Bullying at school dilemma

[hammerman]

Hi
I have a lovely 10 year old daughter who goes to a very nice, small primary school. She gets on well there, loves the school and has many friends.

However, when they went back in September, there started to be a few "girlie" niggles....a couple of the girls kept having a go at my daughter for no reason. I brushed this aside and told her ignore them/walk away etc which she did.

Now this came to a head the week before xmas when i went to pick my daughter up and i saw her sitting in the corner of the playground absolutely hysterical. One of the girls had screamed abuse at my daughter in a way that her teacher classed as "a very aggressive manner"

I spoke to the girls mum about this as the school did nothing and she has done absolutely nothing either.

So my daughter has gone to school today absolutely petrified about what's going to happen. This has come totally out of the blue because my daughter was good friends with this girl and we even took her away on holiday in the summer.

My wife dropped our daughter at school this morning and the offending girl was in a little group who kept turning round and looking at my daughter and then turning back into their little huddle.

What would you do as a caring parent. I deplore ANY kind of bullying and it breaks my heart to see kids upset. Obviously i need to see what happens today but i can't see things getting any better to be honest....should i approach the head ?...what about the governers ?

Any help would be most welcome

[Sasha13]

continued...

Anyway, back to my point. If there are only harsh words being spoken at this stage I wouldn't even encourage your daughter to talk back (the best thing for her to do would be to laugh at the bullies and walk off).

The only reason they are doing it is because they want to be top of a pecking order and the reaction affirms their importance in their eyes. However, I do think it's important that the school keep a very close, discreet eye out to make sure things aren't getting worse.

Lots of luck - believe me, I know you must feel awful, but these things do have a way of working themselves out.

[hammerman]

Thank you Sasha.....i wouldn't be so worried if it wasn't for the fact that this girl was "extremely aggressive" verbally towards my daughter. Of course girlie spats and pecking orders are the order of the day especially on year 6.

My daughter is a fairly outgoing girl...she'll sing and dance on stage in front of the school and she loves it but she's not a fighter or one to give lip to people back.

Thank you once again for everyone's kind words

[ChocolatChip]

My experience was quite similar to sasha's.
I was bullied from the age of about 7 years old. And it got progessively worse until the day I left Secondary School. My bullying was both mental, verbal and physical.
The main couple of reasons I was bullied was because I was different- I came from a two parent family, with their own business, a big house and a holiday home. I got given everything I wanted, got a long with adults a lot better and was extremely well-spoken.
Is your daughter an only child? As it happens a lot more regularly to only children compared to children with siblings.
This is just my thoughts anyway.

My advice would be to support your daughter, tell her to walk away from them, as she is better off alone than without some 'friends' like them.
Definitely speak to the teachers, and whatever you do, if it continues, don't give up. Even if you have to go back everyday. Because they probably ignore it as just 'normal' reactions.
I would keep your relationship with your daughter as close as possible, so if anything else happens she will tell you.
As I didn't, and ended up in a very bad state.
Tell her not to be beaten down by these sh*ts, otherwise she'll continue into secondary school with a 'beaten' attitude and will continue to be bullied.
Maybe, when she's a little older, pass her onto a counsellor, so she can speak about these problems if they continue.

[angeldraws]

You could pity these kids and teach your child to do the same - they are obviously the type of kids that feel inferior so their defence is to treat someone else as inferior to them and feel better about themselves - they are probably so scared of being alone that they gather the same types together to bully others.

It it was me - rightly or wrongly - i would approach the children in the playground early morning and ask them all to accompany you to the headteacher's office - i would explain to the head that i'd like to have a chat with all the kids together including your own child - with the head's support - and just ask them to put themsleves in your child's shoes and make them really think about it (without making your child look silly or giving them more ammunition ) -and ask each child what most concerns them, then relate their fears to this problem. I would then explain every one has rights - e.g. what to wear, to have feelings, to have different interests, to be clever etc....and explain that they are taking these from your child by doing whatever....how would they feel if these things were taken away from them?

Personally i think ALL schools should have this kind of thing in place - this would ensure more respect for each other inthe future.

i realise this may sound like an idealists point of view (im definitely NOT an idealist i promise!) -and everything doesn't always go according to plan or idealism, but just to try may achieve something. Once i took my child's grandad to school with me to complain n he told them he would pay for a private detective, and go to the media if necessary. he took the details of the Chair of Govs too! The Head flinched like anything but it all got sorted.

good luck - one day you will wonder what it was all about - as i do now that my children have grown up and moved away xxx

[angeldraws]

Crickey, ive written an essay!!!

Just to add - when the other kids divulge their concerns - your child, rightly or wrongly, has something to throw back at them....just encouarage her NOT to be a victim xx

[ChocolatChip]

May I mention angeldraws, that to throw something personal back at the bullies makes their daughter as bad as the bullies themselves. Which I'm sure hammerman wouldn't be pleased about, whatsmore, the children are slightly too young to understand other peoples feelings yet, they've only just discovered the meaning of right and wrong.