Am I Wrong For Asking My Girlfriend To Text More Often

[ValidExcuse]

We currently text for around 4-5 minutes at a time once an hour or so. I work 9-16 hour shifts and only text when I get the rare moment to myself. She does not work and spends all of her time at home. Chatting online with randoms. Or watching TV. I don't make any demands of her but I do ask that she text me more often but she refuses by either not texting more or making excuses for why she cannot. Such as suddenly needing to feed her cat.

[EcclesCake]

How long have the two of you been together and what does your fiancée contribute to the household costs?

[ValidExcuse]

@Eccless She doesn't cost anything aside from what she eats no car payment no loans etc

[ValidExcuse]

And we have been together about 6 years but only moved in together 1 year ago she is from the Netherlands and I am American and before anyone asks no she isn't with me to become a citizen she could have done that more easily by kissing up to her parents who make 200,000+ USD yearly and have vacation houses here in America

[EcclesCake]

But what about rent, utility bills, general supermarket shop, travel, clothing how does she fund/contribute to all those things?

How many serious girlfriends have you had before?

It really is beginning to sound that you will accept a partner on any terms and she's seeing you as an easy ride to fund her lazy lifestyle.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but this is not a partnership to my mind!

[Ken4155]

From what i've read, according to many surveys, most women would rather have a cup of tea than text:-)

[Prudie]

Repeatedly having to text someone back is boring however much you love them. Whatever you do don't tell her about AB or she'll spend a lot of the day emailing members too ;-)

[New Judge]

I haven't read all of this thread but what I have seems to be the biggest load of cobblers I've seen for some time (and I have seen some).

What sort of job do you have where you work 16 hour shifts? When Mrs NJ and I were both at work full time we parted at about 7am and returned home at about 6pm. During that time, unless there was an emergency, neither of us spoke to each other. Texting was not an option but even if it was I cannot imagine either of us having enough to text about for an hour a day. (As an aside, I cannot imagine either of our employers putting up with us doing so).

It seems you both have problems. To need to "speak" to each other that frequently shows a singular lack of security, imagination and a compulsion bordering on illness. Try giving up the texting. Spend your days apart and then talk to each other about the day (you know, in the old-fashioned way, with words coming out of your mouth) when you get home. You'll find it a lot more enjoyable than this ridiculous mania you are gripped in at the moment.

[ValidExcuse]

New Judge...It isn't one 16 hour shift it's a 9 hour shift followed by going to a second job for another 9 hour shift I said 16 because I took off an hour or so for lunch ..the first job is laborious and I don't have very much free time but the second one is more of a job where they just need a warm body to be there with minimal labor I have plenty of free time which I can text or whatever in as long as patrons aren't here

[Zacs-Master]

Valid, you have to remember that the average age on this website is somewhere around 65. You’re talking to a generation who don’t quite ‘get’ the culture of the young.
Having said that, I do agree that you seem to be in a strange situation.

[New Judge]

Thanks for that explanation.

The rest of my remarks remain unaltered.

[woofgang]

so you run 2 jobs in part to keep her and she does naff all?

[DTCwordfan]

texting so much, Sqad can advise you on finger medicine, as excessive texting leads to strains and whatever, even Dupuytren's contracture issues.

[New Judge]

“You’re talking to a generation who don’t quite ‘get’ the culture of the young.”

I think you’re a little bit askew there, Zacs.

What many people don’t “get” is the need to constantly “converse” with people all day long. It’s not a culture thing. Some people are becoming so obsessed with doing so that they really need to seek professional help. The OP and his partner here seem a case in point. If you take the texting facility out of the equation who in their right mind would phone their partner for five minutes every hour of every day? If anyone had such a habit it would soon become noticeable and I would suggest that it would seriously impede their ability to function properly. These “cultural habits” as they are called are effecting many people to such a degree that they cannot properly function. Any other such addictive habit (which can come under the umbrella of obsessive compulsive disorder) would be viewed as an illness or at least a condition which needs addressing. No such cares seem to exist with this addiction which puzzles me.

[Zacs-Master]

I’m sorry, but it is most definitely a culture thing. The AB generation, including myself, consider texting as a bit of a strange way to communicate whereas for V’s generation, it’s as natural as breathing.

[pixie374]

It is as natural as breathing- people are busy. Valid, is it more about trust? Are you worried that she is talking to "randoms" more than you?

[Zacs-Master]

I think that’s the crux of it Pixie.

[murraymints]

she has too much time and not enough commitment to the relationship to even want to contribute, make your life easier in order to spend more time together..I would look at this relationship very closely....

[jordyboy14]

I agree with new judge what a load of cobblers

[paul1763]

why don't you try talking for 5 minutes every hour, i bet you soon run out of things to say and if not you'd get more in as anyone can speak faster than they can text. also if shes not working, i assume shes not signing on and if you're doing 16 hour shifts when do you get time to do your other job.

[jackthehat]

The OP is in America......they do things differently there......

Text tennis is a chore. If you don't text quite so often, you'll have more to talk to her about when you are face to face.