Can't take any more bad news!

[yinyang]

Sorry to come on and moan. just feeling a bit low and don't want to keep bothering my friends.
Last week we found out that my dad's brain damage had been caused by a stroke ( even though he'd been admitted and released from hospital twice and told it wasn't a stroke) and so there is nothing they can do for the vision problems and confusion. Thay also said that the cancer is spreading and he can't have anymore chemo. Since then dad has been very sleepy and his skin has taken on a yellow hue suggesting liver problems. Yesterday he started to get pains in his legs and his toes started to turn very dark. The doctor said basically his circulation isn't strong enough to carry his blood around his body anymore and it may be the first stages of his body starting to shut down.
Then this morning, my mum got a phone call to say that my dad's mum passed away last night. She lived way up in the outer hebrides and we never saw much of her; she had severe dementia the last few years but still..
This means since december we've lost my dad's oldest closest friend who died while his wife was watching their young daughter's nativity play, my uncle and my dear grandfather; both from cancer; my husband's workmate and friend who was only in his early forties and had a baby daughter and now my gran. Mum has never asked the doctor how long they think my dad has left, they agreed they wouldn't but he is just in such a bad way.
So, any tips on how to avoid total insanity while experiencing a year like this because i really don't know how much more my family can take!

[lorla]

Wow and I was sitting here thinking I was having a bad day. So sorry for all of your goings on - that's an awful lot for one person to take on. I don't think I have any words of wisdom other than to keep venting your worries and thoughts, better out than bottled in. Be there for each other and rest assured things will get better in time. xx

[Ice-Maiden]

I was very sorry to read all this. I hope you can gain some support from family and friends. Eventually I hope that you begin to feel more optimistic. If you find that depressing thoughts don't leave you, it might be worth having a word with your doctor. Failing all else, there's always AB if you want to get things off your chest. There ARE some nice helpful people on here - so I wish you the best of luck.

[yinyang]

Thank you, lorla and Ice- Maiden. I am ok most of the time, just during the day I'm in the house on my own.
We've proved to be a very strong family this year and I would be lost without my wonderful husband. It's just a hell of a lot for one year and sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed.
I know there are lots of good people on here, it can be a very supportive place to come. x

[liverboys]

yinyang, Sometimes life can be so desperately cruel, to the point where you really feel that you personally have been singled out. When my husband and I were only married 3 mths his mother died quite unexpectedly. She had had a lung condition but we were never lead to believe it could end her life so quickly. Days after her funeral, I discovered I was pregnant and the fact that we couldn't share that news with her, broke my husband's heart. I went on to have a healthy baby, but we still missed her. Sadly when my son was only 3 mths old, my gran passed away. It was expected but that didn't help or make it any easier. The biggest shock of all was that only a matter of weeks after that, my dad, a vibrant, life-loving man, had a massive coronary and died in my mothers arms. I can't describe the utter despair I felt. Like you though, my husband was and is my rock, and I thank God every day for him. He saw me through some very dark days, and even now, just knows to look at me, that I am having a bad day. I can only say that time isn't necessarily a great healer, but it does allow you to come to terms with some dreadful events and start to see the good things in life again. Your family will be your greatest comfort as they are all going through this with you, as will your husband. You will come through this all, you will feel battered, and overwhelmed at times and people will tell you to be strong (and you will want to plaster a wall with them!) but sometimes if you have a damn good cry and then get a hug of your husband, you can start to see good things again.Sorry for rambling on, but my heart goes out to you, and I will say a wee prayer for you. Take Care.xx

[cruella]

Hi yingyang,
I am so sorry to hear that things are not getting any better for your family.
I know just how you feel. The only way to handle this situation, is a day at a time.
Take each problem as it comes along, deal with it, scream, shout or cry, then get on with your life as best you can.
Thinking of you. x

[yinyang]

liverboys, thank you for your answer and I'm sorry to hear your family went through such a tough time too. I know we'll get through this but I feel so sorry for my daughters, they're only five and still cry over the loss of their papa back in may; I don't know what I'm going to tell them when my dad's time comes.
My husband is wonderful but sometimes I just feel like he gets whatevers left of me at the end of the day so I try do to special things, even if it's only small like baking his favourite biscuits; to let him know how much I appreciate him.
Cruella, thank you too for your kind words, I know you have your own troubles. How is your husband doing at the moment? x

[smudge]

Hi yingyang - so sorry to hear about your Dad's illness, your Nan's passing & all the other people you've mentioned - very sad.

I really do feel for you, your Mum & family, but try to deal with everything in bite size pieces....easier said than done I know, but having been there myself, it can make things a little easier.

Thinking of you. -xx-

[cruella]

Not good yingyang.
Starts chemotherapy on Tuesday.
Still like I said, a day at a time!
Thanks for asking. I appreciate it! x

[yinyang]

Thank you smudge, always nice to hear from you. Hope your family are well. x
The whole family seems to be living by the motto ' wait and see what tomorrow brings' at the moment. All you can do is try and handle things as they happen.

