ChatterBank5 mins ago
Should My Engagement Be Broken Off?
22 Answers
Let me start by saying, my fiancé isn't a bad person. He doesn't physically abuse me, he loves me endlessly, and he loves my 4 year old daughter to the moon and back.
But our relationship is empty. 3 years ago we met: he had been divorced for almost 3 years with two kids, and I was a young single mom of a 1 year old. Everything moved so fast! Within 2 months he began spending every night at my house, and then he was laid off and unofficially moved in when he lost his apartment.
He struggled with work for 2 years. For 2 entire years, bosses screwed him over, or he got himself fired, and I had to support our entire household. (And we had moved to a bigger place with bigger bills once it was official that we were living together. Bills I could not afford to pay by myself while in university.) but we managed to struggle onwards. During this 2 year stretch he proposed to me. But with all of these financial woes, our relationship was under a lot of strain, and the wedding was put on the back burner. I thought it would get better as the stressors in our life lessoned.
It hasn't gotten better though!
Fast forward to the present. He is working. We have paid off about 65% of his debt in collections. (Thanks to my budgeting) But it's always a struggle, he bought a new car when he has $15,000 in collections still. He has absolutely no money management skills and constantly takes my debit and credit cards and empties my accounts.
Our relationship lacks emotional and mental stimulation. He actually has said to me that he thinks it's perfectly normal if we only have a conversation once a week. None of our conversations are intellectually deep. I find myself needing to be out with friends 3-4 times a week just to get some kind of stimulation! And I work full-time as well, so we both have that load on our shoulders as well as raising the kids.
His hygiene is completely lacking. I find myself repulsed when he touches me.
I do all of the housework, all of the cooking, etc and I've became resentful. I've tried to explain to him why I'm feeling this way, and he just won't hear it! I feel so, so empty.
I don't know if I am just crazy or if this relationship is doomed. But I need more out of life then what I have now!!
I've been battling with this for a couple of months. I can't bring myself to make a definitive decision just based solely on my own thoughts.
So, help a girl out, what are your thoughts?
But our relationship is empty. 3 years ago we met: he had been divorced for almost 3 years with two kids, and I was a young single mom of a 1 year old. Everything moved so fast! Within 2 months he began spending every night at my house, and then he was laid off and unofficially moved in when he lost his apartment.
He struggled with work for 2 years. For 2 entire years, bosses screwed him over, or he got himself fired, and I had to support our entire household. (And we had moved to a bigger place with bigger bills once it was official that we were living together. Bills I could not afford to pay by myself while in university.) but we managed to struggle onwards. During this 2 year stretch he proposed to me. But with all of these financial woes, our relationship was under a lot of strain, and the wedding was put on the back burner. I thought it would get better as the stressors in our life lessoned.
It hasn't gotten better though!
Fast forward to the present. He is working. We have paid off about 65% of his debt in collections. (Thanks to my budgeting) But it's always a struggle, he bought a new car when he has $15,000 in collections still. He has absolutely no money management skills and constantly takes my debit and credit cards and empties my accounts.
Our relationship lacks emotional and mental stimulation. He actually has said to me that he thinks it's perfectly normal if we only have a conversation once a week. None of our conversations are intellectually deep. I find myself needing to be out with friends 3-4 times a week just to get some kind of stimulation! And I work full-time as well, so we both have that load on our shoulders as well as raising the kids.
His hygiene is completely lacking. I find myself repulsed when he touches me.
I do all of the housework, all of the cooking, etc and I've became resentful. I've tried to explain to him why I'm feeling this way, and he just won't hear it! I feel so, so empty.
I don't know if I am just crazy or if this relationship is doomed. But I need more out of life then what I have now!!
I've been battling with this for a couple of months. I can't bring myself to make a definitive decision just based solely on my own thoughts.
So, help a girl out, what are your thoughts?
Answers
Sounds to me like you have 3 kids not two. It would be unfair to you. your kids and even Mr Smelly to continue with this relationship . You just don't marry someone that you find repulsive. It will hurt and put you back on your own (no debts though) but think down the line...a messy divorce and perhaps several more years of putting up with this uncommunicat ive,...
12:40 Thu 29th Oct 2015
You're lucky. You can stop it now. Many of us follow the societal stereotype and get married but it's no more likely to bring you happiness than if you don't and just love each other and live apart.
I think love grows when people aren't so close as to get on your nerves. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder while cloying oppressive constant companionship has the opposite effect over time.
I've been married twice and I have to say I now regret them both. OK I never wanted children which is probably the only rational reason for people being married and/or living together.
That's why I knew the second time I'd made the same mistake again. All so plausible in the beginning but then it starts. One or other participant unconsciously tries to take control.
We now live in the age of Me. You can still be in love. You can still enjoy the usual things associated with marriage, but it's best if you don't live together. That little bit of insecurity combined with independence can stop the call to the Samaritans later when it all goes wrong!
I think love grows when people aren't so close as to get on your nerves. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder while cloying oppressive constant companionship has the opposite effect over time.
I've been married twice and I have to say I now regret them both. OK I never wanted children which is probably the only rational reason for people being married and/or living together.
That's why I knew the second time I'd made the same mistake again. All so plausible in the beginning but then it starts. One or other participant unconsciously tries to take control.
We now live in the age of Me. You can still be in love. You can still enjoy the usual things associated with marriage, but it's best if you don't live together. That little bit of insecurity combined with independence can stop the call to the Samaritans later when it all goes wrong!