Holiday Before Wedding

[Loulou4982]

We are getting married in Spain next year. For the actual wedding we have a villa that sleeps 20 people for four nights One of those days is the day of the wedding the 20 people will be close friends and immediate family before the wedding I would like to go to Spain to relax with my immediate family and ideally with my fiance. He thinks it’s unfair that I’m not inviting his family to this but in all honesty I don’t want his family there I just want to relax with My family before the wedding
He thinks we should invite his side to so another 8 to 10 people as to be inclusive. Am I being unreasonable to want to spend some time with my family without everyone else given that the days around the wedding they will all be staying with us at the wedding Villa

[barry1010]

Yes

[Mamyalynne]

You'll never please everyone, I don't know any of you but can see his point of view.

If you want a few quiet days before the big day then make it just the two of you.

[calmck]

Why do you not go with your family and he with his. Separate villas, maybe lunch with his family one day and yours the next. Are the 20 people your family and friends, where is his family staying and is he staying with you the night before the wedding. I think you need to consider his feelings and discuss the situation calmly together

[pixie374]

Yes. Either both families, or just you two.

[woofgang]

oh and take loads of masks

[Buenchico]

A couple of thoughts from me:

1. If you're entering into a partnership with someone, it seems crazy (as well as extremely selfish) not to give as much weight to the feelings of that partner as you do to your own. If you're inviting your own family then it should be obvious that you should invite your fiancé's family too. (As Calmck points out, they don't all have to stay in the same villa though).

2. You ought to consider though whether all of your family/families really want to join you or can afford to do so. There have been quite a lot of press articles over recent years about people who've struggled to keep up with the overseas wedding invitations that they've received. They've often gone only out of a 'sense of duty', rather than as an enjoyable experience.

For example, there have been reports of people who've been invited to attend a couple of family members' weddings in Spain or Greece in the same year that they've also been invited to workmates' weddings in Antigua and Thailand. In every case the bridal couple (or, more often, the bride) has made it clear that there's been a firm expectation upon the invitees that they'll turn up. It's plunged those invitees into thousands of pounds into debt, meant that they've been unable to afford a holiday of their own and left them panicking about the next set of weddings coming up in the following year. So are you SURE that your family (and your fiancé's family) both WANT to attend and can actually AFFORD to do so? (i.e. you ought to be considering THEIR feelings, as well as those of your fiancé).

[New Judge]

//Am I being unreasonable to want to spend some time with my family without everyone else//

You can answer that question yourself: what if it was the other way around and your family was left out? Think less about the wedding and more about your marriage.

[Buenchico]

^^^ Beautifully concise, NJ!

[New Judge]

//^^^ Beautifully concise, NJ!//

I can be - sometimes! :-)

[albaqwerty]

Yes, you are being unreasonable.

It's only 4 nights, not a lifetime. You can spend time with your family, he can spend the same amount of time with his.

It's called compromise and if you want a long married life, start now.

[douglas9401]

Some might day this is a sign for a fiance to make his excuses and bolt.

[tonyav]

pixie374Yes. Either both families, or just you two

Agree with pixie.

[barry1010]

Three of the most stressful events in one package - family holiday, spending time with in-laws AND a wedding.
Good luck.

[Bobbisox1]

If you need relaxation before your wedding ,why not just the both of you go together, I very much going with even immediate family would be *relaxing* you’re alienating your in-laws even before you start married life with their son which won’t bode well for your future together ,will it?

[pastafreak]

The OP has said this is to be a holiday before the wedding...but she doesn't say how far in advance of the big day. Weeks...several months?
Nor does she say what the numbers are in her "immediate family". Is she paying...or are they, for their individual rooms/accommodation?
I tend to think if she wants time with her family, then that's all it should be. Just them.

[barry1010]

She says one of those four days is to be the day of the wedding.

[teacake44]

Cancel it all, invite everyone to the registry office, get married there, supply everyone with a cheese sarnie, bag of crisps, if a hot day may be a bottle of water, and us all the money you were going to spend on a months honeymoon. All done a dusted.

[Canary42]

With that attitude I give the marriage twelve months.

[pastafreak]

//barry1010

She says one of those four days is to be the day of the wedding //

Barry...that's the actual wedding. Not the separate holiday she wants to take.
At least, that's how I read it.

[aelmpvw]

that's a bit tight teacake, i'm sure they could push the boat out and supply the guests with a bottle of beer each