My Daughter's Relationship With Her Daughter

[Samuraisan]

I am very worried about how my daughter is behaving with her daughter. My GD is nearly 5 and very headstrong and intelligent. My daughter also, she works very hard and gets quite stressed, but then seems to take it on on my GD expecting perfect behaviour. I have heard her say " I don't want to be you when you are like" I don't like you when you are like that " and so on. She has another baby boy of 7 months, my GD has shown no sign of jealousy and adores her baby brother, but I am thinking maybe she is attention seeking . We don't know whether to interfere or not. But we find it very upsetting and hate to see my GD end up in tears. Any experience and advise please ?

[Maydup]

It sounds like the stresses and strains of work/life balance for your daughter. With 2 little ones and a job it sounds as if your daughter is struggling to find time for everything. She will be ignoring her own needs and as a result, being impatient and snappy. As you say, you don't want to interfere, but instead, is there anything you can do to help out?

Could you meet your GD from school a couple of times a week and give her some one to one time before tea? Have both children for half a day at the weekend to let your daughter have some time to herself? Etc

[ummmm]

I assume your daughter doesn't live with you?

[Samuraisan]

I already do that Maydup. No,they don't love with us, but have just moved into a house 50 metres away. She has the support of her husband, but he is also volatile and sometimes it's really hard to hear. We take our GD most Saturdays for a few hours and after school sometimes, we also are working so can't always.. I just think maybe she should just say to her that she's not talking to her until my GD is calm and polite. But not tell her she doesn't LIKE her sometimes.

[ummmm]

But saying 'I don't like you when you behave like that' is different to saying 'I don't like you'

It's the behaviour that is disliked, not the child.

If you're not there 24/7 then perhaps you don't see the love, kisses and cuddles...etc.

[Samuraisan]

Oh I know she adores her, and there is plenty of love. Maybe I should mind my on business ?

[Old_Geezer]

I think grandparents are allowed to express concern, if words are chosen carefully. But not so often or so strong as to be seen as interfering. Light touch stuff. Good if a solution is ready to offer too. As others have said, you may be seeing stressful times and fewer of the ok times. It doesn't sound too big a deal, merely that you think your GD is being held to unreasonable standards. I think they'll cope.

[ummmm]

No...I don't think you should mind your own business.

You're being a good parent.

[TWR]

It's not the case of minding your Business Sarnu, I think I know where you are coming from, but you will get no thanks & may even cause friction with your daughter.

[jourdain2]

It is so difficult being a grandma! Mostly you have to stand back, but in this case I think that your daughter is really struggling and needs some help. GD is most probably attention-seeking and I think that perhaps this is where you could provide the individual attention she craves. She is facing a whole new world of school and new relationships after all so doesn't quite know how to cope with it all.

It is actually a perfect opportunity to build a super relationship with her. Can you physically be there to meet after school or have for a sleep-over at the weekends? Something about the situation needs to change and you could suggest something positive which will carry on into the future. Nil desperandum!

[Samuraisan]

Many thanks all of you. I feel better about it now and I am going to take both the children on Saturday ( !!!!) for the day , and that will give my daughter a bit of a breather.