Social Services...

[Tired_Vines]

I've recently been for a mental health assesment, as I've had a few 'issues' of late.
I saw a lovely woman who I felt very at ease and comfortable with, and so was quite open and honest about things.
It was a fairly brief appointment (was supposed to last 1.5 hours but I was done in 45 minutes), which I saw to be a good thing.
She concluded the meeting by saying I had "acute anxiety" and that all the things I was experiencing were "very common" and even laughed and said "don't worry, you're not going mad".
She then said she would write a letter to my GP discussing what we had spoken about and would give her recommendations on a further care plan.

I went away from there feeling really happy, and a bit like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Today I have received a call from social services, completely out of the blue.
She said I'd been referred to them by my GP/hospital and that they wanted to come and see me and my two children to see if there was "any way in which they could help".

I was obviously extremely shocked and surprised by the call, and tried to get a further understanding of what it is they exactly want, but she's now coming round tomorrow afternoon, with a colleague, for a "chat".

I've since phoned my GP surgery who says they've received the letter from the hospital (apparently there's a copy for me in the post) which recommends I'm referred for psychotherapy. She (the receptionist) mumbled through the letter and then mentioned the words "MILD PERSONALITY DISORDER"...!?

I literally fell silent on the phone, and was told to make an appointment tomorrow morning to see my GP who would discuss it with me further.
I asked if I could have a call back from my GP today, but she said he's requested to see me, so now I have a massively anxious wait until tomorrow.

I'm really, really worried. Not about seeing my GP (I'm more confused about that) but about SS.
Has anyone had any dealings with them, either personally or professionally, who could offer any kind of advice?
I know it's not long to wait but I'll go out of my mind with worry for the rest of the day and night now, panicking about what's going to happen.

Currently on my 2nd attempt of withdrawing from alcohol (which was noted at the hospital), single parent, medication is 30g mirtazapine... which all sounds rather negative from a SS point of view, I'm sure :-(

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

[Cloverjo]

I'm sorry for your troubles. I don't have any experience of SS, but they are there to help you. I am sure they are not going to take your children away, or anything like that. Sorry, no real help, just wanted to let you know people are here to "listen".

[Daffy6543]

My daughter is a single parent of two children and has anorexia, depression and borderline personality disorder. She came to the attention of social services last year due to poor hygiene at home and various other things I don't want to get into here. The social workers assessed her, asked what help she needed to sort herself out, provided that help and supported her until they felt she was able to 'go it alone'. She is now signed off any further action from Social Services unless she requests their help or someone reports her for anything.
They are not going to try and take your kids unless they feel they are in immediate danger from you, try not to worry too much and accept any help they offer.
Good luck. x

[Tired_Vines]

Thank you for the responses.
She said it was "routine", but I just can't help but worry.

I'm so worried they're going to being the drinking issue up, and I just don't know what I'm going to say, because they have obviously been told by the hospital or my GP that I am 'struggling'.

My sister is a social worker, so I was in two minds about phoning her and asking, but I don't think I want it spreading like wildfire throughout my family.

I just don't really know what help they'll be able to offer me, as I'm taking all the help that's currently being offered to me as it is.

I'm sure I'm worrying about nothing, but it was just a bit of a shock.

Thank you again x

[ummmm]

I've had dealings with them due to a malicious report after my dad died. They were brilliant.

They don't just deal in child protection. They also do family support. Many people have a little wobble in life x

[Daffy6543]

If they bring up the drinking issue you must be honest with them, tell them you are getting help and that you want to get sober.

The help they offer can be in many different forms. They might be able to put you in touch with support organisations for the alcohol issue.
My daughter was referred to a local radio station who paid for decorating and furniture for both children's bedrooms. She was also signed up for a parenting course where she learned household organisation skills and how to cook healthy meals from scratch on a budget, this was especially important as being anorexic she has a twisted view of nutrition.

[AlwaysConfused]

DO phone your sister - I'm sure she will give you support and sound advice. It will not be in her nature to spread gossip about you. Inbetween, do anything you can for your addiction - have you tried the AA?

[Tired_Vines]

Actually, my initial thought was that it could have been malicious (it's happened before (though not with SS) by my ex, but she said they were following up from my assessment, so that makes me think it can't be.
I've spoken with my sister in the past, prior to me getting help with my alcohol issues, as I was worried about what people would think of me as a Mother, and she did say that they're there to help and taking away kids is always the last resort, but now it's reality I can't help but worry.

