Peoples Boundaries / Limits in Relationships

[salisbury]

I was just wondering what other people put up with in relationships? The thing is i was with my ex girlfriend for a few years.....

We had bad arguments but it never really got that out of control. I just feel humiliated and my pride is damaged....

After we split, she started seeing an ex boyfriend........ but she has recently been in contact with me and giving off vibes that she misses me and wants me back.

Although she has been brutally honest with me, which has made me think twice about wether i would actually WANT to go back to her.

We split up because I had doubts about her ex and about a guy at her work (which i now find out i was right about both)

Her argument is that nothing happened with either of them until we split up and that if i hadnt gone on about it so much, she wouldnt have even gone there. She kissed the guy at work, but the thing with her ex is a bit more serious (they are kind of together now)......

Anyway, the thought of her havin s3x with her ex and then coming back to me makes my stomach turn a bit and also the fact she kissed the giuy at work (whos a lot older than her, but she was sober if she didnt like him surely she wudnt have kissed him?) She said she felt pressured into the one at work as he was so forward.

I suppose the question im asking really is how far does fforgive and forget go??? Its not as if she has beaten me up or had a string of men behind my back ? Ive heard of many stories of worse relationships, like domestic violence for example.

It just makes me think if shes done it once she ill do it again, and as much as id like to forget the past and move on, i will always remember that she left me and slept with another guy

Opinons please

[purpose]

I don't feel you should do the comparison thing. Of course there are others in 'worse' situations, but they are not you. You have to think about what's relevant to YOU.

Do not try to convince yourself that if other people manage to forgive/forget after perhaps 'bigger' upsets that that is necessarily what you should do.

I think you should go with your instinct - whatever that is.

I'm hoping that you will steer clear as she does not sound like the sort of person who would be overly reliable in the long-term relationship department!

Best of luck :0)

[salisbury]

Thats whats weird though, for the years we were together she never really even looked at other men let alone do anything with them....

Maybe I pushed her too far? She finished it because she said i didnt trust her and that she couldnt take the constant accusations.

She was / is trustworthy, but even now, im thinking.....hang on, if shes phoning me while shes with this new guy, she cant be very trustworthy (she keeps saying she cant bear the thought of never seeing me or speaking to me again)

I know if the boot was on the other foot, the man would be gettin slaughtered..........some of my family have said dont take her back, but thats mostly the macho men saying that.

The weird thing also is that it all started when she started working unsociable hours............she would be getting in at funny times and this is when all the accusing started..........

The worrying thing for me though is........ she was introduced to a new social group (workmates) and things went pear shaped for us as a couple........the guy at her work is a right dog and i could see it straight away but she said OH NO HES OK.

so would that hapen everytime she started a new job? lots of male attention and therefore more temptation for her??


Im angry and upset but at the same time i still pine for her, evn thought i feel like a total wimp for feeling like this and wish i had a more macho attitude

[Champagne]

How much you choose to forgive is relative to each individual. Some people are more sensitive than others and some people have different standards. In your case there is a huge trust issue which will adversely affect your relationship with this woman if you take her back. There's nothing worse than a 'small' issue that you try to push to the back of your mind, only to have it eat away at you. It will only make you more insecure.

I'm a firm believer that when you meet your ideal partner you won't go through emotional torment. If the love in your life doesn't bring you true happiness then it's not real love.

[purpose]

"Maybe I pushed her too far?"...

In what way? Were you some kind of obsessive loon who phoned her every 5 mins, made surprise visits to her place of work or who would not 'allow' her to see her friends...?

[salisbury]

no i wasnt obssessive........the only time i started getting het up was when she used to come home telling me this guy kept pestering her to come outside for fags with him and wouldnt leave her alone. i had also seen him in action first hand so had a good idea what he was like.


I guess i did accuse her, but ill never know if i was right or not will i?? and to make matters worse, she kissed him sober AT WORK after we finished, she said her mate pressured her into it.

Everyone at her work is being off with her now aswell, she reckons its because this gguy wanted a relationship with her but she said no ...........is she telling thee truth though?

Her story is they kissed but she didnt like him enough for a relationship, so she got back with her ex and now everybody at her work is treating her like a leper

[purpose]

Don't go back there!

Everything you have said is SCREAMING the obvious.

Leave the situation with your dignity intact.

[salisbury]

pupose...........what is the obvious screaming at me then????


she just foned me up saying she has quit her job because everybody was s1agging her off, and i said why arent u telling ur boyfriend this instead of me


she said her bf had told her not to qit and refused to give her a lift home so now shes in the mmiddle of nowhere with no lift home and no job