in a rut

[lady jane]

please give me some ideas how to make my marriage work.. been together 33yrs, now children grown , we just cant seem to start doing things together, all we know is him working , and me always home , but thats not enough anymore , thanks ,

[radiogaga]

talk to your husband, you have noticed your both in a rut, has he?, 33 years together is an acheivement, maybe you both have become immersed in your way of life.

[jane1098]

could you both find something you have in common now the children have grown up. have you any pets? i think sitting down and talking with your husband and letting him know how you feel would be the first thing you need to work on. find how he feels too.

[Carakeel]

Can you think of somewhere you both spent time when you were at your happiest? Perhaps somewhere you used to visit when you were dating and very much in love? Then make a plan to go there with him and try to rekindle those memories. Sometimes people just forget how close and loving they once were. Take the initiative, sit him down and tell him how you feel, that you would like to make an effort to freshen up your feelings / love for each other. A short break somewhere romantic might help kick things off again. Perhaps there is a hobby he would like to take up that you could join in? Go to a concert together. If you used to go to see a certain type of concert, try to get tickets for a similar one. Sometimes we just need reminding of how lucky we are to have someone special in our lives and bringing back memories of past good times can help. If you yourself are feeling in a rut, try changing how you look, as this can also change how you are feeling about yourself. A new hair colour etc., a pampering session at a beauty salon can work wonders. If you can afford it, perhaps you can book the two of you into a spa for a long weekend or longer even. You can each go and have some great treatments, feel refreshed and in the evenings have a nice meal together. It is up to you to make the start. Be courageous and go for it! You have put 33 years into your relationship, of which you can be very proud, so it is well worth every effort to keep it going. Best wishes to you both! :o)

[WendyS]

Perhaps one of the answers is in your own comment "Me always home". I do think couples need some space of their own and some of their own activities and interests so that they have something interesting to talk about with their partner. So why not start by trying to rejeuvenate your own life first , perhaps with starting an interesting new evening class, such as learning a new language, a keep fit class, or something along those lines. It's easy to get into a rut and possibly if you start digging your own way out your husband will begin to realise that life has a little more to offer other than just work, and start joining you in some of these activities. Your local library may have a list of local societies you might like to join, and also there are always charitable organisations who are looking for voluntary help of all kinds. Just getting out and being with a different group of people may help provide the stimulation you need, even if you're not getting it with your husband. As couples grow older, there will always come a time when one of them is sadly left alone after the first person dies. It is often very difficult then to try and and start forging new links and friendships so start now so that if ever you find yourself in this position you already some social networks to help support you. Men are not always very good for taking the initiative in such matters so take responsbility for yourself and your huband may well start to follow your lead.