ChatterBank1 min ago
Manipulative 4 year old
My 4 year old is becoming a little madam (we'll have no jokes of 'like mother like daughter'- thank you!). And is doing what I imagine most four year olds do, pushing the boundaries.
However when she gets told off or put on the naughty step, the little madam has worked out that if she bursts into heartbreaking tears and begs for a cuddle, her soft ar$ed mum (me) will relent and cuddle her, thus making a total mockery of whatever it was that made me tell her off in the first place.
Anyone else going through/ been through this? How on earth do you harden your heart to those pleas?
However when she gets told off or put on the naughty step, the little madam has worked out that if she bursts into heartbreaking tears and begs for a cuddle, her soft ar$ed mum (me) will relent and cuddle her, thus making a total mockery of whatever it was that made me tell her off in the first place.
Anyone else going through/ been through this? How on earth do you harden your heart to those pleas?
Answers
1 to 16 of 16
Best Answer
No best answer has yet been selected by B00. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
Oh gawd, already got one of those awkward teen thingys- well actually she's 20 but acts 15 :-(
The thing is the naughty step is the stairs step which is between the kitchen and livingroom, so whichever room I escape to, she just leans forward, opens the relevant door and sobs for a cuddle.
I know that I really do need to toughen up with her, but crikey it's bloody hard, doesn't help when I'm soppy as a sack with her.
The thing is the naughty step is the stairs step which is between the kitchen and livingroom, so whichever room I escape to, she just leans forward, opens the relevant door and sobs for a cuddle.
I know that I really do need to toughen up with her, but crikey it's bloody hard, doesn't help when I'm soppy as a sack with her.
Awww, B00! I think Mini B00 and my niece are pretty much the same age... and the same girl by the sounds of it. :) My sister also has the same problem; L turns on the water works, the quivering bottom lip and says, "Oh, Mummy, please cuddle me!"
A couple of weeks ago, she was being the biggest pain in the bum she has ever been- tantrums galore. The only thing that works (for my sister) is to now completely ignore her, as though she's not even there and walk straight past her. She only acknowledges her again when she's calmed down and quiet (she's got some patience- it once took two hours!). My sister is a big softie, though, so has to really try and sometimes ends up in tears herself. :(
You can do it, B00! :)
A couple of weeks ago, she was being the biggest pain in the bum she has ever been- tantrums galore. The only thing that works (for my sister) is to now completely ignore her, as though she's not even there and walk straight past her. She only acknowledges her again when she's calmed down and quiet (she's got some patience- it once took two hours!). My sister is a big softie, though, so has to really try and sometimes ends up in tears herself. :(
You can do it, B00! :)
ok what i have found to work with my 2 when they were little is santa has his secret camera in the sky and is watching, if she doent be good all her presents will go to other children. also pretend you no santas number if shes being naughty SAY " RIGHT THATS IT IM PHONEING SANTA" IF YOU NO A MALE FRIEND WHO CAN CALL HER AND PRETEND TO BE SANTA AND TELL HER HE IS MONITORING HER BEHAVIOUR IT IS A GREAT WAY TO GET THEM TO BE GOOD
My mum says I'm too hard on her, but I get more cuddles than anyone because she knows I won't put up with any of it. I'm not very tolerant (I sound like a brilliant auntie, don't I?!) and she knows that if she doesn't behave she won't get a treat no matter how sorry she is- I never go back on my word. It does work, though; she hasn't had a tantrum for me in over a year.
Never give in - god I am hard, but I am afraid that crocodile tears don't do anything for me. Crying or talking while on the step earns them an extra minute on the step in my house!
I remember my late mother in law saying that someone had asked her how she could punish my husbands brother when he was little as he had the most beautiful eyes and would turn on the sad puppy look. Her response was that she just shut her eyes and didn't look at him!
So the moral is, buy some ear plugs and ignore the tears.
