My Husband Cheated Before We Got Married?

[Minelle7]

I found out recently my husband cheated on me 5 years ago. we have been married for 3 years. I found out by snooping in his emails he never deleted. He had sex with her 3 times. I know this was a long time ago but im just finding out. Im so confused and hurt. I dont know how to feel about this. should I ask him about it or just let it go?

[Peter Pedant]

but stopping the hair pulling that has been going on
and getting back to Minelle...

to be honest I think you have to forget as it just gets worse if you say - and that was because I looked at your emails....

unless of course you are looking to end it
in which case bring it into the dinner conversation...

[FrogNog]

Thanks DTC, but I'm never going to,accept that it's okay to spy on your partner.
If you have something to say to them, say it.

[-Talbot-]

I had to snoop in a phone at B&Q a few days ago.............she was far too old for that basque :0(

How do you know he had sex with her 3 times?

[237SJ]

Not that I`m advocating spying on your partner but if they are messing around, do you honestly think they are going to admit it when you ask them? Really?

[FrogNog]

Probably not 237SJ, but if it's got to that stage, is it really a harmonious relationship?

[-Talbot-]

I hope you're not suggesting Prudie is the other woman, DT?

Let it go but if you can't, do not fester on it...confront him right away.

[-Talbot-]

Ignore me , you obviously mean Fronog n Prudie........back to the jungle for me!

[DTCwordfan]

lol Talbot!!! Almost libellous, says he rolling on the floor.

Just agree to disagree then, Frog.... I don't think she should be actively snooping either. Occasionally, we find things accidentally....However, if she has her suspicions for what ever reason as to something recently, then the scenario changes.

[DTCwordfan]

http://valueoftruth.org/bible/phew.jpg

Phew.....

[jourdain2]

I tried to ignore a similar episode. I really, really worked at the relationship, I thought things were good at the time and it was an aberration, perhaps brought on by guilt. It all ended fairly horribly. I should not have been so blind. Let go.

[grasscarp]

Before he got married to you he was not your husband and had not made vows to you. Therefore it was not cheating on you and you should let it go.

[jourdain2]

Perhaps I should add that I did not snoop in any way - it just gradually became obvious. I have not read any earlier posts.

[Prudie]

Saying "I never really understand why people find snooping in e-mails and phones so awful" means that, I never really understand. It does not warrant "You approve of snooping Prudie?" and "nosey parker".

I also never ever snoop in my partner's stuff and never said I did- living with a previous serial cheater has taught me not to look for things I might not want to find.

[Greedyfly]

For once in my life I agree with Joelukes comment re cheating again. It's not a definite one size fits all but you wI'll always question him.

Regarding the snooping - absolutely a no no in any healthy relationship. If you can't trust your husband then he shouldn't be your husband.

[Gizmonster]

Hmmm - I think everyone needs to read the other thread that Minelle7 has just started:

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Family/Question1383551.html#answer-9402001

[1ozzy]

You beat me to it Giz :-)