My sister

[pitstopbunny]

I thought I'd post my dilemma here to see what others think. I am 38 and my sister is 32, we have got on well for most of our lives but during the past year or so it's all changed. I now find she makes me feel very uncomfortable around her and scared to say anything that may upset her, despite what I may feel or think. She has a foul temper and I am the exact opposite. My father and step mum are splitting up - all very friendly, but my sister now has a vendetta agianst my step mum. I asked dad if things were ok and he said that my step mum had been totally blanked by my sister. I told him not to be surprised by this. He asked my sister in front of me what the problem was and she accused me of stabbing her in the back. This is just one example. I'm not sure what to do about her. I am not aasertive at all and she realy makes me feel uncomfortable ....to make it worse it was my birthday yesterday and she really upset me over this. Tomorrow dad is moving and I'm not sure whether to go and help out, risking my sister' wrath, which certainly wont help with the house move. I have looked at this and all I can say that is she wasn't my sister, I would never choose her as a friend, am I wrong to feel like this about her?

[Imp y Celyn]

i don't think so really. but maybe you need to be more assertive and sort things out with her if you want to remain in touch.

i think that she has issues, and it is clearly easier for her to take it out on the female members of the family. I suspect this might go back a long way but if you keep accepting it then it will never stop. I have 2 sisters who have not spoken properly for about 18 years and we are a BIG family so it is not unusual. i wish you well, but you shouldn't really have to put up with being treated like this. i think being nasty to you and your step mum is just easy for your sister, rather than face up to her own faults she will blame others. sorry about that, but good luck.

[888sally888]

First off, you sound a nice caring honest person and dont let anyone make you change that. I recently had a friend who laid into me and I got extremely upset. I then stopped crying and put my logical head on and thought about it properly. I realised that it wasnt my problem (as it isnt yours) as she (and your sister) have upset a number of good people. I can only think she has some problem with her own self esteem and takes it out on you 'cos she knows she can'. You have done nothing wrong and definitely think you should be there to support your dad when he moves (and continue to be there for your step mum too if you so chose). If she has a go just calmly say that you did what you wanted and what was right for you. And remember you cant chose your family and just because they are your family doesnt mean you have to like them or be treated badly. I wish you lots of luck x

[pitstopbunny]

thanks for that. Mum died 10 years ago and my sister seems to blame everything in her life on that, although she had counselling etc and i think she uses it as an excuse.

[Ms.Hijinx]

Not at all if you wouldn't choose her as a friend don't be her friend i'm quite a lairy cow so i'd have to let rip and tell her what i thought of her but if that's not for you then be civil and leave it at that doubtless she will miss you before you miss her good luck

[raysparx]

Why should you feel guilty? you can't pick you family, she needs to grow up,we can all make excuses for how we behave, just get along with your dad and if you get along with step mum continue along those lines,it is her with the chip on her shoulder, ignore her,

I haven't spoken to my brother for 9 years after he crapped on my mum and dad, sadly both now gone, he didn't even come to the funeral, as they say "nowt so queer as folk" good luck,take care and don't worry,

you may not be asssertive but you are normal,,,, I would have to smack her in the earhole, but each to his own, Ray

[electricblue]

You can choose your friends but you cant choose your family,i reckon shes jealous of ya,but anyway she cant go through life blaming it on her past,sometime she'll have to take some responsibility for herself,carry on how you are,the only problem i see here is your sister,whos gonna end up billy-no-mates,at this rate!!!dont let her bring you down!!

[SCHUMI]

my parents split up when i was very young.the woman who give birth to me took my little sister and i stayed with my fabulous dad. my sister was turned against me and for 12 years we didn't speak.i reconcilled with her two years ago and although i am pleased to have her back in my life i am extremely wary of her.you go and help your dad and if your sister takes the pet i just want to reassure you that you will cope and your sister will come back into the fold eventually.you are not wrong to feel like this and don't blame yourself.as for the step mum i have one too and can't abide her but she has made my dad very happy and treated him like a man and an equal unlike the last pathetic creature and i respect her for that as does my sister so don't be feeling guilty if you remain in contact with her.