Relationship with parents

[karma22]

I've found as I've got older I've noticed the faults in my parents more. They annoy me more now and I feel like our relationship (esp with my mum) has deteriorated a bit.

Do you think this is common?

[ummmm]

It's happned with me as well. Only my Mum though.

[pericat]

Me too with my mum as my dad died a long time ago.

[ummmm]

Mine went further downhill with my Mum after my Dad died.....they divorsed when I was 8 and he died last year.

[zzxxee]

i think as we get older and discover who we are and what makes us tick as adults we question our parents more where as when we were children we just accepted their flaws and faults

[Bbbananas]

I think as we get older we realise our parents are not The Be All And End All we thought them to be when we were small, and can see their faults. However, a lot of children get on with their parents better as they get older, as we are adults ourselves and can understand why and how they probably made mistakes - we are all human after all...

Except for my Dad - who IS the be all and end all, and really is a God in my eyes !!

[ummmm]

Same as mine was Salla :-(

[zzxxee]

dads are fab mine will be 62 on thurs have a fab day dad x

[Bbbananas]

We have both spoken with love and affection about our dads ummm - I remember very well. The way you speak so fondly and lovingly of your dad, reminds me of how I must make the most of mine while he's still around.

My mumm irritates the hell out of me - always has done! She's going deaf, gets confused, moans about her imagined illnesses and exasperates me most times I talk to her. My dad has the patience of a saint to live with her, no wonder he still has gardening jobs at the age of 80 - he needs to get away! - but of course I love the little white haired old lady and she was a good mum.

[zzxxee]

it must be hard to deal with parents when they get older especislly if they get things like dementia

[LoftyLottie]

Salla, I felt the same about my Mum. She was exasperating and really could be quite vindictive and manipulative too. I lost her this year and now I can only remember the good things about her and feel guilty about the way I felt about her for the last 20 years. People tell me I shouldn't feel guilty because I did my very best for her - but I just can't help it.

I lost my Dad when he was 63 and I loved him to bits!

[Bbbananas]

I think to have a parent with dementia or Alzheimers must be dreadful - especially when they don't recognise you, are nasty with it, or they put themselves in danger. Unfortunately it is becoming a more common occurrence because the elderly population continues to grow.

I would have to put my mum in a home if she got that bad - I know it's an awful thing to say, but I could never have her living with me - she'd drive me bonkers. I could have my dad living with me though, unless he was at risk.

[4getmenot]

I always thought it was other way round and as you get older you realise your parents were just trying to help and that you too would do that with your children now. I have got alot closer to mum and dad as I;ve got older

[marval]

I didn't notice this, I never really noticed any faults. My Dad died a few years ago and my Mum died this year, both aged 89. I only have fond and happy memories of them.

[LoftyLottie]

My mum lived me for six months and in the end she had to go into a home because she was making me ill and I couldn't cope. She got 'expelled' from one home. Fortunately she was in a very good home for the last year of her life and our relationship improved. I am glad because if she had died whilst she lived with me I would have had regrets that I couldn't cope with her.

I too could have happily had my dad live with me.

[DEN53]

I envy all you who have good relationships with your Dads, my Dad has never really had a lot of time for me as a child or in adulthood. I always felt he resented me - he would always make a fuss of other peoples children and find it hard to relate to me. I am an only child, so was always in the middle of Mum & Dad's arguments and fights throughout my childhood. I knew from a very young age they used to argue about sex (not something a 5 year old should know !). When I got married, I loved having my own home and could'nt never understand when friends said they missed their parents and being at home. I absolutely loved having my own peaceful home.

My Mum and Dad are now both 80 - Mum has dementia , but they still argue and fight - I am still in the middle of it all once again at the age of 53. My Dad is very stressed with my Mum and constantly shouts at her - she crys on the phone to me 3 times a day and I go over to them twice a week (sometimes more depending on what is happening). My Dad is a 'people pleaser' and always puts other peoples needs before his family. He is a good man and despite being 80 is active and is always doing favours for people.

My Grandad was my hero - I think he knew the rough time I had and always spoiled me and sat and played games for hours on end. He sadly died when he was 65 and I was 12 - to this day I still cry.

[zzxxee]

awwwwwww den i do feel for you i have worked with people who have dementia and i know how challenging the condition can be xx

[DEN53]

Thanks zzxxee.

[zzxxee]

THATS ALRIGHT XX

[karma22]

Thanks everyone x

[tillyh345]

I felt quite sad reading these posts, I only wish I had my mum and Dad. My dear mum died at the age of 34, and my father left when i was 4, and although he is alive, me and my brothers and sister have not heard or seen him since the day he left!! So those of you lucky enough to have them, they love you and probably have always done their very best for you.....as I do my children now....