Help For Keep

[fruitsalad]

My Son and his partner split up some years ago, our Grandaughter lives with us as her school is just under a mile from us, it's 8/9 miles from her Mother's house and 12 miles from her Dads, so she chooses to live with us 95% of the time, the arrangement was she goes to each other parent, every other weekend and some of the school holidays, except now she doesn't want to, her friends are local and it's not a great home life at her Mums, her Dad takes her on holidays and out some weekends, if she decides she wants to go, that is, she's 13, Mr Fruit and myself are on state pension she eats like it's going out of fashion, there's washing, electricity for baths etc etc how much should her parents be helping out financially 

[davebro3]

Tot up your weekly household/food bills & work on a proportion. As she's with you a lot but not the whole time maybe a fifth or a quarter?

[davebro3]

who gets the child allowance?

[fruitsalad]

The Mother she has a younger child as well

[barry1010]

£25.60 is the current rate of child benefit for one child, that should be your minimum starting point.

Who buys her clothes, toiletries, pays for her haircuts and school trips etc?

[fruitsalad]

We do, her Dad gives us £50 a week the Mum nothing, he helps towards, school trips, he buys her some clothes we buy some clothes we pay for the haircuts 

[jourdain2]

I think the Mum should be giving you the majority of her child allowance. Say £20 per week to allow for the weekends when she has her.

[Maydup]

Well done Fruit for providing love and stability for your GD. 

Start by asking fir the child allowance from her mother and maybe increase what your son gives you by £10 per week assuming it hasn't gone up in a while.

[jno]

is there some sort of court order in place saying the mother has to have her?

I think I've said this before but grandparents shouldn't have to spend a penny on grandchildren; it's kind and decent of you to do so but providing for them is the parents' responsibility, and they should be paying all her expenses.

[barry1010]

Does she bring her friends round? My children and their friends were like locusts in the kitchen. It gets expensive 

[fruitsalad]

No court order in place jno and yes barry she has one particular friend round, not so often now, but her friends Mum takes them, out occasionally for a mcd's 

[Prudie]

I'd start by contacting HMRC about the child benefit. The mother is receiving it fraudulently for 2 children when she is not the main carer of one of them.

I see more and more of grandparents being used or even taken for mugs by their own offspring expecting them to look after children either for not enough money or a ridiculous number of hours.

 

[barry1010]

Child benefit fraud should be reported to DWP, not HMRC, but I wouldn't recommend it, the repercussions for your family especially your granddaughter could cause more trouble.

Prudie, many grandparents love looking after their grandchildren and having so much involvement in their lives. We'd prefer our grandchildren to spend time with us than childminders.

[Cloverjo]

The mother should definitely be giving you the Child Benefit at the very least. You need to explain to her that while you love having your granddaughter living with you, you need help with food bills. 

It's not feasible for a pension for two adults to also cover the costs of a teenage girl. 

[fruitsalad]

Yes thats the reason, I haven't ask for it or reported it, incase it rocks the boat, and I know my Grandaughter really doesn't like going back there, even on the rare occasions that she does, but even for a day or two it gives me a little break also, I know if I completed a pension credit form, to see if we would be entitled it does say, about having a child living with you, but again they would contact the mother about the child benefit, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment, trying to do what's best for my Grandaughter.

[barry1010]

And of course grandparents have no rights.  If there was a fallout the mother could stop all contact between you and your granddaughter and it would be an expensive battle if you wanted to challenge her.

My advice is be honest with your son.  Tell him you are struggling financially and ask him to tell his ex to pay you towards her upkeep.  

[barry1010]

You would get £76.79 a week extra pension credit if your granddaughter lived with you full time, plus child benefit.  Tell your son that and ask him if you should claim it.  It might make him take notice

[Prudie]

And Barry I absolutely knew you would be the first to flag wave and say you all just do it for love. Then why not tell fruitsalad to do the same? I have seen my own brother and his wife have their whole life taken over by this and a close neighbour, nearly 70, has made herself ill by looking after 2 unruly toddlers 5 days a week.

I also checked repeatedly before I posted and everything on Google came up with HMRC for child benefit. I still can't find where it says DWP so apologies but you know best. I can't find the right link.

[barry1010]

I never said do it all for love.  If a grandparent wants to help out and can afford to, do it for love.  If they want to help out and can't afford to, they should ask for money.

If they don't want to, they should say no.  

If you read my posts you will see that I have advised fruitsalad to ask for more money.   You are reading things that aren't there.

[fruitsalad]

I think I will go down the pension credit route, just to see if we are entitled to anything, Im not sure, if it will be that much, barry as Son pays £50 a week, they will probably take that off, anything we might be entitled to, but I have nothing to lose on the financial front.

[barry1010]

Be careful about mentioning the £50 a week your son gives you - might they look at it as undeclared income?