Advice For Daughter Please?

[Smowball]

I’m staying in Norfolk for 2 days to visit family/drop Xmas presents off. I saw daughter yesterday and she is at the absolute end of her tether with her 3 yr old girl. She is very bright, very tall for her age and speaks very well - she understands everything you say and can have a complete conversation with her so she knows what she is doing and saying.
But..... she has the most incredible temper tantrums about absolutely nothing, and about 20 times a day! I’ve seen them and omg..... as for bed time.....
For example it will be dinner and she’ll ask for orange squash. Are you sure? Yes. Is given the squash. She shoves cup across table and goes into full meltdown. DIDNT WANT SQUASH!!!!! They’ve tried ignoring her, telling her off, taking the squash away, trying to calm her down and reason with her, naughty step....nothing works.
Bedtime lastnight. All kisses and cuddles. Takes her to bed. Gets in bed just fine. Mum isn’t even at top of stairs and she is behind her screaming IM NOT TIRED!!!!! Bearing in mind daughter also has a 17 month old she can’t let her just carry on screaming. They did lastnight and she kept it going for well over an hour.
My daughter just collapsed sobbing onto the sofa. This is absolutely every single day and I just don’t know what to suggest anymore.
Any advice??

[pixie374]

I didn't mean about her getting her own way 're the squash- more that orange squash in particular has additives that can turn any child into a demon :-) xx

[dannyk13]

Whatever the cause Smow, your daughter needs to seek professional help.

[murraymints]

I think we are all agreed on that Danny !

[Smowball]

Daughter is pretty tough and certainly doesn’t let her get away with it but she cannot believe how strong willed the 3 yr old is as she will just carry on and on and on..... I’m on my way over there now but please keep comments coming and I will check them later. Thanks for all advice so far x

[jakep]

Perhaps it would be a good idea to record two or three tantrums and take that to the GP.

[emmie]

could you take her for a weekend and see how she behaves, or is that not possible. What she needs is one of those Nanny's that you see on the TV, the ones who sort out children with behavioural problems. Either that she is dead jealous of the newer baby and is vying so much for mummy's attention..

[Cloverjo]

I know you've said your daughter has tried everything, like ignoring the girl's behaviour, praising her etc. but it sounds like she (your d) hasn't kept it going long enough to make difference.
Everyone should agree to ignore the tantrums for as long as it takes (use earplugs if necessary) and give her lots of attention when she's good.

There are no quick fixes, but given time this should work eventually.

Also, the girl is very bright. Perhaps she needs more mental stimulation?

[Samuraisan]

Sounds like jealousy to me. I think all three year olds have tantrums, my GS does, although as he is approaching 4 they are getting less and less.he seem to dig himself a hole and not know how to climb out, so to speak. Think seriously about Drs. And councilling, it might just feed into her about getting special attention. Obviously she needs to be punished ( stand in the corner until stop crying etc) and try not to make a big deal of it, hard I know. Never ever compare her to her younger sibling, give her a few minor responsibilities for the baby's care, and take her home with you for a night or two. Then when you are doing granma's things, making cakes whatever, together and she is feeling like your world, have a chat. 7 year old level. Not about how wonderful the baby is, but how tired mummy gets when she acts up, and how mummy loves her forever and needs her. Tell her she can come or call you if she feels funny and doesn't know why. Mine ask their mummy if they can call me, although we are lucky to live around the corner. Good luck, patience is needed. Tell daughter to read Dr. Spock

[Cloverjo]

Another thing; it sounds like this has become a habit for the girl. Like "This is what I do. I wind mummy up whenever I want. Time for a tantrum now, I think."

Keep ignoring it. It will take weeks possibly, but as I said before. There are no quick fixes.

[FoxLee2]

I'm sure that the 'three day nanny' dealt with something similar. When the child went into a meltdown and screamed he/she was just taken to their bedroom and left there. When you've finished screaming, you can come down. Thereafter whenever it occurred, it was just screaming - bedroom. It didn't take too long for the child (especially as this girl is so clever) to realize that it was no fun being put away in the bedroom.

[pixie374]

I agree with a lot of that , sam- although the child is only 3

[EDDIE51]

A terrible situation, I can only say that I agree , very bright children need a lot of mental stimulation or they get bored. The tantrums are a release from boredom.
That may well explain the nursery situation. Poor Mum with a toddler to cope with just does not have the time or resources to provide sufficient stimulus.

[horselady]

Oh dear, my granddaughter used to do this, used to get herself in such a state she almost hyperventilated, she also is a very bright girl and we realised later on that it was mostly sheer frustration trying to get her point across but not always having the vocabulary to do so. She stopped once she was in mainstream school and her brain was fully occupied, she's 9 now and a total joy.

[mikey4444]

This child sounds as if there is serious mental illness present. This isn't ordinary tantrums.

Your daughter should see her Doctor asap, and ask for an consultation with the appropriate kind of medical help.

[rockyracoon]

My daughter was exactly the same as Horselady's grandaughter. She was absolute hell until she started school and caused us a lot of concern. Once at school she changed quite dramatically. Though the tantrums didn't stop completely, they were very few and far between. When she was 14 she started kick boxing classes and that really helped a lot with her temper.
In August, she came top of the whole year group with 10 GCSEs at A* (or equivalent) so I do believe that I wasn't stimulating her enough whilst she was at home with me when she was younger.

[EcclesCake]

That really is very OTT Mikey.

Sorry Smow, not having any children myself I have nothing to suggest but wish your daughter strength to get to the other side of this current situation.

[Cloverjo]

Smow, please don't take any notice of what Mikey said.
Sorry, Mikey, but I think you are totally wrong. The girl is showing no signs of a 'serious mental illness'.

[pastafreak]

Mikey should watch a few episodes of Three Day Nanny...then he'd understand what 3 year olds can be like.

[rockyracoon]

Serious mental illness? Are you for real?
She's a 3 year old child having tantrums, they do that, some more often than others.

[Sqad]

"This child sounds as if there is serious mental illness present. This isn't ordinary tantrums. "

mikey means "mental disorders" and he may well be right, depending upon one's definition of mental disorders.