What should i say ?

[beerbelly]

My daughter was adopted when she was 3 years old , and I have not seen her since . She is now 23 , and trying to find myself and her mother .( we have been divorced for many years ).
I found her plea on the internet , and sent her an E-Mail , but really dont know what to say to her when, or if ,she replies .

I still think of her as my 3 year old daughter , who can do no wrong .

[redhead23]

just answer her questions and be honest , it will be difficult for you both

[HeathRa]

You are an important link in who she is, because you gave her life. But her adoptive family is her mom and dad.

Be prepared to tell her about your family tree, have a medical history ready for her, and be prepared for the hardest question: "Why did you give me up?"

I wish you lots of good luck. It's not going to be an easy reunion, if it takes place. And she's not going to be anything like the little girl you said goodbye to 20 years ago.

[redhead23]

by the way , im sure she will reply as she is desperate to find you if she made a plea on the net , you will be fine at least u have email at first and can progress to phone and meetings later xx

[janetsflower]

Being an adopted girl myself i can only say how i felt when i was looking for my birth parents and it was something i needed to do my whole life and took a long time. I am sure she has an overwhelming need to know WHY and a strong curiosity about you and her mother. She has the right to know her background and if anything thats all that you owe her. Its doubtful she is expecting you to make up for all the lost years and to uddenly become her dad. She has family and i personally wouldn't dream of letting my birth parents get too close. I have met them both, and we stay in touch and yes we meet up ever so occassionally but they are more friends than family and once my questions were answered i felt more complete and able to move on from an unknown background that had haunted me for years. I wish you all the very best, but don't expect too much from her. Personally i think you owe her an explanation but its still your right as to what you divulge. Good luck and do let us know how you get on

[Pippa68]

I never knew my biological father, as he and my mother divorced when I was 2 years old. My mother moved and married again, and my stepfather adopted me when I was 5 years old so he is my dad.

I met my birth father last year, and to be honest it is hard for both of us as A) He has a hard time dealing with the fact I am no longer 2 years old and B) I don't know him as my dad!

We are close, and I hope we move along from his rantings about my 'b1tch of a mother' but it is a hard slog..the other posters have given excellent advice ~ when you do meet, try to see her as she is, not as a child..and answer any questions she has as honestly as possible.

I wish you all the luck in the world x

[Cypruslover]

I know it's not the same ting, but last year I made contact with my adopted sister... she's the middle one of 3 sisters... I'm the youngest, my adopted sister is the middle one.... we started off by Social services... thewn ontl letters, then texts... then speaking over the phone! We have since met up many times.... and also with my oldest sister and our mother ........ thanbkfully things are going well for us... couldn't be any better.... hope all turns out OK for you... just take it easy, and dont be too "full on" with the correspondence in the beginning...... fingers crossed it all works out for you both xx