grandparents rights

[sad nan]

my daughter-in-law, has suddenly stopped all access even by telephone to my 5 yr old gradaughter, with whom i have a very close relationship, she used to ring me 4/5 times a day. this is making me ill, and i am very concerned about the affect it is having on my grandaughter. can i do anything?

[treborrobert]

you nead to carm down it will do u no good geting upset.. as for the e.mail give it time ok .. i am sure it was a nice e.mail ... so just give it a few days then email again to ask how is things and say its your last email till you hear from them.... if nothing happens then see a 3rd party for advice .. if it was me i would have realy shouted at them both face to face and i wouldnt take NO ! for a answer...

and i am sure your other sons and daughters r going mad coz you are upset.. but i bet you hide it from them ?

lets get one thing straight hear ok . you have made the first move by contact them.

so dont get upset .. they carnt say you have never contacted them can they ?

[treborrobert]

carm down okno point geting upset . you have made the first move.. i told you to get incontact so that if you do go to a 3rd party for help you can say you contacted them but no reply.. so give it a few days if you hear nothing send anouther one to say you realy nead to sort things out and that it is your last email till you hear from them so give it a week or 2 . then go to a 3rd party. i can tell you love your grandaughter very mutch . but you are no good to hear in a reck r u ? so leave it 2-3 days then email again then leave it 2-3 weeks before going to a 3rd party.. and print out your emails for your advicer so he can see you have tryed to contact them .. everything you do from now on do copys ok.. please let us now how you get on .. i hope and prey everything will be ok

[Suetheramble]

I cant believe your son can be so wet as to be told to act in such a malice way. I would have a real go at him and tell him to put the child in the car drive round and see you, if DIL doesnt like it he should tell her to ****** off. Blood is thicker than water and although it would be hard the first few times it would get easier and she would have more respect for him and his feelings - you sound far to nice!
I do not get on with all my other side relations but my husband is free to take my daughter to see them whenever he wants with my blessing but doesn't expect me to go it is up to him.

[sad nan]

thanks treborrowbert and sue, i received a e mail from d i l 2 days ago, and was like a dog with 2 tails. she said " give me one good reason why i should let you speak to N. " i answered, "cos i love her and she loves me and this is driving me crazy , not seeing her"
i was so suprised she answered at all, and even more suprised she had not said a flat NO.
well !!!!!!! she didn't reply yesterday, and i just got mail saying, why you mailing me, ? text your son. she is still playing mind games, i know her so well. she has obviously told him and warned him, but i will text him. not holding my breath though

[treborrobert]

wish i seen her face to face !!!!!!! who the hell she think she is ask "give me one good reason why she should let you see your grandaughter !! "i hope you kept the email print it out and save it... this is all good news for you when you see an advicer ... and tell your son to come round your house and talk....and well said sue ; } if he was my son i would have ript him apart and told him just what i thought of him... he is messing up his life with a control freak ! and he comes from a large family.. throws it all away for that ( witch )...i feel sorry for the grandaughter she will control her like she controls her dad ... but these emails are her downfall ... and i would have put the question back ... give me one good reason why not ???????? love for her to reply to that one ... so ask your son why can i not see my grandaughter ? and why was it stopet ? .. you nead the answer to that anyway DONT YOU ..

Under UK unless someone has parental rights then they do not have rights of access, usually parental rights are limited to those persons found on the birth certificate, i.e. mum and dad!

In exceptional circumstances the courts will allow access to grandparents, but this has to be shown to be in the best interests of the children, and their parent(s) views are taken into account. If the children are over 10 then the courts do consider the child's views but vary the weight attached to this due to coercion by parents etc!

So generally the answer is NO grandparents have no rights whatsoever, but the courts can grant such rights! Be warned this is not easy, although someone above says it is as a Lawyer I must warn you this is not cheap and in 90% of cases leads to failure!

Source(s):
Lawyer of 6 yrs experience and holding 3 post grad law degrees plus the under grad LL.B (Hons)!