I remember my late mother in law saying that someone had asked her how she could punish my husbands brother when he was little as he had the most beautiful eyes and would turn on the sad puppy look. Her response was that she just shut her eyes and didn't look at him!
So the moral is, buy some ear plugs and ignore the tears.
This is the website that you want in the christmas countdown - you need to check it out on Christmas Eve for the footage of Santa flying past all the worlds famous places and you can chase the kids to bed when he gets to Europe!
http://www.noradsanta.org/en/home.html
http://www.noradsanta.org/en/home.html
All children push the boundaries, that's part of their natural development, and you as a parent need to set and enforce those boundaries.
What your little girl is getting now is mixed messsages, which are provided to assauge your guilt, not to ensure she knows who is who around trhe house.
All she has learned thus far is that she can manipulate you, and she will, and it will only get worse.
So, you need to establish some rules.
Sit her down calmly and tell her she has to obey some rules, just like she does at school (and she will believe me!)
Describe your sanctions - naughty step, toys removed for a day, staying in room etc., and STICK TO THEM!
Of course she will cry - that is her button to press to get her own way, but no child ever died of crying.
She MUST learn that you mean what you say, and that punishments will be enforced, otherwise she will never learn appropriate social interaction.
Once she knows that you will not budge, she won;t push it as far. It will take a few goes, but the message will go on eventually, and she will stop before the punishment comes in - because she knows beyond doubt that it will.
You have to be tough and not give in, because to give in is not loving her, it just feels like it is, but it's a false feeling, and you will both regret it further down the line.
Children need and respond to boundaries, it makes them feel secure. Put the lines in place, ensure she doesn;t cross them, and you will both be happier with each other.
I have three daughters, all grown up now, and I do know how hard it is, but it has to be done.
Toughen up!
What your little girl is getting now is mixed messsages, which are provided to assauge your guilt, not to ensure she knows who is who around trhe house.
All she has learned thus far is that she can manipulate you, and she will, and it will only get worse.
So, you need to establish some rules.
Sit her down calmly and tell her she has to obey some rules, just like she does at school (and she will believe me!)
Describe your sanctions - naughty step, toys removed for a day, staying in room etc., and STICK TO THEM!
Of course she will cry - that is her button to press to get her own way, but no child ever died of crying.
She MUST learn that you mean what you say, and that punishments will be enforced, otherwise she will never learn appropriate social interaction.
Once she knows that you will not budge, she won;t push it as far. It will take a few goes, but the message will go on eventually, and she will stop before the punishment comes in - because she knows beyond doubt that it will.
You have to be tough and not give in, because to give in is not loving her, it just feels like it is, but it's a false feeling, and you will both regret it further down the line.
Children need and respond to boundaries, it makes them feel secure. Put the lines in place, ensure she doesn;t cross them, and you will both be happier with each other.
I have three daughters, all grown up now, and I do know how hard it is, but it has to be done.
Toughen up!
What a fab answer by Andy, he's dead right! I always stuck to my word and always gave my kids loads of love too. They are both now grown up and you couldn't meet 2 nicer people (even though I say so myself - Lol!!)
One thing I want to say to all parents of young children out there is not to do the Santa threat - you know your kids will get their presents no matter how they behave and they will only get mixed messages. As an ex teacher I can tell you about all the parents who couldn't control their kids after Xmas because the Santa threat has gone. Believe me, children DO like boundaries, like Andy said it makes them feel secure.
Enjoy Xmas with your children :-)
One thing I want to say to all parents of young children out there is not to do the Santa threat - you know your kids will get their presents no matter how they behave and they will only get mixed messages. As an ex teacher I can tell you about all the parents who couldn't control their kids after Xmas because the Santa threat has gone. Believe me, children DO like boundaries, like Andy said it makes them feel secure.
Enjoy Xmas with your children :-)
1 to 16 of 16
Latest Posts
Crosswords4 mins ago
ChatterBank6 mins ago
ChatterBank7 mins ago
ChatterBank27 mins ago