Getting Hitched

[Barmaid]

We've more or less made all the big decisions now. However we have both been married before and most of our guests will have attended at least one of our weddings. Consequently we do not expect people to buy gifts. Is there a tactful way we can say this or let people know without sounding ungrateful?

Secondly, Mr bm lost his dad this year. How can I make him feel his dad is part of this? I know i could do an absent friends toast but i was trying to think of something else.

[jackthehat]

On our invites we wrote...
"We don't require your presents, your presence will be enough of a gift."
I went to a wedding recently where the brides' father was too poorly to give her away. So she had a small photograph of him attached to her shoe.....so he was 'still with her every step of the way.'

[woofgang]

answer 1 is that you say on the invites something like "We are both blessed with material possessions, your presence is all we ask for"
So far as Mr BM's dad, what a lovely thought.....you might talk to him about what he'd like?

[rowanwitch]

If you knew his father you might want to say a few words along the lines of 'they say to see who your man will be look at his father, well I did and it made all the more confident I had made the right decision' if you can say it honestly. Maybe include something like his favourite colour, or a little tribute card as part of your place settings or include something on your order of service.

[rowanwitch]

An alternative to no presents is a collection for a charity, saying you are blessed with all you need and you would like to use your happiest day to share love with those who need it. A charity relevant to OH s dad would be good

[Old_Geezer]

If you use woof's suggestion, just make sure you spell "presence" correctly ;-)

[Peter Pedant]

I never think you are too old for prezzies

as for the Dad - have a piece in the ceremony - [poss up - hooley] that is devoted to his memory
This is for Dad - and then the wedding at Cana - st John's gospel

Ecclesiastes - 3 1-8 - (there is a time to do everything but poetically)

[Peter Pedant]

Oh and of course
well done and congrats on getting wed !

[Peter Pedant]

// "We are both blessed with material possessions, your presence is all we ask for" //
what is wrong with
"We are both blessed with material possessions, and a few more will not go amiss" - the more expensive the better we only have well heeled frenz

[wolf63]

Giving to charity is a great idea. Maybe ask the guests to donate to a specific cause or sponsor a project or an animal.

[Barmaid]

Thanks all.

Jack and woofgang i like those wordings - i think a hybrid of the two will fit the bill.

Rowan really like that idea for my speech. He'll end up laughing because his dad was a bit pervy really. So is he. Lol

Peter there wont be anything vaguely religious. But youve given me an idea. I may use one of his dads favourites when we sign the register.

OG I'll run the spelling thru AB. Naturally!

[TonyV]

When my mum passed away all proceeds, from when she was ill, went to the carers charity (Mcmillans) that took care of her. So if Mr BM has a favourite charity maybe ask for donations to be made to them. Bit of topic but just an idea.

[Barmaid]

I quite like the charity idea. I shall suggest the donkey sanctuary seeing as the rotten sod offered to trade me for a donkey and a beer the other day......

[TonyV]

He will need lots to get you a cart fitting your glamour for his donkey to tow you around in. Hope you have a happy day x

[Peter Pedant]

// Peter there wont be anything vaguely religious.//

except by commemorating a change of state ( Dad's death ) at another change of state - a wedding - you are being religiousy arent you? - his life has meaning for your own lives ....

[ok I see God in all things ....]

[sunny-dave]

Mr BM gets a bogof deal ...

https://i.postimg.cc/MZCPycyD/donkeyscow2.jpg

[sunny-dave]

To return to the OP ...

"No toasters please, we're from Norfolk and already have a fork"?

[Maydup]

All you need now in true AB fashion, is a suitable poem to use on the invitations to sum this all up!

[retrocop]

Put a seat at the table with a glass of whatever the gentleman enjoyed and a little note saying," Cheers Fred. Always with us. We don't leave you out" or whatever.
I believe that is a South African custom.

[Rockrose]

A large picture of dad at the table or reception.
We are going to a wedding in a fortnight where they have stated no gift but please buy a drink for new friends. I will see if I can find the actual words if you want

[Tuvok]

What about Good Gifts or similar?

ie. for £x you could buy a farmer some hens or a goat etc.