visitation order is a laugh

[west ham fan]

my son was granted visitation order and P.R.O. this all happened about 10 weeks ago, he was given evry other weekend and midweek visits, but!! his ex (never married) took it apon herself to decide that he could only see the 2 boys,aged 9 and 8 every other sat from 12 -5, and not bring them round to visit me, because 3 weeks ago he visited my house for 15 minuites with them she has now stopped him altogether from seeing them. Previous to this he got himself a solicitor, but after a few weeks he got aletter to say that they had worked for the mother so my son had to get another solicitor he has now got to go through the ordeal of trying to get legal aid then wait for it to go back to court this is going to take another 8 weeks, my question is can she do what she is doing being that it has been before a judge and orders have been made?

[bobbybob]

No she cannot do this. If it has gone through court she must abide by it. My Husband's ex tried the same thing with us. When we consulted our solicitor about it we were told that the judge we saw in court was renowned for jailing ex partners that go against the ruling. She soon agreed to let us see the children. She also wouldn't pass on any relevant information regarding school/doctors etc. If this is the case with your son, make sure he informs school and asks them to pass on any information. My Husband goes to school every 2wks for letters about trips/sports day/parents evening/ shows etc. He is entitled to go to these so make sure he is aware. He can also get all information from their doctor about when they have been and what for.

[mimie]

bobbybob is right. If their has been a defined contact order agreed through the courts, she has to abide by it. However it does take time to go back through the system! The court will take her to task however, and if she continues to be difficult she does risk going to prison.
I hope your son remains determined - as the impact on the kids will be devestating! Also as a grandparent to these children - you are entitled to ask for contact in your own right via the courts - see a solicitor yourself if you wish to see them. Alternatively have your son tie up the defined contact order very tightly - including paternal family members being seen during his contacts if neccesary.

[west ham fan]

thankyou for your replies. He has been to the school and they are sending him any letters regarding their schooling they have actually said they are concerned as to the boys attendance recently, also that the head master has been informed that the boys are moving from the area, but, due to confidentuality he is unable to inform my son of when this will happen but he has told my son when he does know when he will ring and say " Alfie is unwell today" and this will be the information that they are moving. She has also had their name changed and this we know from the judge was against the law as my son was not informed of her intentions. My son will never ever no fight to see those little boys and I for one would not allow him to. As far as visiting me, my sonhas told her solicitor via mediation that if she can offer any reason why they should not be able to visit myself or their paternal uncles he is willing to listen, but as the boys have stayed at my house for weekends and holidays on hundreds of occasions as this is not the first seperation that has happened, on previous splits there was never any questionas to visitation, so why this time she is being so nasty we just do not know. We have been told that my son could take or ask police to attend when he should be seeing them he said he would not do that infront of them but is this so, what he does do is still urn up at the house when he should be having them just so that the boys know that he is trying to see them.

[west ham fan]

I for got to mention that she has got a solicitor so surely the solicitor must know that there are orders in place and how can she not be advicing her of what she is doing is wrong, the law has gone crazy
thanks for reading

[misundrstood]

If i may say our system is probably or seems unfair at times, however i'm sure the best interests of all are, and should be, concidered.
This does take time as the new solicitor has to read and understand and apply for new hearings, they have to understand what has happened previuosly to be able to put the arguement over again.
I am sorry but i hear this in work from 4 other lads and i don't by any means hear it all but that is what i've come to understand .
Their is a lot of frustration out there by this situation but patience not outbursts will win the day. good luck

[888sally888]

Has your son got a new partner only some women resent their children spending time with another woman - just a thought?

[bobbybob]

That is exactly what happened with us. My husband was having the children every weekend no problem. Then she found out he was seeing me and all contact stopped. He didn't see his children for a year while it all went to court and wasn't allowed to telephone. And she was the one who left him for someone else!!

[west ham fan]

Hi, no there is no other woman,he has not got the time, works all the hours he can building up a Limo Co with a partner.He was to go to mediation tomorrow but he received a phone call from her solicitor saying she had cancelled because she is not ready to mediate with him. My son is putting in a form to the courts for a second hearing, he says he cant wait the 8 weeks it will take 4 to get legal aid then the 4 for the hearing so he is going to pay because he wants to see the boys.It is so upsetting to see your child upset and there is nothing I can do to help him apart from being here when he needs to talk.

[pronanny]

Sorry to maybe be a dissenting voice here but are you sure there is no good reason for son's exes behaviour? Moving on the sly seems a bit extreme as does defying a court order. Why did they split in the first place - you say its not the first time?

I only ask because I've been on the other side of the equation with a violent ex partner whose parents believed he could do no wrong, but then when they were around he put on a big act. It took one of the kids, some months later, to put them right on that score and even then they thought I'd put her up to it at first! Just consider the possibility is all I'm saying, okay?

Assuming none of the above applies I can sympathise too. I can tell you that it isn't illegal for a mum to have a child 'known as' a specific name but surname can't be changed on birth certificate if married to the father or, in your case, parental rights have been awarded ,without dad's permission.

As to visits, he is entitled to take kids where he likes on 'his time' whether she agrees or not so there should be no need for specific order to that effect. The onus would be on her to get an order to say he can't go somewhere with them.

I wonder if she would talk to you if you rang or maybe wrote a letter to (kindly) say how hurt you feel and that you don't understand her objection to kids visiting you?

I hope you will let us know how he and you get on anyway, best of luck. Although mine definitely didn't need or want their's I do believe that kids are better off with dads in their lives.

[west ham fan]

Hi pronanny anybody that knows my son would tell you he is the kindest most understanding person even her only relation (sister) ask's why he has put up with her violence toward him and have even questioned me as to why I have welcomed her into my home and family after the way she has treated me and my family, so in answer to your remark he is the wronged partey here and I know she would not entertain anything I have to say. She is doing every thing in her power to hurt my son and myself, she believes that moving will stop us from seeing the boys but she is so wrong, we will never give up on them.She had another man move into the house, he was a drug dealer and when my son found out he reported him to the police, as we did not want the boys around that type of person, the guy got done and she never forgave us for that, all that took place about 7 yrs ago, when the youngest boy was 1yr and the other just over 2. they were seperated for about a year, my son went back to her, the rest is history. We thhink she is doing all this to hurt my son, she dose not realise she hurting the boys more because if she moves to Essex those boys will have no family at all near them, we live in Bucks her sister also lives here and their cousins. I just keep telling my son it will all come right in the end and she will end up a very lonely person, because the boys are already asking her why they cannot come to my house an stay over.