would you do it?

[merciasounds]

Talking to a friend on the phone last night she informed me that my god daughter, (the daughter of a mutual friend of ours) is getting married in October this year, did I know because I hadn't mentioned it - everybody has had their invitation. (hubby and I haven't) Over the years, I've been a little silly with her and indulged her perhaps a little too much with presents that she 'desperately wants', I have also paid for her to go on her last trip with the school (ski-ing to Verbier) bought her tack for her horse, paid for a block of ten driving lessons, and bought her a 'Prom dress and shoes' when she was at Uni. I don't begrudge any of this, but a thank-you note would have been nice. I've told you this back story so you can see what type of girl she is. Anyway she phones me up this morning to tell me she's getting married, and she's not invited me because *I* will be doing the catering. Not asked, TOLD me! There's going to be a marquee on the lawn, etc, and she's coming over to discuss menu's with me next week. I told her not to come, because I wouldn't be doing it, and I put the phone down. she immediately rang back but I switched it to the answering machine. her mother, my friend has phoned too, apologising, saying perhaps we could 'work things out'. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing to work out - but am I wrong?

[welshlibranr]

Nothing like being taken for granted is there merciasound! unbelievable! Stand your ground girl!.....................she needs a short, sharp lesson!...........

[lotsafun]

she has been incredibly selfish here and obviously spoilt throughout the years. Did she even say that she would pay you for the catering? From her point she probably thought when planning her wedding ''oh my godmother is a excellent cook, i will ask her if she can do the catering'' but she should pay you for this regardless as this is one of the most expensive aspects of the wedding, for her not to do this would really be taking the mick. I know when a member of our family is getting married we automatically think of going to my nan to make the wedding cake as she is fab but we would always pay for her service etc and of course she would also get a invite to the wedding lol. I would wait for them to call again and tell her how hurt you feel about the way she has gone about things, remind her of all the things you have done for her over the years and that you feel she is showing you no gratitude for all this.

[redcrx]

lilacben, my suggestion was a joke. I bet the bride to be would be happy with that arrangement lol

[society]

Mercia, I agree with you, and in my opinion you are not wrong. You're not invited to the wedding but you are supposed to be doing the catering... Then if you do decide to do it, do it for a fee. As the other posters have said, you are taken for granted. Personally I'd steer clear from wedding and anything concerning it. I think you are too soft, from your past post even your friends are using you!

Mother and daughter do have some nerves, and cheek.

[merciasounds]

I've had a talk with my hubby last night, and he said, the decision is mine, but he wouldn't go, and he said, whenever the wedding is, 'we're on holiday' if I wanted to use that as an excuse. I'm not doing it, I've written her a letter, and said I think she'll find that she'd get on far better in life if she 'asked' people first rather than telling them and taking people for granted.

[merciasounds]

I'll just add a post-script, My hubby also said it would do 'Old Derek' (her dad) good to put his hand in his pocket for a change, apparently he has a bit of a reputation for being 'tight' - hence his nick-name, 'Squeaky'!!

[redcrx]

why would you need the excuse? just tell thm straight that it has hurt you that they think youll just do the catering without being asked.
If a wedding invite does follow and they use other caterers then again dont give an excuse, either go or tell them why you are not.

[Nosha123]

one question for you merciasounds.. do you think she is expecting to PAY you for doing the catering.. or do you suspect she is expecting it at a discounted rate - or for free?

I mean.. if she genuinely expected to pay... then it might change the view slightly.. versus if she wanted another freebie..

[merciasounds]

OH i know her nosha, given she knows me and my hubby's family are in farming and it's where we get our meat, poultry, game etc, and from what i grow fruit and veg wise, she was expecting a VERY big discount, and no fee for me.

[Nosha123]

well merciasounds.. I think that would be very very unfair...

weddings are expensive.. and to automatically expect someone to pick up the tab AND do the work is down right greedy...

Try not to let your blood boil over and keep the upper hand by being cool headed... I would NEVER expect someone to do that for me...

I would point out politely all the things that you have bought her over the years (and none of them were cheap gifts by the sounds of it either!!!) and explain that you think she is rude and greedy to assume that you would do all that work and pay for it all!

You are a very generous person - and sadly she has taken full advantage of your kind nature!

[merciasounds]

Thanks Nosha, I appreciate what you say. Another thing is, since my accident five years ago, i can't do what i used to (I had my own catering company) I have a steel rod in my back and my pelvis is held together with a kind of fine medical 'chicken wire' I can't stand for long periods of time and run round like a 2 year old as I used to, and she knows this. I'm going to need a hip operation in the next twelve months by the looks of things, and it's not only the crass way she's gone about things, it's her thoughtlessness about my own welfare that hurts me too.

[Nosha123]

I agree Eddie... Merciasounds needs to start being a wee bit more selfish me thinks!!

;-)

[merciasounds]

Yup, and knowing 'Princess' the way I do, it'll be, 'you must have contacts, do you know where we can get, lobsters/prawns/champagne etc at a good discount.....well no more - this boat has sailed, no more free-loading by that little madam on me!

[society]

Mercia, I'm sure her Mum and her had discussed about you doing the catering, so I'd accuse the Mum too for being greedy and insensitive to your health conditions.

[joeluke]

Mercia, it seems that you seriously spoiling this girl as she has grown up has led to her taking you for granted

[lorri24601]

Even if she just assumed you would be there as you have been so good to her in the past, she certainly should not of waited till after the invites went out to speak to you about it.Anyone with any consideration or thought for others would of realised how hurt you would be finding out about her big day from someone else.

[joko]

many good points made here...she probably just thought you would be expecxting to do the food an didnt need to 'ask' as such...but regardless, there is a way of saying things and she needs to learn this...my sister is the same and ive lost count of the times has said stuff like this...i do what you did and just hang up or ignore it.

i would send your letter, but tell the truth...explain in full...she needs to be told now...

to be honest i dont think i would go to the wedding at all...id feel id forced and invite and feel that theyd feel id 'let them down', and i couldnt be bothered with all that

i mean to not invite you and expect you to slave over her and stand around in the kitchen waiting to clear up ...id just ignore her completely