[treborrobert]

hope the note ive left helps you i just typed .. granparents rights uk ... on google and the above come up... see i told u sort it out yourself and be strong ok... the laws ob there side

[patsyquinn]

Sad nan - I'm a nan too and I have a potentially difficult daughter-in-law. I say 'potentially' as I realised there could be trouble between us if I allowed it. I realised that I'm the older woman and I should fall back on my life experience to decide how to proceed. My decision was to step away from their family and give my daughter-in-law the power to decide on our relationship. I NEVER criticise her to my son. Patience has paid off and things have improved massively.

Firstly - do you ever speak to your son? What does he say?
Secondly - when a son marries you lose him, his wife becomes far more important than you and you should let him go. If he's chosen a bad wife then just be in the background to support him if it goes wrong.

You have enough to think of at the moment with your husband's illness, you also have many grandchildren - why is this grandchild so important?

You must let them go and come back to you when they're ready. As already said - your grand-daughter will find you in time if she wants to.
Take some time away from this and concentrate on your husband and your marriage.

[sad nan]

thank you all, but everything, everybody has been so kind to advise on, i have already tried, as for me being the adult, there is a only a couple of years between my age and hers.
I just knew she was playing mind games, when she didn't say NO immediately, she mailed daily, saying nothing in particular, then mailed me on fri, to say she cannot be bothered any more, so no i cannot have contact .
TREBORROWBERT
thank you so much, for all your common sense answers, and yes i have kept ALL of the e mails from the past few months, i know i cannot go into all the details here, and i wouldn't want to anyhow, but just to give you an idea of the sort of person she is, here is a little story.
last sept, when my husband was in hospital with cancer, i had to move to a bungalow as he cannot climb the stairs of our house, i did this between daily visits of 100 mile round trip to the hospital, plus trying to hold down my job as a carer, look after my dogs etc etc etc. d i l's son moved my furniture, and i gave her �350 cheque to give to her son for his help. she gave him �50 he believes this is all i paid, you see, it is not only me, she is a witch to everyone, but she is clever enough to make it look as though it is everybody else. i could write a book, but i have made up my mind, enough is enough, my husband is very poorly at the moment, and i have wasted enough of my life on this woman.

[treborrobert]

well patsyquinn i think that tells you what she is upagainst..personaly i think she is in a no win situation.. and i feel for her... as for why is she so close to her grandaughter more ... you tend to connect to a child that you feel is under a lot of presure and missing out ...the grandaughter is very close to her granmother and it as ended .. because of a self centered spoiled uncare excuse of a mother... as for her son.. he has a lot to answer for to let it get this bad !!!!.. he is aware of his fathers and mothers ill health and he lets this happen ?..close a;; contact will that witch and open contact with your son... phone him at work or his mobile egc...get him to come round to your home ALONE ..and ask him what the hell is going on and why has he let her do all this to you and your grandaughter ... i bet he is not awaire she is even talking to you in the way she is .. show him the email let him see what you are upagainst... and if he says he knows ... then tell him to get out off the door and out of your life !!!!!!,,, as there is nothing more you can do !!!.. but i bet he will be shocket at the way she has treated you

[upset-nana]

Hello sadnan,
I know excatly how you feel right now as Im also find myself in the same situation.
Have you had any news since you emailed your grand childs mum?

[sad nan]

hallo sad nan.
no nothing, not even a birthday card for my husband.
I intend to go to the school next week to take my grand daughter's birthday present.
hope your situation works out better. good luck

[blueblueeyes]

Hi sad nan I have had similar problems as you. My son has a child with 2 different women and both have caused me problems.I thinks both were jealous of my close relationship with my son and the one he is with now has tried to cause separation with my son. Thankfully Iam still seeing him but our relationship is still abit strained. I would advise you to get close to your son again which would encourage him to allow access to your granddaughter . Hope this helps. Goodluck!