My sons can be such hard work

[dot.hawkes]

one went out last night and has not come home yet and has not reported in! The other had his GF stop over and they were having a heated row at 6am this morning and she slammed out of the house with him chasing after her! The neighbours luckily had both gone to work at 5.30am, It's tough being a mum to adults! They just don't behave!

[jno]

throw them out, take boarders in instead, Dot. You know it's the only way.

[dot.hawkes]

Well the AWOL one has only just moved back in after going it alone and not succeeding, I've never thrown them out and never would, but they do try my patience sometimes!

[tillyh345]

morning dot.hawkes

It isnt easy is it I have two sons so I sympathise with you. My eldest has eventually left home, but still sees us as his crutch should he run out of money or cant afford to eat, so comes round for meals etc.. I wonder if things would have been easier if we had had girls?

[B00]

No is the short answer to that one tilly. My eldest girl is nearly 21 and still a royal pain.

She's now living on her own (after moving out and back home 3 times) and every week I take her shopping for food so that I know she's at least eating!

[sqad617]

4 boys all grown up, treated the same in the very same environment and educated in the same manner.
Son1...total waste of space, would not give him one penny.
Son 2...has done very well....does not need one penny.
Son 3 waste of space, haven't spoken to him for 8yrs.
Son 4...has done well....does not need a penny.

Advice from sqad..LOL...bring them up and educate them to the best of your financial ability and then let them find their own way in the world.

What is all this nonsense about having them back home and giving them your hard earned money?.mystifying to me.

Priority in life is focused on mum and dad.

[pastafreak]

I 'm not sure you can expect an adult who has been on their own for a period to 'report in'.
If you did not need to know his where-abouts when he was living away.....you can't really expect to now.
I am sure he is ok...no news is good news.

They should both be on their own...and you should treat them as if they are now....ie-no ferrying back and forth. otherwise they are using you.

[brenda]

dot --you have my sympathy.

For me being a mum was having to realise that my children had grown up in age , and that I couldn't be a Mum to them in the same way any longer.

I eventually accepted that they had their own lives to lead, and that they would make quite a few mistakes along the way.And they did!!

All that I could offer them now was a bed if they needed it and food to eat.They understood that financial help was not an option, simply because there was no money to share.

Together we went through some very rough times, and now some 5 years later all is well.They have eventually grown up , are in decently paid jobs and are beginning to settle in their relationships.

It wasn't easy for me to back off, and there were many times I questioned what I was doing.

Could I have ever called them a waste of space during the awful times--never,I love them far too much for that.!!

[mrs_overall]

Dot - you have my sympathy!
I've posted odd bits and pieces on here about my eldest boy, and they were just the tip of the iceberg.
This morning I got up early (7am) intending to have a leisurely hour with a coffee & the Sunday paper....only to find half a rugby team asleep on every available inch of living room carpet, the house looking like a bomb site and the fridge empty.
There are days when I could cheerfully throttle him!
If there is one thing I think you should count your blessings for and that is the fact you have sons. My two boys are thoughtless, impulsive and messy, but with boys what you see is what you get. My daughter is 14 and I feel like examining her head to look for the 666 mark.
I'm sure all teenagers and young adults turn back into human beings eventually.
I would be tempted to point out to your sons that they live under YOUR roof and therefore must abide by YOUR rules. Once they leave home they can do what they like in their own houses, but until then Mum Rules OK.
Good luck.