Sorry to hear that,cruella. I hope the chemo goes smoothly - I know it can be tough going.
Keep in touch through AB, let me know how you're both getting on. x

[VillageVicar]

Good evening Yinyang

I was immediately touched by your words. So many of us are tested to our limits with sorrows and losses that we sometimes wonder whether we will ever survive.
Our lives dramatically changed as a result of the events of September 11th. I was on an American Airlines flight that day, heading into New York. By a bizarre series of events, I actually ended up learning what was happening even before the pilots. Not only did those events had a profound impact upon my fellow passengers, but it caused a series of tragedies within my own family, from which, after all these years, we are still recovering.

May I first address your father�s health: Clearly his condition sounds precarious. But please, never be without hope. Not one of us knows what tomorrow brings. I often remind myself of the fact my father had his Last Rites read over forty years ago when he was diagnosed with cancer. We are not the authors of life and therefore can never write the final chapters.

Continued:

[VillageVicar]

Part 2

From what you have shared, I feel it�s an important time for you to spend time with your father. Talk to him, even when you feel he may not hear you. Talk about times you enjoyed together, what your plans are in the future and most importantly share how much you love him. If you see or feel that your father is suffering and you know him to be a fighter, it may help him, and you for you to tell him that it�s ok to let go. I know this is difficult to accept or even read, but our fear of death will only go away when be begin to accept that dying is as natural as living.

If there is a type of music your father loves, bring a radio into his room and play it softly. If he has a favourite book, by all means, read it to him. Rub his feet, or stroke his hair. He will know you are there.

I believe if you focus on the concept of sharing yourself with those whom you love during this challenging time, you will not only preserve your �sanity,� but you will find a stronger inner peace.

http://bigworldsmallboat.blogspot.com/search?q =when+its+ok+to+let+go

I shall hold you and your family in my thoughts.

Fr Bill

[smudge]

You're welcome yingyang - glad you're taking each day as it comes. We're always here for you. -xx-

Fr Bill - I know your words are for yinyang, but they really touched me. Having lost both my beloved parents & eldest sister, they are words I'd like to have read at the time.

[smudge]

cruella - not sure who is ill in your family, but to let you know I'm thinking of you too. -x-

[cruella]

Do not want to upset yingyangs thread as it is not fair, but thanks for asking smudge.
My Husband has Cancer. Battling it now for four years but nothing to what yingyang is going through as bad as it is with us. Thanks x
As I said to yingyang. look on every day as a bonus as that is we do!

[smudge]

You're welcome cruella. I'm really sorry to hear about your husband & do hope his treatment isn't too uncomfortable for him. Were always here for you too - take care. -xx-

(Apologies yingyang, but it's nice to help each other). -xx-

[VillageVicar]

Smudge: Thank you for your kind words. Just as with Yinyang, my thoughts are with you and with cruella. In our lives, it�s all to easy for us to put off what we need to say today. And when we discover that there are few tomorrows remaining, it becomes so challenging to say what we feel. I hope that each of you, in our own private ways will be able to find peace and Smudge, that you are able to celebrate your memories.

This AB site can be therapeutic for many people, including myself. It allows us to reach out and share with one another. That, in itself, is the beauty of our human condition.

As there is no where else to place it, I�ll offer this brief story for you Smudge. Perhaps Yinyang and cruella will find benefit in it as well.

http://bigworldsmallboat.blogspot.com/2006/03/ falling-in-love-at-clapham-junction.html

I wish you all peace.

+Fr Bill

[yinyang]

Please, smudge and cruella, do not apologise. As you said we are all here to help each other and as we are going through or have been through similar difficult times it can only do us good to share with one another. This is the way I would rather see a thread developing than the petty bickering and name calling that sadly seems to be becoming more common on AB. It's a nice reminder of what this site is really about.

Fr. Bill, thank you so much for your answers. your words gave me a lot of comfort. I have indeed been spending time almost every day with my dad and my mum . We have spoken a lot and I have told him if it gets too much it's ok for him to stop fighting. We have never been a very open family in terms of hugs or telling each other 'I love you' ( a trend my husband and I have broken with our two daughters ) but have our own ways of communicating and there is never any doubt of the love and strength we get from each other.

Thank you again to everybody who responded. x

[hau kola]

oxoxoxo

[pingu97]

I can honestly say you've all had me in tears as i've just read all the posts. I'm so sorry to hear of everyones problem & heartache, i along with everyone have had my fair share and more sometimes.
I find it so heartwarming how supportive everyone is on here.
I hope things get better for u all my love & prayers go out 2 u all xx

[yinyang]

Oh , don't cry pingu - you'll set me off too!

The people on here are wonderful and I really appreciate the support I've been given. x