Am I Wrong For Asking My Girlfriend To Text More Often

[ValidExcuse]

We currently text for around 4-5 minutes at a time once an hour or so. I work 9-16 hour shifts and only text when I get the rare moment to myself. She does not work and spends all of her time at home. Chatting online with randoms. Or watching TV. I don't make any demands of her but I do ask that she text me more often but she refuses by either not texting more or making excuses for why she cannot. Such as suddenly needing to feed her cat.

[EcclesCake]

But you are at work, being paid by your employer to errmm work. It seems unlikely you get a break every hour.

Your employer shouldn't have to pay for you to maintain a personal relationship.

[Eleena]

You have to consider she has other things to do in the house, the every day stuff, as well as shopping etc.. Stopping to remember to text every hour is enough in itself. I personally wouldn't.

[ummmm]

I probably text my OH about twice a week and that's for a reason. I don't expect a text back because 9 times out of 10 I'm just passing on info.

If he has any questions about that info he'll phone me when he's not busy...otherwise he'll wait until he gets home.

That's normal ^^

[ummmm]

I agree Eleena...text tennis is boring.

[B00]

And...

What on earth do you talk about?

Once we've asked "what've you had for lunch?" that's it, we've run out of conversation.

[-Talbot-]

4-5 minutes at a time once an hour or so.



What The Funicular can you possibly have to say that takes
'4-5 minutes at a time once an hour or so.'?

[kvalidir]

I'm younger than you and my partner and I text about things like call times, trains, odd funny things we may have seen MAYBE a few times per week. He lives hundreds of miles away too, as we're often working in different countries so it's not like we're in each other's pockets. We don't feel the need to 'own' the other's constant attention or thoughts and consequently, and he does text his best mate TONS more than me, but our dynamic is committed but open and chilled. If he suddenly wanted me to text him every hour I'd be very worried indeed or if anyone did because with the greatest respect that's really unhealthy.

[Old_Geezer]

I do wish the latest posts would cut titles off more intelligently.

You should be able to discuss your needs and wants with your partner. However they may well form an opinion based on your preferences. If she feels your request to text more is too demanding or needy, perhaps you are with the wrong person ?

[andres]

You seem to be very insecure with this relationship. You say --'I don't make demands of her' but that is exactly what you are doing. Have you never heard the saying -'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'. Try it and you might be pleasantly surprised.

[ummmm]

Why doesn't she have a job?

[ValidExcuse]

Everybody has good answers so far pretty much what I was thinking but wasn't sure which way to go. Also when I said she texted every hour it isn't something I required her to do I was breaking her total texting time down in to average hourly increments so as to explain it better. For example I might not speak to her for an entire 9 hour shift then text on my bus ride to my next job for my next shift and then text a couple times during that shift. Also as far as her doing grocery shopping and house chores .I do the grocery shopping because she doesn't like to and she cleans the house once every few days. Her time is 100% hers every day all day. The answers so far have showed me that I may not need to ask her to text more and that does sound reasonable when I hear it outside my own head.

[ValidExcuse]

@Ummmm she has no job simply because she does not want a job and I have two so I don't ask her to get one

[EcclesCake]

Every now and then the advice on AB does make sense.

[EcclesCake]

You are sounding like a meal ticket, Valid. This does not strike me as a sustainable relationship.

[Sqad]

I bet you struggled to pick the Best Answer.
Quite a problem.

[ummmm]

I don't know what to say to that. At her age she should be working.

What would happen to her if you two split up? What would she put on her CV?

[hc4361]

It is not good for either of you for her not to work simply because she chooses not to.
She needs to get a job - you'd have more money coming in the home, you'd spend more quality time together because you'd only have to do one job and you wouldn't be so tired.
She'd have more confidence and self-esteem and the relationship would be more equal.

[Old_Geezer]

I'm sure someone must have already mentioned it but, it's just occurred to me whilst re-reading the OP. 5 minutes every hour is one twelfth of all your time texting. That's quite a percentage already.

[Old_Geezer]

Ah I see they have; I do tend to respond to the OP without reading everything posted underneath.

The girlfriend job thing is relevant too. But your choice.

[pastafreak]

Sounds like she's using you as a meal ticket. And I hear too much "I do *fill in job/chore* because she doesn't want / like to".
I'm not comfortable with the sound of any of this, and if you were my son I'd suggest moving on. Find someone you can have a more balanced relationship with.