Living with my boyfriend

[lizwiz]

Just written he biggest post ever, only for it to disappear! ARGH!
Anyway...
I'd like some advice on how to go about getting my boyfriend interested in moving in with me.
I moved to a university to be closer to where my boyfriend lives after a year at a uni closer to home. He lives with his mother who is divorced but has a partner, and he's an only child. They are both very independent, she isn't very old and is busy a lot and hes always out, he drives and stays at my house alot of nights a week too.
Whenever I ask him about us two living together, he'll say he's not ready or he doesn't want to leave his mum on her own (she won't be) or some other way of telling me he doesn't want to just yet.
I understand its a big decision to live with someone, but I'd just like some advice on how to bring him round to the idea of moving in together in about 2 years when I've finished university.
He's 27 which I think is quite old to still be living at home and not being able to cook, clean, wash or iron for himself...
I can't see myself staying with him if he isn't prepared to move out of home in a few years time, I don't want to have to have a long distance relationship all over again by me moving back home (an hour and a half away) after university has finished.

Anyway, I hope I don't come across as a horrible girlfriend who is trying to force or trick her boyfriend into living with her! I'd just like some advice on how to bring him around to the idea of eventually moving out of home.

[jno]

he's 27?? Hmmm. It is not unknown for mothers to spoil their little boys rotten, well into their 90s if possible, so they see no reason to leave. This may have advantages for both of them, but very few for prospective girlfriends. It also means that when they do go it will only be because they see the prospect of continuing to be spoilt forever by someone younger (ie same situation but with sex), which is also a disincentive for many young women.

Basically I would say 'Ask him'. But you have and he's said no. I'm honestly not sure that, in your position, I'd try this much longer. Your life seems to have been hold quite a while. And I'm afraid you're going to end up with a mummy's boy

[lizwiz]

thing is though, he's not very spoilt (despite being an only child) and although he's close to his mum, he isn't really treated like a mummy's boy.
I think he just likes his life as it is and doesn't like the idea of a big upheaval :(

[lizwiz]

By the way, I'm not trying to make excuses for him here I will tell him to ****** off if he hasn't made a commitment closer to the time of my leaving uni :P

[jno]

fair enough liz... just that I suspect it's going to be up to you to make the decision because I wouldn't bet he's ever going to be ready to; 27 is already quite old! Obviously there can be financial constraints on finding a home of your own, and perhaps that's part of his problem? But really, the main thing is that he should want to leave... and he doesn't.

[lorraine29]

looking at it from the opposite point of view, I am 37, divorced with 3 kids, my bf of nearly 2 years is 35 and still lives with his parents.
He makes me feel totally loved, but nice to have the freedom to come and go as i please, no one to answer to, I agree if i'm going out with friends I let him know but don't have to check if it's convenient for him, I decide what I want to watch on tv. I rarely cook for us as he tends to take me out, as financially he is much better off living at home with his parents than he would be moving out.
I have often said since my divorce I would find it hard to live with someone again and this really does seem to be the perfect solution.

[claireyfairy]

can I play devils advocate here for a second. With the greatest of respect to you honey and I'm not casting your relationship in doubt here either but maybe he jsut doesn't want to live with you. I wouldn't be without my fella but right now I can't think of anything worse than the idea of living with him!

[chicklin]

If he's not ready - then he's not ready! You've said your bit, he knows you'd be happy to live with him so now you should just leave him to decide what he wants to do. Just because we are going out with someone, or are even married to them, doesn't mean we own them - or vice versa. If he decides against it, then I suppose you have to think if you still want to be with him regardless or not.
If he's still at home at 27 then perhaps his mum is making it too comfortable for him?! No wonder he's still there! Everything done for him, no responsibilities! He's onto a winner!

[littleone85]

How long have you been together with your boyfriend? If its a relatively short time that might explain it.
You've said that you've already suggested living together so you've put the idea 'out there', just give him some time to come round and try discussing why he really doesn't want to yet (his mum being alone, when she obviously wouldn't be sounds like an excuse, but he may have some valid worries about making that next step) that said if he still doesn't want to move in together when you leave uni, that is more problematic but don't worry about that now, deal with the future when it comes

[lizzydrippin]

The last sentence of littleone85s answer is so very true! Why on earth would you be worrying now about something thats not even going to happen for more than 2yrs anyway?
All of the talking about it, making committments about it and discussing all the why's where's and what fors about it could be a complete waste of time if the relationship doesnt last that long (youve been together for a relatively short time). Relax and cross bridges when you come to them.

[lizwiz]

I'm worrying about it because my hometown is an hour and half away from where he lives. If I don't live with him after I finish uni then I will have to move back home and we'll be back having a long distance relationship all over again!
Thanks for all of these answers, I think the general advice has been to give him some time etc.
I do agree that this is a long time away from now, I just posted this because it was all running through my mind and was just browsing and decided to post. It isn't a question waiting for urget answers!
We had a big talk the other night about some other things, and the issue of him committing himself more to our relationship came about. He says he's been thinking that living together would be great and he thinks he's ready to start making plans to move out of home.
Engagement was also mentioned which was a very big surprise and something to think about in the future!
I guess in the end it's sorted itself out and I've learnt something new about my boyfriend. Once again thanks for all the answers, as I said before it was just a spur of the moment posting not something that I was needing urgent advice on :)