Thanks again x

[Daffy6543]

AlwaysConfused, you have no idea whether her sister is the gossiping type! My 3 sisters would most definitely tell everyone else if I ever told them such things.

[Kassee]

I think your GP has handled this badly, as you not have had a call from Social Services, without being warned that this was likely - especially if you are anxious. Also being given information from the receptionist, that was not given to you by the doctor, is really not on at all. You have a right to feel upset. I would tell social services, you will wait to speak to your GP again before you see them. And then thrash the whole thing out with the GP.

The fact that she said you had "acute anxiety" and then really everything else that has happened, has made you even more anxious. All of this should have been explained fully by the Gp in my opinion.

[lcg]

btw.....there is no such thing as a 'mild' personality disorder. either you meet the criteria, or you don't. whoever wrote that doesn't know what the hell they are talking about (for example - for borderline personality disorder - the most common one and especially in women - has 9 symptoms and you need to meet 5 of them to get that diagnosis). you may have one or two symptoms of a personality disorder, but so do most of the population (generally people are a little fecked up in one way or another - don't fret, it doesn't make you defective or a bad person in any way, it makes you normal. it is not a judgement!) but may mean that you will need some psychotherapy and medication to improve how you feel. if that were true of any physical health problem you had, that wouldn't make you feel bad, would it? you would go off to the clinic/dr and get your treatment - this is no different.

you are using alcohol to cope at present, and that is never a good idea if you do have mental health problems (or taking medications - as it might make side effects worse or make you feel groggy and gross)....just don't give up on giving up!!! you will get there as things get easier. you recognise you have an issue and want to do something about it, and those are the 2 hardest things to get right and make an effort for.....so you are on your way to recovering from your current difficulties. and that is great.

as for social services - you can see them, or not. it is your right to tell them to take a run and jump if that is what you want to do, but they can help and offer you support. it is very, very unlikely that they will do anything to you or your children except provide signposting to other services or support in accessing mental health/detox treatment. please stop panicking about that and don't tell anybody that you don't want to about your problems - that is your right.....but what if your family wanted to help? just consider it. there is also nothing wrong with being honest with social services and telling them that this is making you nervous because you don't understand what the process is about.....and they need to tell you why etc. and make YOU comfortable with it, not the other way around - you do not have to become a performing seal every time they come around and they will not expect you to be perfect. nobody is.

at the end of the day, i am a psych nurse who teaches doctors (and i have physical disabilities and psychotic depression myself - and take a damn sight more meds that 95% of my patients!!!), so i do know what i am talking about - if things are not being made clear to you or you do not understand, ask until you do. people who assess or refer you must make it crystal clear what your problems are, what help is available and involve you in any decision making about what path of treatment you take. it is ok and perfectly acceptable to try and be in control of what is happening to you and have choices offered to you. and there is nothing wrong with being a bit potty and not a perfect human being......so far i haven't met anybody that is! just try your best, and that is all anybody can ever ask of you. try not to beat yourself up and use your energy in doing positive things in your life, not the negative stuff. good luck with things.....and remember to be kind to yourself x

[lcg]

and look stuff up on the internet - not to diagnose yourself or worry more, but to get more information. the more you know about an issue, the less uncertainty there will be around it.....and if you are anxious this may help. write down questions you may want to ask when you see your dr, or social services. personally, i love people coming to see me with lists - it means they are thinking about what is happening to them and makes it clear what their worries are. this is your life - your journey. it is absolutely fine to ask any professional a question, or even challenge them on what they are saying. it makes the process clear, transparent and less ambiguous, so you will all know where you stand and what exactly it is you need.

[squidgirl]

first of all any social services referral should have been discussed with you first, where there isnt an immediate danger to your kids which required an immediate referral they should have discussed that they may have to do a referral -however social services generally only do referrals if they feel that they arent qulaified to assess situation with your kids so they just cjeck with sociao services as a matter of course to cover their backs if something were to go wrong-i would call them and ask them to explain why they referred you, remember when you sign your careplan/ confidentiality statement this should have been clear that they may be required to share info with SS, but they dont have to share info with your GP without your consent. I suspect they shared info with them due to your alcohol use rather than boderline personality disorder but you dont say what kind of issues you are suffering with. Social services wont come round and take your kids off you dont worry-they will assess your childrens needs and if they find that if they are well looked after and cared for they will just close the file, i work with class a drug users, many of them are able to keep their children fine, social services also do other things such as support parents, they arent there to just take peoples children away.