never met his son and he never told me that he existed until he got in touch so you can perhaps understand my anxiety...I am not a jealous person and have been very supportive so far. I won't make him choose but feel quite smothered at the moment as it's so new and full-on. Thanks for the answers.

[vakayu]

It must be a very anxious time for you as this was not a part of his life until now,and it is natural to feel threatened,and it will be testing as to your relationship together but all you can do is be patientmhang on in there and hopefully things will settle down in time,what age is the son?

[HAVEY]

Son is 29 with a young daughter so a grandchild as well as a long lost child..

[vakayu]

Hi again Havey Not exactly a child then I don't mean that facetiously either,I mean he will not be so needy and demanding as a child would be,grown up with his own family,so not the same threat as a child would be either,as I said earlier I have been in a similar situation except it was not a grown up so was worse,she wanted to come and stay with her father,so you can imagine,it was not easy,it changes the whole dynamics of yuour relationship and makes you question everything,be strong and try and be as understanding as possible,what you have to remember is it is a different kind of love he has for his son,so not really a threat to what you both have together.

[catswhiskas]

My husband was re-united with his two adult sons about 2 years ago, but I did know beforehand that they existed. I was so pleased for him , they live over 100 miles away, but they visit and we have spent lots of time together, give him lots of support, I, m sure things will settle down soon.

[vakayu]

Hi catwhiskas I think the main anxiety here is this came out of the blue,and it was not part of "the deal" from the start,very difficult to get used to someone new coming on the scene taking her partner's emotions away,I too hope things will settle down.Good luck Haveyx

[HAVEY]

Thanks for all your answers...I want it to work out but feel quite overwhelmed at the moment. It's early days though and I will give things a chance....I don't want to lose what I have but I guess it's fear of the unknown that scares me. Thanks again. X

[vakayu]

I can sympathise exactly with how you feel Havey,it is overwhelming like your world has fallen apart,and unknown feelings you didn't realise you had rear their ugly heads,it is as if you are lost with all these new feelings to deal with.This has arisen and you feel pushed into the background and do not know how you really feel,but things will settle down,I like yourself felt that way,it will take a while.All the very bestx

[Maydup]

There are some unnecessarily harsh comments about jealously here. Its a huge change for you both especially after you not having known that the son existed, and it will indeed take a far amount of adjustment. Its not surprising you are feeling anxious, but it doesn't make you jealous. Things will settle down, both for him as they gets to know his son, and for you as you get used to the new dynamic that has been presented to you.

In the meantime, be as flexible as possible but try to find ways to protect some of your time together.

[HAVEY]

Thanks for all your views. I can see how some may think iam jealous but iam really not and have been very accommodating to try to make the situation easier. Time will tell if It works and it's nice to know that others have been in this situation too. X